To ask how much you expect to see your adult children?

[RunningWhipstitch]

DP's parents are trying to guilt trip him into spending more time with them.

Despite spending several evenings last week, and offering to see them in his lunch hour today, they are texting and ringing him about how disappointed they are.

How much would you expect to see your children in their mid twenties?

Mid-20s probably every couple of months. During the times my mum and I both lived in London, we were over an hour apart on public transport, so I probably saw her about as often as I saw my dad who lived an hour plus outside London. Probably once every two months or so. DP saw his parents a lot less than that.

I'm now 31 and live 100+ miles away from both parents, but we WhatsApp probably most days, so we're quite aware of what's going on in one another's lives, in a pleasantly non-invasive way. This morning I was sending my dad crossword clues. I see them both at similar 2-3 month intervals, and I'd hate it if either put pressure on for more; I'm honestly doing my best as it is. I love them both and enjoy being around them, but I travel a lot for work and don't want to spend too many of my weekends away from home too.

I usually spend a day a week with my adult DD, but she has a toddler and a baby and I think quite likes me distracting the toddler from mischief while she is pinned down breastfeeding. I either go to hers or we meet in town for lunch.

Are they bored? Perhaps that's part of the problem and they'd ease up a bit if they were encouraged to get involved in other activities. Could it be worth getting them on social media so that they feel informed of what's going on in the family's lives without actually needing to see him?

Now my Mum has passed away - not enough would give up loads to turn back time in my Twenties and see them more.

My parents never pushed but now - I wish for some much more time and I can never get it back

Im 6000 miles away and my brother is nearly twice that. We dont see our parents often

Despite spending several evenings last week

Do you mean EVERY SINGLE EVENING?

Very excessive. Do you live together? Have DC? How long?

I see adult DD who lives 1.5 hours away roughly once a month. If she lived very locally I would think once a week would be the norm.

Two years ago my mother in law moved and she is now only an hour away from us instead of 4/5. She bought a new home with her daughter so no longer lives alone. We saw visited her in January and June but I stay in touch with her by text and email. When she was living alone I would text her every morning but now she lives on the same property as her daughter so doesn't need/require the contact. When I went away it fell to my daughter to text her every day as my husband was afraid he would forget. We would visit as much or as little as she wants and I am pretty sure that she is happy with the level of contact we have.

My mum lives with us - I am her carer.

With my own kids - three have left home and moved away. One of them visits every couple of months, one maybe comes home three times a year and the third will probably do the same.

It is really hard to strike a balance - we never want to pressure them to come home (or rather, if for any reason we may need to ask them to come home it would be because it's necessary - hasn't happened yet) but that we are always, always happy for them to come with or without telling us first.

Seeing them is wonderful and I am like a kid at Christmas if I know they will be home - stocking the fridge with stuff they like etc. But as long as they stay in touch (answer my texts/emails) then I don't have any expectations about the amount of time they spend with us.

One of them got married this summer and we loved being involved with all the wedding prep, we spoke on the phone most days in the build up to the wedding before we arrived to help the day before, but that was a special time and I would not expect that level of contact to continue.

I hope I am a good mother/mother in law/daughter in law :-)

Definitely mixed responses here. Think it really is 'each to your own. After a 19 yr relationship, with 2 DC, who found it hard to be 'allowed' to see my parents/family/friends I am totally ok with seeing my parents regularly. My 2 DC are the youngest of 10 gc to my parents. As a single parent my two munchkins are happy to see my parents (no contact at all with ex or his side of family). My parents & sister's have been amazing with support & childcare. We speak about 3 x week + see each at least twice a week. Our choice. My view is that I am lucky to have my 2dc, lucky to still have my parents with us and so lucky to be able to share their time (they hv a social life too !!!) . Each to their own. I am thankful to have a fantastic relationship with my parents (my ex mil was a total hag) and cherish our time them x

My 'kids' are in their 40s. It all depends on how family birthdays and other celebrations fall as we can be seeing each other a lot over a short space of time, or we can go for weeks without being in contact. We know though, that should we or they be needed, there would be no hesitation. We're all comfortable with this arrangement - anything else would feel regulated. I'd nip it in the bud now as your life will be a nightmare when they are older. The guilt tripping will be enormous.

I'm 44 and live around 2 hours drive from my parents (both have been married again for over 30 years, so I have 4 parents) mum and step Dad probably visit 3 times per year, staying over for the night and i see them at Christmas. I see Dad and step mum more regularly but we just meet half way for lunch, they don't visit and stay as dad has health problems, we also get together at Christmas. DP and I both have full on jobs and no dc. I feel incredibly guilty that I don't see any of my parents enough and I do enjoy spending time with them. I have health problems myself which mean that I need to rest at the weekends to be able to do a full time job. I speak to both sets of parents every other day and text a lot too but as I say, I wish I saw them all more.

