To want to know the sex of my baby

[m4rdybum]

Me & DH have decided that we're going to ask to know the sex of the baby at our 20 week scan in a couple of weeks (of course, on the proviso they don't have their legs crossed).

When first deciding, I said that I would like to know but that if DH didn't want to know then neither of us would find out (to reduce the risk of accidentally saying what it was).

DH has been chatting to people at work about the upcoming scan, as you do, and many of his colleagues are shocked we're finding out. One even made a point of saying "we were only bothered about the child being healthy".

Obviously, our number one concern is our child's health, and us knowing the sex doesn't mean we're choosing it. I actually thought I would be more bothered about which I wanted, but it hasn't crossed my mind that I have a preference, yet.

I won't be going mad with pink or blue things and really only like the idea of knowing so as to get used to the idea - if that's the right turn of phrase? It would also be nice to have a better idea of what names we need to think about, to help whittle it down.

AIBU?

Lots of people decide to hear the sex of their child at the scan. YANBU - your choice.

Why would anyone else be bothered about your choice - that's what I want to know.

I think it’s daft not to find out if you want to know. It’s because it’s more PC not to care, and I didn’t exactly care, but I was interested. I didn’t find out with DC1 because she was in an awkward position but did with DD2.

I've actually found it's more unusual now not to find out!

It's up to you.

I don't know the sex of mine and have got names sorted out for either sex.

Oh and some of my unisex clothes are pink and some blue as they have been borrowed from other people who all had girls. There as the clothes I've brought are multicoloured.

DH is now saying it's made him feel guilty, which has made me sad.

I agree, Tattoo. I'm more interested than bothered.

Each to their own but I never wanted to.

To me it just felt like if I found out I would know exactly who was coming and there would be no excitement.

I’ve had the opposite. The world and his wife are asking me what we’re having so I’ve said that we didn’t find out at the 20 week scan. Most are really surprised!

Why on earth would either of you care what some people at work think?
Of course yanbu. You're going to need to toughen up against other people's opinions by the time the baby is here or you'll spend your life second guessing yourself.

Your choice. Nowt to do with anyone else.

YANBU.
I don’t care whether anyone else finds out or not, it’s a personal decision. It does annoy me when people get all sanctimonious about not finding out, as if they are better people for waiting another 20 weeks.

I knew with all three of mine what I was having (but always had back up names just in case!). I mainly bought white, mint and lemon for all three and just bought one or two boy/girl outfit.

I’ve had 3 dc and found out the sex as soon as I could. Baby was growing in my body and I wanted to know what was in there, it’s all you can really know about them until you meet!

Do whatever you like lovely and people with the “oh I just wanted a healthy baby” line just why? Are they really implying I didn’t give a fuck about my baby’s health as I wanted to know the sex?

We found out. Purely because DH is a massive child and couldn't wait and I'm a planner. I wanted to have names chosen, room decorated, clothes bought etc. If we couldn't have found out it wouldn't have mattered, but we wanted to. It didn't take any of the excitement away from when she was actually born. I'm not sure why people think it will make it less exciting.

So if you find out the sex it means you’re more bothered about that than their overall well-being? How bizarre. Many shit parents in the world then .

YANBU at all.

Anyone who thinks that their opinion of what you should do about your own baby is important, is a twat. Generally. This applies to finding out sex, names, routines, feeding methods etc. Sooner you and dh get your head round this the easier this whole thing will be.

Decide when you get there if you want. But whatever you choose only consider your and dhs opinions.

We didnt find out with dc1 and did with dc2. Meh.

Done it both ways...8 children and found out with 7 of them. Has no bearing on surprise...it’s either a surprise at 20 weeks or a surprise at birth! Siblings definitely benefit from knowing beforehand imo as they can get used to the idea and start to bond with the brother/sister. We didn’t find out with no 4 & eldest dd had a very hard time coming round to the fact that baby was another brother not the sister she wanted!! To say op is more bothered about the sex than health is just rude of the colleagues!!

It’s a surprise whether you find out now or at the birth. No different, and at the birth you get to the surprise to see what they look like and actually meeting them, so finding out the sex half way through helps with some of the excitement!

Me and DH have come to a compromise. He wants to know, and I want a surprise. We knew at 16weeks with DS1 as there was no denying it haha, but I wanted a surprise with DC2 (this pregnancy)

So we have decided the sonogropher is to tell DH and then it's up to him what he wants to do to "surprise" me and reversal the gender later in the day 😂 god knows what he will do but it gets him involved and I'm sure it will be an interesting reveal haha!

YANBU to want to know, tell others to feck off! Learn that now it will set you up for parenting haha

I really wanted to know!

I wanted to know. Never felt guilty for wanting to know. Just find out as you both want to. I've never understood the surprise thing - it's still a surprise at 20 week scan! Obviously health comes first. Most people do find out I think. Out of my Nct group 8/10 of us found out.

You're going to have to toughen up against comments from people. Everyone has an opinion. No ones business but yours.

For goodness sake how ridiculous. Some people would just like to suck any the joy there is out of pregnancy. Some women really struggle in pregnancy and finding out is something nice to break it up. Whether you find joy in finding out and bonding with your baby as a girl or a boy, or take the joy from finding out at the birth, it is no one else’s business.
How dare they comment and make your dh feel bad. I’m annoyed for you both.
Ignore ignore ignore!

It is possible that having a scan could harm your baby, why take the risk of an unnecessary medical intervention.
Let nature take its course and wait and see, it serves no purpose to know before the birth the sex of your child.

It seems to me that just about everyone knows these days. I got roasted for saying I preferred it back in the dark ages when it was a surprise. Let's see if it happens again!

Ermmm you what vicky?!