To want to know the sex of my baby

[m4rdybum]

Me & DH have decided that we're going to ask to know the sex of the baby at our 20 week scan in a couple of weeks (of course, on the proviso they don't have their legs crossed).

When first deciding, I said that I would like to know but that if DH didn't want to know then neither of us would find out (to reduce the risk of accidentally saying what it was).

DH has been chatting to people at work about the upcoming scan, as you do, and many of his colleagues are shocked we're finding out. One even made a point of saying "we were only bothered about the child being healthy".

Obviously, our number one concern is our child's health, and us knowing the sex doesn't mean we're choosing it. I actually thought I would be more bothered about which I wanted, but it hasn't crossed my mind that I have a preference, yet.

I won't be going mad with pink or blue things and really only like the idea of knowing so as to get used to the idea - if that's the right turn of phrase? It would also be nice to have a better idea of what names we need to think about, to help whittle it down.

AIBU?

Why do nurseries need to be themed at all? It's purely parental preference until your child is old enough to express a preference. My dd's main activity in her early months was screaming, but then she shared our room anyway, and then she moved in with ds, I think they were five and six when they got their own rooms (painted in highly gendered ways as that was what they liked then, repainted in their teens when they both chose blue).

I just think it's a bit sad that we find out the sex as soon as we can and then treat them differently according to their sex so much.

I just think it's a bit sad that we find out the sex as soon as we can and then treat them differently according to their sex so much

You think it’s sad that parents want to create a room they feel happy in? A room they feel is warm and comfortable for their child?

I absolutely wanted to know 100%, this had a bearing in many things.. the colour/decor of the room was not one of them, but do what if it had been? I hardly think parents are ruining their children with blue or pink walls.

I also agree with another poster that this treatment doesn’t really vary whether the gender is found out before or at the birth. They’re either the type to put girls in pink frills or they’re not... when they find out the gender will have no bearing on this.

We found out to help our other children adjust to a brother/sister. Nothing to.do with nursery colours.

@Vicky1990, I've read some nonsense on here in my time, but you REALLY take the

Me and my husband wanted to find out and comments like this from family really wound me up. We didn’t have a preference but we were both really exited to know and it would help narrow down the name desisions which couldn’t really agree on. For me finding out made it seem more real. Do what’s right for you ignore everyone else. Wanting to know the sex doesn’t mean you don’t care if their healthy

But you don't need to know your child's sex in order to provide them with a nice nursery. Newborn babies can't see much in the way of colour anyway, not having good colour perception until at least five months.

Does it matter if you colour code everything by gender stereotypes? The pin or blue wall is just a coloured wall, but gender biases run deep and they limit our expectations. There is lots of research showing how people treat a pink coded baby differently to a blue coded one.

YANBU
We found out the sex for both our babies. Genuinely didnt have a preference, just keen to know so that we only had to come up with one lot of names, could bond as a he or she rather than "it" and could buy clothes etc. We didnt go down the road of all frilly pink etc but i didnt want to have only 'gender neutal' colours. To be honest I could have waited until birth but hubby really wanted to know, and I was fine with that. I couldnt believe how many people were judgemental though. I had an Aunty complain that no one has surpeises anymore. My reply was that it was still a surprise, just an earlier surprise rather than a surprose at birth.

People like to judge and criticise every decision you make once you're pregnant or a parent. Just do what makes you happy and only divulge details to people who sont make you feel bad or uncomfortable.

There are a lot of assumptions being made on this thread. We found out the sex. It helped me to bond with the baby and made choosing a name easier. I also just like to know things: information is power!
We didn’t repaint the nursery as it had only been painted a year before. The baby furniture we chose was white and all the clothes I bought were gender neutral. I bought a pink baby changing mat (for a boy) because it was on sale and the “boy” version wasn’t. I don’t see a link between how focused parents are on pink or blue and when they find out. Most of my friends are sensible people who don’t go in for overt gender stereotyping but they still chose to find out the sex.

I wanted to know so I could choose a name - no harm in that surely?

Find out, don't find out, up to the individual person/couple. You'll know eventually, whether on or around 20 weeks or at the birth. It's special regardless.

FWIW, we didn't find out. No big reason other than we weren't bothered either way. I do remember being so utterly shell shocked at the birth (quick delivery) that when the midwife said "boy", I didn't feel anything except shock at the birth 🤣 I had a feeling it was a boy all along anyway.

I do remember it being quite exciting ringing family to let them know baby Had arrived and the anticipation of revealing it was a boy, his name, weight etc. But then I haven't got the experience of announcing the sex halfway through the pregnancy so can't compare the two.

We are TTC our second baby and still leaning towards not finding out but we'll see. The only thing that annoyed me when people (strangers mostly) knew that we weren't finding out/didn't find out, constantly said that we wouldn't bond, get organised, decorate the nursery, choose names etc we managed just fine thank you....

I agree that there is a strong gender bias... but I think you are reaching when you say finding out the gender before birth has any bearing on that.

I found out, and my son was wore classically boyish clothes when he was a baby (neutral nursery though). He also had dolls and buggies and a play kitchen as a small child, as well as cars and toy guns. He went through a stage in preschool where he would only answer to Princess, and would wear dresses and pretty make up to any event we were going to.

He’s back into ‘boy mode’ now, by his own choosing.

I really think you are trying a make an issue out of nothing in this thread tbh.

I didn't find out with my first, we wanted a surprise on the 'day'. Lovely moment when my husband told me it was a boy.

We found out with my second at the scan, we thought it would help our son understand what was coming (ie a brother or sister!). Lovely moment when the sonographer asked us to guess (!) and then told us it was a girl.

Both lovely and joyous moments. The same joy just at different times! Do whatever you want to do and screw everyone else.

Here’s another theory... it may or may not be correct... but I’ve always thought when people of an older generation, say they don’t believe in finding out the gender and there aren’t any surprises anymore (I have heard this many times in life actually) is there a hint of jealousy there? Back in their time there wasn’t an option to find out, they had to hope for the best and wait for 9 months, to find out gender, health of the baby etc id imagine if you really wanted to know that’s a looooong time to wait, whereas nowadays the decision is ours whether we choose to find out or not. I’m not saying either choice is right or wrong (to find out) it’s completely up to the parents, but judgement based on a choice that can be made using technology of this time surely isn’t “wrong” - just annoys me when older people take this view that their way in the Olsen days without a choice of knowing was the best way - it wasn’t! You had no choice! Now we do. Rant over!

Olsen means olden obviously!!!

No jealousy here. It was really nice having no choice. At no time when I was pregnant did I wish I could know the baby's gender before the birth. Everyone is different and should make their own decision, there's no right or wrong way.

What evidence is there that people that find out the sex earlier, are more into gender stereotyping??? And even if there was a proven link, it does not mean that every person does that.

I found out I was having a girl. Painted the nursery green. Going home outfit white with grey and blue elephants. Pram was green. Blankets yellow and turqoise. Toys all multicoloured options rather than boy or girl versions etc etc

I think if you want to fill your house and nursery with pink glittery princess love hearts then it's going to happen whteher you find out at 20 weeks or 40 weeks.

Despite knowing my preferences, nearly every present other people have bought for my daughters since they were born has been girly and it's hard to get away from this. I buy them boys stuff to balance it out. Short of not telling people the sex even after they're born, it seems impossible to stop

I hate gender stereotyping but think finding out the sex at a scan is completely irrelevant