Im 45 see mum about 4 x yearly.
Dad about 3 x yearly
In laws about 6 x yearly

I see my parents and DH’s parents once a week and we are in our 40’s. I would hope when my sons are older I will see them every 1-2 weeks. I would never ever turn up unannounced if they were living with their partners/spouses and I would hope their partners/spouses wouldn’t mind us visiting them or vice versa.

Of course the above depends whether we live near each other.

You are the only one who can stop this. It's not healthy or normal if you don't want it.

I have 4 adult youngsters. 3 have left home. 2 abroad. I talk to our Daughter once a week by Skype or phone. Our youngest son as and when whose abroad.

Our eldest whose in the same City once a week and see him our DiL once a month for lunch. I do see him on an in/out basis as we do one day of childcare a week for them for our grandson.

Our 2nd lad still lives at home 're health problems so he doesn't count.

You need to get boundaries in place. They will try and manipulate you and put you on a guilt trip. You have to stick to your guns. If you have a partner he needs to stand with you on this.

They need to be developing there own lives. Not living through you

I think it depends on whether your relationship with them has changed / transitioned from parent-child to friends.

I (40-ish) live fairly locally to mine and see them once a week and enjoy a cake, a glass of wine and a good old chat. I love their company and we make each other laugh!

My DH on the other hand sees his parents once per month at most for a duty visit as they still treat him like a child and there's no genuine desire to spend time with them.

See my df about once a year as he lives abroad, dh's df every day as he's 91 and we check he's ok cos he lives on his own. When mil was alive we saw them every weekend, but that was because we wanted to, no guilt trips involved. Stamp it out now else it will only get worse op.

I'm 36 and since I moved out aged 16 I've seen my mum AT LEAST once a week, and spoken to her everyday, my granny more, my husband sees his parents everyday!! I don't get it, I really don't, someone explain it to me?

Depends where you live I think. When I moved away, I saw my parents once a month until I had my DS then it became once a fortnight. We saw my DH parents once a week. Now we live close- I see parents twice a week and inlaws come over once every other week, sometimes once a week.

We have bizarre lunch most sundays with my ex and adult kids and girlfriends. I’m always saying you don’t have to come. But they seem to like it. Sure it will change at some point. Also. Geography can have a huge impact.

I’m 26 and DH is 27. I’m an only child and DH has one older bro and both DMIL and DFIL have 2 younger sibs living at home

See my mum maybe every 3 months so 4x a year, speak to her on the phone about once a month maybe more depends if stuff happens. She hates Christmas so we always go to ILs for that. She lives 1.5hrs away by train. NC with my dad.

See ILs maybe 1-2 times a year, mostly Christmas and one other time for a mini holiday. Occasionally 3x depending if they come up to us. Both are further away, about 3-4 hrs via train. Speak to them sporadically on FB or FaceTime.

I feel like we are just the right amount of close but seeing the answers here makes me feel bad. We don’t have kids. But honestly i have no idea what we would talk about if we saw them all every week?! And it works for us and we make the most out of the times we do get together.

I’m 35 next month and see my parents everyday - we are neighbours and my son has a small door he, his stepbrother and stepsister, cousins and friends use to go and terrorise nanny and grandad with!! We used to have a big door too but boarded it up and put a bookcase over it because it never felt like we could properly relax ~or have naked adult time with DP without worrying one of my parents would be walking in~ But the kids love it!
His mum we see once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Mine and parents houses are 2 big 5 bedroomed joined barn conversions with 2 acres and we have a very open house policy.
Works for us.
I have 2 sisters and a brother. My youngest older sister comes over once a year from LA for a couple of weeks and my brother and sister, who live in Chelsea, haven’t been heard of for a couple of years other than at family funerals... 🤷🏻‍♀️

They're clearly parents who cannot let go and your DP must not give in to them.
A parent's job is to raise their children to be independent. And be pleased to see them if they want to visit every now and then.
This is totally unacceptable emotional blackmail .
He must stand up to them and be firm.

When I was mid 20s 3 or 4 times per year because I lived 3 hours away. Once I moved closer I would visit them once a month. Now I have a child 1-2 times per week. Dp hasn't spoke to his father for decades and he only started speaking to his mother again the past few years

I live 100 miles from parents and see them once a month and same distance DH parents once a month. My Brother sees my parents nearly every day. I would see them more if I was local but we live near London for work.

we don’t have a set amount really. When I was on maternity leave I saw my dad about 3/4 times a week- he’s retired.
Now it’s mayhe 1-2 times a week.
My in laws live an hour away and we try every fortnight, they have 4 children & so tend to see people frequently. Their other son (our BIL) they see them maybe 3/4 times a week as they help with child care