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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with sisters boyfriend

227 replies

chattybee · 21/08/2018 00:52

my dd is in year 9.

she is staying at my sister's house for a week which is 2 and a half hours away without me and dh.

dd is very close with my 10 yo niece (her cousin) since she used to live with us since my niece turned 7.

at 11 o'clock they both got sent to bed at the same time. dd phoned me and dh for 10 minutes before she went to bed to talk about what she did, how she's feeling, etc...

dd spoke quietly with her cousin for about 3 minutes and my sister's boyfriend went in and shouted at her, even though she was allowed to talk until half past.

she was sent to another room and she's not allowed to go back in that room for her entire visit! she texted me to say that she misses home and didn't really want to be alone (she's only just turned 13, 2 days ago).

i told my sister before she came that she wouldn't really want to be separated from her cousin and she was feeling a bit worried about her boyfriend who can get a bit rough...

aibu to call my sisters boyfriend tomorrow to try to negotiate and explain the situation - really don't want a fallout.

OP posts:
AmateurSwami · 21/08/2018 00:54

Boyfriend can get a bit rough? Go and collect your daughter.

FASH84 · 21/08/2018 00:55

What does get a bit rough mean? If he's aggressive, go and get her

Original poster
chattybee · 21/08/2018 00:57

i wouldn't call him exactly violent but he can shout a lot and be very intimidating/forceful :/

OP posts:
iggleypiggly · 21/08/2018 00:58

Go and get her.. no other solution.

TwistedStitch · 21/08/2018 00:58

Why have you sent your child to stay in the same house as an aggressive intimidating man for a week?

Losingthewill1 · 21/08/2018 00:59

Stop posting on here and go and get your dam child. Jesus.. any words such as gets a bit rough would have me in the sodding car NOW

FissionChips · 21/08/2018 00:59

I’d be driving there to collect my child right now.

Original poster
chattybee · 21/08/2018 01:04

i've been there before a few weekends with my dd with me, he wasn't too bad then, heard him shouting at his own daughters a few times, was a little frightening for the girls but never to my own dd! fuming he's changed his attitude with her now i'm not there.

OP posts:
TwistedStitch · 21/08/2018 01:06

If he's 'frightening' to anyone she shouldn't have been staying there. Are you going to collect her?

MrsTommyBanks · 21/08/2018 01:06

Go and get her.

BlueJava · 21/08/2018 01:22

What? Why on earth would you leave your DC there? "A bit rough", "very forceful" "intimidating". Any one of those is a no.

Pringlecat · 21/08/2018 01:24

It doesn't sound like you'd feel particularly safe around him yourself. So why would you leave a child in his company? I agree with the comments to go get her. I'd also consider carefully whether I thought he was just a douchebag or whether I had real safeguarding concerns about the other girl.

Nodnol · 21/08/2018 01:25

Get off mumsnet and go get your child.

MountainsPlease · 21/08/2018 01:27

Go and get her now.
Her knowing you will drive through the night for her will stay with her for life that you cared that much for her.
Her phoning and being scared and you doing nothing will also stay with her for life.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2018 01:41

You sent your daughter to be looked after by an abusive bully. Why would you do this? If you don't stand up for her you are teaching her that being treated like that by a man is acceptable. It is not. Get in the fucking car and go get her.

MrsPartridgeStMarys · 21/08/2018 01:42

Exactly what MountainsPlease said!

HellonHeels · 21/08/2018 01:43

Fucking hell go and get her. You could bring your neice back with you too.

nocoolnamesleft · 21/08/2018 01:48

Some years ago, as a teen, I was in a scary situation. A guide camp hit by the tail end of a hurricane. The leaders called out the parents to rescue us. Quite a few refused to turn out. My dad got straight in the car, in awful driving weather, and came out. When he discovered lots of kids were stranded, he packed his car with as many as it would carry, and dropped them all off in turn. I have never forgotten that my dad drove through a hurricane late an night to come and rescue me. Thanks dad.

Go get her.

TheDowagerCuntess · 21/08/2018 01:52

Honestly, two and half hours, inconvenient as it is, is nothing - in the context of what's happening.

It will also send a loud and clear message to your sister and her boyfriend about how much you don't trust them. Never mind the reassurance it gives your DD.

Elllicam · 21/08/2018 01:56

I would also go and get her.

Pipsqueak11 · 21/08/2018 01:59

I agree-odd to leave dd in such circumstances. Go get her!

SD1978 · 21/08/2018 02:03

Sorry. I'm not normally a knee jerk person- but your daughter is scared, has been shouted at, and is in a house with a man you don't like because he's aggressive?! She should never have gone in the first place (IMHO) but another vote here for you text her and tell her you're on your way. And offer to take the dousing back with you if you can. They can spend time together on a safe place instead of a house where she is abused.

SD1978 · 21/08/2018 02:04

And yes to calling him- F$*k him. He shouted at a child. Removed her from a room with no cause. Why the hell would you be negotiating anything with someone how has no relation to your daughter, and has shouted at her?!?!?!

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/08/2018 02:05

13 is quite the age to find out that some men are scary, aggressive and unpredictable. I agree I would get her. Hen talk to her about what we should not put up with!

@nocoolnamesleft I hope you told your dad. He sounds lovely.

thebewilderness · 21/08/2018 02:08

Men shouting are always frightening.
That's why they do it.
Go get your daughter.

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