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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

17 year old performer, not allowed to do what in the theater shocked 😮

210 replies

Willowk321 · 21/08/2018 01:22

So basically, my DS is 17. It is legal for him to have a job without parental concent, it is legal for him to drive (if he has passed his test which tbh he hasn’t 😜), he can legally move out- again without parental concent, and he can legally concent to his own medication.

He is also currently in a amateur production for a local company which he is really enjoying. However, I have been informed that I must accompany him to the stage door and sign to say I have dropped him off and Vice a versa at the end of the rehearsal.

I told my son I thought that this was ridiculous and refused to do it, however his director telephoned me the other night to told me thet it was a legal requirement and that any person under 18 is not allowed to vouch for themselves “Same way they don’t have any other responsibilities”. I then mentioned the above and they basically just said “yeah, well that’s different”. I mean WTF.

Anyway the thing that has annoyed me is what they said is complete 💩:

As soon I came off the phone, I went straight to Google to look up the law, as I would be amazed if you had to be picked up at an age where your considered mature enough to live on your own and even be married (yes, I do know that you need parental consent for that. Well, unless you run off to Scotland which; let’s be honest; is what most probably do 😉). Anyway I researched the law and click on the official document on gov uk and what a surprise... the age is 16. 😡🙄

I then checked my local authority to see if it was the same and it appeared to be. So I decided to ring up the Council and told them about the situation, and they told me:

“Although, the law is 16, it is not uncommon for theater groups/dance schools to raise the age (mostly to 18). 16 is the minimum age but theatre groups could raise the age to 30 if they wanted to and if you theater group wants you to pick up your 17 year old, then it’s their choice and life would be much easier if you just complied with it.”

So there you have it. It is clear that 17 year olds are legal to leave on their own, but my theater group just doesn’t want them to. I have discussed this with DS and although we both agree it is completely ridiculous; I have decided to comply as he desperately wants to do the show.

I suppose my question to all you lovely people is: should a 17 year old be allowed to leave a theater on there own? What age can members leave unaccompanied at your dance school/theater group?

I understand that some people feel that all people under 18s are children, but there is no denying that 0-17 is a broad age range, for example 17 year olds will naturally have more rights and responsibility’s then a 3 year old will.

I would like to say though, if you feel that 17 year olds should be escorted as they are still “children”, would you feel the same about a 17 year old McDonald worker being escorted. I personally cannot tell the difference, but... just a thought 🤔

Anyway I will leave it with you 😂

OP posts:
Mindthecat · 21/08/2018 17:28

I've not rtft but if children can walk home from school alone from around 10, wtf can't a 17 year old leave any venue on their own???

BarnabyBungle · 21/08/2018 17:33

Having read this fully, i now get that theatre groups are just trying to abide by the law. The law is ridiculously over-prescriptive... If I ran such an organisation, I’d be inclined to get parents of older children to sign something stating they were happy for their children to be released after the performance on their own. If a parent did this, it’s hard to see that the club would have their licence withdrawn for allowing a 17 yo to make their own way home.

youarenotkiddingme · 21/08/2018 17:37

My ds is involved in Para swimming. They also have to be chaperoned until 18.

youarenotkiddingme · 21/08/2018 17:39

Actually they don't need to be chaperoned for everything but some events require it due to set up!

youarenotkiddingme · 21/08/2018 17:42

Lessons they don't sign in and out of. But I know another club near has just started this (alongside pushing kids too hard) and they've lost 21 teen swimmers in the space of 3 months.
Parents have just moved them to a club where they can continue to cycle themselves!

ferrier · 21/08/2018 17:47

Utterly ridiculous.
My dc in years 5 and 6 were permitted to leave school alone provided we signed a consent form.
My dc in years 9ish and above were permitted to make their own way home from theatre trips to London providing we signed the consent form.
The theatre group is mad!

giveitfive · 21/08/2018 17:54

At least they give you the option to consent.

Had a situation last year where my 17 yo could drive himself to his sports training but was not permitted to leave without a parent coming to collect him. No option to give consent.

Fortunately sense prevailed in the end and the utter moron who had implemented the policy backed down when they realised they might be accused of kidnapping if they didn't let 17 y/o members leave the premises!

It's stupid. But just sign the form. Only DS will miss out.

Of note my youngest DS is involved in theatre productions and we have never had to sign anything. He often gets the bus there by himself and if we collect him we usually just wave from the back of the box office.... Director is very cool.

Of course I am in one of those hideous families that uses trackers on their phones to see where everyone is.... apparently the shittest parents ever.... but I know when he arrives at the theatre....

