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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much you expect to see your adult children?

236 replies

RunningWhipstitch · 20/08/2018 18:56

DP's parents are trying to guilt trip him into spending more time with them.

Despite spending several evenings last week, and offering to see them in his lunch hour today, they are texting and ringing him about how disappointed they are.

How much would you expect to see your children in their mid twenties?

OP posts:
puppymouse · 20/08/2018 23:16

See my DM every Saturday and Monday. But that's kind of more for DD's benefit and she lives 5 mins away. DF we see quarterly probably. In-laws we used to see multiple times a week as they lived 3 miles away. Then we moved and MiL decided to have some kind of episode that means we're estranged essentially. I would nip it in the bud if you're not comfortable.

goose1964 · 20/08/2018 23:51

I see DD about once a fortnight, and they stay over roughly once a month. DS1 about every 2 months although he is moving back home after his landlord put his rent up. DS2 once every 3 or 4months as they live a long way from us and will stay for at least a long weekend and we can't afford to go up there too often, about once or twice a year.

Queenofthestress · 21/08/2018 00:47

I see my mum 3 times a week, and Dp's parents atleast once a fortnight but we speak 3/4 times a week online, the same for his sister and we're both early twenties

AL75 · 21/08/2018 17:40

My grandmother past away last year, she was like a mother to me aswell as a best friend. I still feel the pain in my heart with her loss and sometimes I feel guilty I didn't see her enough, I used to see her every 2-3 weeks. Parents won't be around for ever and the time you spend with them is very special, see as much of them as you can as one day you will never see them again and then you'll have no one to visit.

RuthW · 21/08/2018 17:46

My daughter is in her 20’s. We try and see each other at least every 3 weeks, but never more than 4. She lives an hour away.

3stonedown · 21/08/2018 17:47

If you don't count dropping DD off and picking her up on her day I see mum once or twice a week. I'm 26. See dad maybe once every 2 months. Dad actually lives closer...

DP sees his parents once a week. To be honest my mum is my best friend and I would see her more if we both had the time

MrsJonesAndMe · 21/08/2018 17:52

A minimum of bi-annually for mine and about 4 times a year for DH's

Lolly86 · 21/08/2018 17:55

I'm 32 see my dad once a week and my mum a couple of times a week but she looks after DD for me if DH and I are at work at the same time.
My older brother sees my parents(divorced) probably once every couple of months

dwab45 · 21/08/2018 17:55

One big FUCK OFF should be enough. As my DD once said to her DH, get your balls back out of your mother’s purse.

Fowles94 · 21/08/2018 17:55

I see my mum once a week unless we both have free time, no more is needed but at least once a week should be a must depending on distance.

Paie · 21/08/2018 17:58

Mid 20s and see DF once a week, unless one of us is ill.
I find this a bit too much tbh but also feel obligated to have him over this often or he gets pissy.

Rockyrockcake · 21/08/2018 17:58

I see my 3 about once a month to six weeks. We don’t really do visits as such more a pub meet up or Comedy Club outing.The only exceptions are kids birthdays when we go to their home.

We were totally pressurised by our parents. We had to visit every other weekend, so we said we would never do that to ours. We are a bit more like friends than anything which makes socialising with them more relaxing.

Our parents never really recognised us as adults, just ‘their children’.

user1485851222 · 21/08/2018 18:12

My 26 yr old son moved out 3 months ago. We see him 3-4 times a week, only because he comes back home to train in our gym. I'm under no illusion, if we hadn't got the gym we would be lucky to see him once every couple of months.

Mesoavocado · 21/08/2018 18:17

In mid 20s I lived about 3 hours away so saw parents maybe once every other month? I also lived abroad for a few years so then twice a year.

Now in mid 30s I see them as often as possible as DF is dying but still only every six to eight weeks due to school holidays etc

My MIL lives 30 mins away and I see her every other week. My DH less often!!!

JamForBrains · 21/08/2018 18:18

My eldest is 23 and lives with me. I dont see him for 2 weeks when he is on a late shift. I saw my parents nearly everyday as they looked after my children when I went to work. Now they are older I see my parents once or twice a month.

Petalflowers · 21/08/2018 18:20

When we lived locally to parents, probably once a week. When they moved away, every two or three months.

Rumi2018 · 21/08/2018 18:20

I see my parents 2-3 times a week, I enjoy seeing them and they moved closer so we could, the kids live seeing them. My pils also live close by and they are elderly, my husband goes to his parents almost every day as he helps out with his father who has dementia. They will not always be around. But we are a culture who are very family oriented, I don't think I actually have many friends outside the family, my favourite people are my parents and the siblings they've blessed me with! They are honestly my best friends as are many of my sis in laws! On holiday with a few of my sils right now!

I would feel sad if my children didn't want to spend time with us when they're older, though it's not an expectation, I am looking forward to when they're older and adults and we can spend a different type of quality time together xx

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 21/08/2018 18:23

I see my adult children weekly. Tbh it's more them wanting to see us. Childcare, coming round for food, borrowing all sorts of stuff, chilling out. My house is a bit of an open house and they call round very often.

Sometimes I feel like just putting a closed sign on the door Grin

YeTalkShiteHen · 21/08/2018 18:23

I spoke to my Mum daily on the phone when she was alive, and saw her most days.

Speak to Dad daily (more me checking on him tbh) and see him a couple of times a week, he pops in for a coffee or comes to pick my kids up.

Guilt tripping is manipulative and very weird.

whifflesqueak · 21/08/2018 18:23

I see my parents every day and i’m mid-twenties.

To be fair we live in the same (minuscule) village and because I work in the village pub I see most people every day Grin

mumknowsbest47 · 21/08/2018 18:24

I think it is very sad to read that lots only see their DC 6 or 7 times a year. I cannot imagine ever being like that. I work full time but spend saturdays shopping and lunching with my mum (I am 48). My DH does the same with his each Saturday (he is 58). Saturday evenings we go for dinner just the two of us so we are not sacrificing our own quality time. My DC (boys 22 and 19) also make a point of driving to see the their nan at least one a week for a cup of tea or dinner. We all work and have our own lives but equally we are a massive past or each other’s too. I think it is terribly sad to those that do not have this. My DC’s love me, look out for me and so do all their friends!

pteradactyl · 21/08/2018 18:26

I'm in my 30s and see my parents most days as they look after my DD. This is just a quick chat and leave with daughter. Once a week we see them for a family meal. I'm happy with this.

FuckPants · 21/08/2018 18:29

Early thirties, I see mine once a week, DH's never make the effort so it's when we do - twice a year, they see his sister several times a week.

Beamur · 21/08/2018 18:30

Depends how close you live too.
DSS and DSD are in their 20's. DH has seen DSS at home twice since Xmas and a couple of times has seen him where he lives (4 hrs away) DSD currently living 10 minutes drive away and we'll see her 2/3 times a week.
They are frequently in touch with their Dad by text etc, but they're young busy people and he doesn't expect more.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 21/08/2018 18:32

I live in a different country from my family and I see my parents twice a year: they come to us for a week and we go to them for a week. Plus weekly calls, and more frequent texts. Haven’t lived in the same town as my parents since I was 18. It’s a small place and I was miserable there.