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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with sisters boyfriend

227 replies

chattybee · 21/08/2018 00:52

my dd is in year 9.

she is staying at my sister's house for a week which is 2 and a half hours away without me and dh.

dd is very close with my 10 yo niece (her cousin) since she used to live with us since my niece turned 7.

at 11 o'clock they both got sent to bed at the same time. dd phoned me and dh for 10 minutes before she went to bed to talk about what she did, how she's feeling, etc...

dd spoke quietly with her cousin for about 3 minutes and my sister's boyfriend went in and shouted at her, even though she was allowed to talk until half past.

she was sent to another room and she's not allowed to go back in that room for her entire visit! she texted me to say that she misses home and didn't really want to be alone (she's only just turned 13, 2 days ago).

i told my sister before she came that she wouldn't really want to be separated from her cousin and she was feeling a bit worried about her boyfriend who can get a bit rough...

aibu to call my sisters boyfriend tomorrow to try to negotiate and explain the situation - really don't want a fallout.

OP posts:
ciderhouserules · 21/08/2018 07:59

roadtrip - I wondered why he was 'isolating' her as well Sad

HopefullyAnonymous · 21/08/2018 08:05

I think OP wanted us to agree he was mean, but not expecting all the replies to tell her to collect her DD. Which she clearly won’t do despite the fact that she should.

Suewiang · 21/08/2018 08:05

He sounds like a top class ass, avoid at all cost and collect daughter. Why was niece living with you ? Maybe she should still be living with you ! Was it because of this mild mannered ignoramous or another reason?

Beaverhausen · 21/08/2018 08:09

Lawdie lawdie! "banging head against wall". I would not leave my child in that situation or even put her in it in the first place.

Questionable parenting OP, why is it so important for your daughter to stay somewhere she obviously does not want to be?

Beaverhausen · 21/08/2018 08:10

@HopefullyAnonymous Could not agree more!

ThanosSavedMe · 21/08/2018 08:14

I hope your dd is now back home with you.

Why on earth were they yelled at? Why has he separated the children at night? Surely the whole point of them being together was to be together. Where’s your sister in all of this?

Churrolicious · 21/08/2018 08:15

Hoping you’re quiet OP because you had an early start to go get your DD. This is the kind of thing you remember as a teenager (another one here: aged 14 on a residential trip away where I ended up being intimidated / bullied by a man who was involved in running the activities. Rang my parents from a pay phone sobbing at dinner time. My dad turned up at 2am to collect me having driven a couple of hundred miles. I’m over 40 now and have never forgotten it).

KeiTeNgeNge · 21/08/2018 08:16

Have you collected her?

ChuffingNorah · 21/08/2018 08:17

Come back and update us OP! ( unless you are currently driving to you sister's to get your daughter, in which case- carry on)

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 21/08/2018 08:17

Did you get your daughter ?

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 21/08/2018 08:20

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flowery · 21/08/2018 08:20

Why would you send your child to stay somewhere in circumstances where before she even went “she was feeling a bit worried about her boyfriend who can get a bit rough...”?

HettySunshine · 21/08/2018 08:21

I hope you've collected your daughter. Your poor niece.

Excited0803 · 21/08/2018 08:24

I hope OP collected her, or if not that she goes there now.

I'd never have sent her and separate rooms is very worrying with a man like that. If my niece called me in that situation, I would call ahead to say I was coming and immediately set off to get her. If I had to disturb someone living near where she is for temporary rescue, or ask FIL or a neighbour to drive then I would, or have her put with her things in a taxi. I can't think of a family member who wouldn't go and get her. It's not fair leave a child frightened and alone because they can't follow their instincts to get away by themselves.

LeftRightCentre · 21/08/2018 08:24

You knew he was aggressive, frightening and intimidating and you sent here there on her own? And you still want to negotiate with this bullying man because you don't want to fall out? WTAF? You're teaching your daughter to tiptoe and dance round abusive men. FUCK THAT. Get your arse over there, pick up your daughter and report your wet sister to SS.

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 21/08/2018 08:27

I would have been on the phone to my sister and losing the plot. A little unsure why you haven’t done that? I wouldn’t expect my DC to be scared when away from me for a week and certainly not under the care of my sister!

Shouldershrugger · 21/08/2018 08:28

Did you go and pick up your daughter? Is she ok?

CircleofWillis · 21/08/2018 08:28

I hope you have gone to get her and your DSis and Dniece as well.

LeftRightCentre · 21/08/2018 08:30

I would have been on the phone to my sister and losing the plot. A little unsure why you haven’t done that?

Or why anyone would allow their kid to stay with someone like this at all.

Badtasteflump · 21/08/2018 08:33

Ths is one of those threads I wish I hadn't read Sad

Excited0803 · 21/08/2018 08:34

Also, where is your sister? Why isn't she protecting your daughter, or if you think he's that bad then why aren't you worried for your sister?
This is your daughter, if the pair refused to put her in with her cousin until you arrived, that's a serious safeguarding issue. It might sound hysterical, and only you know them to know the risk, but if I was frightened for her then I'd consider calling the police to stay with her / collect her for those few hours until I could get there.

Slimmingsnake · 21/08/2018 08:35

I'm wondering why he has put them in different rooms? For the slightest thing?.... he sounds nasty ,but I'd be thinking he had separated them for an alternative reason ..

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 21/08/2018 08:37

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Excited0803 · 21/08/2018 08:37

And by the way it's your daughter and her care - you don't "negotiate"; you state how it will be and if it isn't want you want then you remove her.

I wish I hadn't read the thread too, I'm feeling so scared for this poor girl and her cousin.

NynaeveSedai · 21/08/2018 08:38

You're annoyed because he turned his abusive attitude on to your daughter after previously only turning it on your niece?! Do you hear yourself?

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