Livnatmum · 21/08/2018 17:57

Another chaperone here (high fives fellow chaperones whilst simultaneously putting on a mic, doing a quick change and finding a lost shoe!). I am involved with a show at the moment and whilst we stick to the parents of licenced I.e end of Year 11 children, signing them in and out, I can absolutely see why some companies find it easier to apply the rule to all, it stops the'well you let them go!' and there are some 18 year olds I wouldn't trust to get themselves home! If you do need to discuss it further, I suggest you talk to the Theatre Safeguarding Officer or Head Chaperone, not the Director who will have better things to worry about!

ferrier · 21/08/2018 17:58

And will result in lower participation. I certainly wouldn't have been able to this for my dc as I had other dc to look after.

ferrier · 21/08/2018 18:01

18 year olds can't be trusted to get themselves home?! What kind of nannied world do they live in?!

noeffingidea · 21/08/2018 18:01

This is completely ridiculous, but you'll just have to go along with it until he turns 18. If you don't he's going to lose out.

RomanyRoots · 21/08/2018 18:05

Now that adults have to stay at school until 18, they come under safe guarding rules.
They are now kids until 18, I know it's bloody ridiculous.
It's also the reason so many have to have mummy and daddy attend uni interviews and open days.
Pity when it comes to paying for things like public transport they aren't considered as children

AlexanderHamilton · 21/08/2018 18:18

Young people do not have to stay at school until they are 18.

BarnabyBungle · 21/08/2018 18:49

Now that adults have to stay at school until 18
Indeed, they need to be in full-time education.... can you imagine the local FE College trying to implement this craziness?

BarnabyBungle · 21/08/2018 18:59

It's also the reason so many have to have mummy and daddy attend uni interviews and open days.

If this madness were applied by universities, all parents of sixth-form age “children” would have to attend to drop off and then sign to collect them from uni interviews, to ensure they were “kept safe”.

What next, perhaps I should be accompanying my 17 year old (when they get to that age) to the local shop to buy some crisps, holding his hand as he crosses the quiet suburban street? But then he may decide that was embarrassing and insulting, and he may then make a bolt for it... so perhaps I should get some reins to stop him doing this. It’s important we take the safety of our children seriously! Hmm

VelvetSpoon · 21/08/2018 19:00

Ive not read the whole thread and apologies if this has been said, but what about dance schools etc? Near where I live is a v well known dance school which admits students at the age of 16...They come from all over the country to study FT, I know they must be in shows etc, so how do they manage? Presumably by following the law and allowing 16yos and over to sign themselves out (given these teens are all living in digs that can surely be the only way it works).

youarenotkiddingme · 21/08/2018 19:53

Things have certainly changed!

I moved from the city to a village at 11. I remained at my city dance school.

I travelled down from school by bus twice a week and from home by train every weekend from the age of 12. My sister started coming with me when she was 10!

AlexanderHamilton · 21/08/2018 20:50

Academic schools (which include full time performing arts specialist schools) are exempt from any restrictions/licensing if a performance is organised by the school on school premises in any case.

I have no issue whatsoever with a youth theatre group making such a rule as part of their internal policies as long as it is clearly communicated at the start of the rehearsal process & they gone try & claim it’s the actual law when it isn’t.

Clairetree1 · 21/08/2018 21:44

can you imagine the local FE College trying to implement this craziness?

FE colleges are staffed entirely by individuals with DBS clearance. If a single adult without DBS clearance is on the premises, there is rigid chaperoning.

notacooldad · 21/08/2018 21:57

I would find it weird to be honest as both my sons were driving themselves in their own car to their sports club ( similar in a way as they were playing for under 18s) We couldn't wait for them to pass their test so we didn't have to do the running around.

On a slightly different but similar thing about ages. My son is now 18. His college rang up to complain that he missed a homework or something. I was quite taken back and told them to deal with him as he was an adult and it was between them and him. We seem to treat young people and young adults much younger than we did 20/30 years ago.

SendYouUpInFlames · 21/08/2018 22:13

Bloody ridiculous. I had a home, a husband and a child by 17.

I'd be utterly mortified if I was asked for written permission from my parents.

BarnabyBungle · 22/08/2018 07:43

FE colleges are staffed entirely by individuals with DBS clearance. If a single adult without DBS clearance is on the premises, there is rigid chaperoning.

But FE colleges have plenty of adult students who are free to mix with younger students, and these adults are DBS checked.... So I’m still at a loss as to why theatre clubs are insisting on this signing in and out of near adults.

BarnabyBungle · 22/08/2018 07:44

and these adults are not DBS checked

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 22/08/2018 17:28

I've worked in chaperoning and there are a lot of theatre companies who state 18 years old and they've all had varying reasons throughout the years.

One group didn't want them mixing with the older cast after and drinking underage and thought their parents collecting them would stop it, some just said they were still irresponsible and couldn't be trusted (silly when some of them could drive!!)

The best thing is to just follow the guidelines. They could turn around and tell your son he can't be on the show if you don't follow.

icanbewhatiwant · 22/08/2018 17:31

I left home age 16. I did what I wanted when I wanted so my parents certainly wouldn’t have been with me to sign things!