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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to know the sex of my baby

166 replies

m4rdybum · 19/08/2018 19:24

Me & DH have decided that we're going to ask to know the sex of the baby at our 20 week scan in a couple of weeks (of course, on the proviso they don't have their legs crossed).

When first deciding, I said that I would like to know but that if DH didn't want to know then neither of us would find out (to reduce the risk of accidentally saying what it was).

DH has been chatting to people at work about the upcoming scan, as you do, and many of his colleagues are shocked we're finding out. One even made a point of saying "we were only bothered about the child being healthy".

Obviously, our number one concern is our child's health, and us knowing the sex doesn't mean we're choosing it. I actually thought I would be more bothered about which I wanted, but it hasn't crossed my mind that I have a preference, yet.

I won't be going mad with pink or blue things and really only like the idea of knowing so as to get used to the idea - if that's the right turn of phrase? It would also be nice to have a better idea of what names we need to think about, to help whittle it down.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SuperstarDJ · 19/08/2018 19:46

Vicki you do know that the 20wk scan is the anomaly scan? What eveidence is there that this harms the baby?

kaytee87 · 19/08/2018 19:47

@Vicky1990 you don't seem to have any idea what you're talking about. The scan would be taking place anyway

Bluelady · 19/08/2018 19:48

Vicky, that's nonsense.

CatPatrol · 19/08/2018 19:48

It is possible that having a scan could harm your baby, why take the risk of an unnecessary medical intervention. Let nature take its course and wait and see, it serves no purpose to know before the birth the sex of your child.

I’m not sure I can roll my eyes more at this! OP, the scan you are having is the one where the sonographer looks at all of your baby’s organs in detail. In the horrible event that there is a concern, your baby might need to be born at a specific hospital for immediate surgery and that means the scan could save your baby’s life. Please ignore the ignorant poster above.

Janusrock · 19/08/2018 19:49

Ridiculous people! It's entirely up to you! I didn't find out and the added mystery/excitement really kept me going at the end of my pregnancy but others I know have found out and felt that it really helped them bond with the baby as they could give them a name and imagine what they might look like etc.

The one annoying thing was that all I had for DD was gender neutral clothes- so everyone assumed she was a boy! I'm not one for pink either but I do like to dress her in something that indicates she's a girl now.

MorrisDancingViv · 19/08/2018 19:50

Eugh, I was pregnant the same time as a relative who did the 'I don't care, I just want a healthy baby' thing. She also declined the nuchal tests because 'I just want a baby, it doesn't matter if it has any medical conditions'. I found out the sex and had the tests. She just said it in such a sanctimonious way I quite honestly wanted to slap her.

Now I'm pregnant again and it's driving her up the wall that I have decided not to find out the sex this time Grin

Vicky1990 · 19/08/2018 19:51

You do not have to have a scan if you do not want it, I didn't have one for either of mine.

NotBeforeCoffee · 19/08/2018 19:52

If you want to find out, find out! You don't have to tell anyone else!

I personally couldn't wait to find out, it's so exciting and makes it all feel real. But also, even if I hadn't asked I would have known anyway because I could clearly see a willy on the screen. In fact my DH saw it on the 12 week scan.

You might want to ask your husband to hold back on the parenting chat at work. I find it quite irritating when DH comes home from and starts saying 'do you think...' and questions a parenting decision you've made together after he's clearly had a convo with a random at work who is some kind of 'expert'

Bluelady · 19/08/2018 19:52

Then you're bonkers.

vampirethriller · 19/08/2018 19:53

I wanted to know so I found out. It's nobody else's business.

CatPatrol · 19/08/2018 19:56

You do not have to have a scan if you do not want it, I didn't have one for either of mine.

You also don’t need to see a midwife, have vaccinations, anyone with you when you give birth, or do checks in the early days but most parents prioritise the well-being of their babies and do these things.

Iwantaunicorn · 19/08/2018 19:56

I was dying to know, and booked a 16 week scan to find out. It helped me bond with the babies, and the early reassurance that they were growing beautifully was great too. Your baby, find out if you want to!

RowenaDedalus · 19/08/2018 19:56

I find the ‘I only wanted a healthy baby’ comments a bit odd too. Some people don’t get a healthy baby. It’s completely unrelated to the baby’s sex and the fact that there’s a baby in there that you created is a lovely and wonderful thing.... I really don’t know how to articulate what I mean 🙈 just that phrase annoys me.

Beingginger · 19/08/2018 19:56

I didn’t find out for dc1 and 2 but did for dc3 because dd was desperate for a sister and we wanted to prepare her, as it was she got another brother. She wasn’t happy (she was 3) and it gave us a few months to prepare her.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/08/2018 19:57

Well of course you're only really bothered about the baby being healthy, so that was just a silly statement. No where have you expressed a preference for one or the other. Only that you want to know.
I think it's more common to know than not know. I only didn't ask because I didn't think I had to I was convinced I was having a boy.

Dahlietta · 19/08/2018 19:58

To me it just felt like if I found out I would know exactly who was coming and there would be no excitement.

I've heard this line of thought before, but I can't imagine the arrival of a baby not being exciting just because you already knew whether it was a boy or a girl Confused.

I've no idea why people have opinions on this in other people. There's no right or wrong about it - just do what feels right for you!

Vicky1990 · 19/08/2018 19:58

Google does a scan harm my baby.

Hidillyho · 19/08/2018 19:59

We didn’t find out because I wanted it to be a surprise for the day they were born. I also heard that you are suppose to push the baby out faster if you don’t know. Waters broke on a Sunday and DC born (by emacs) on the Wednesday says that the myth was wrong Hmm
Each to their own. You have to find out one day what you have, does it really matter if you find out at 20 weeks by scan (although could be wrong) or at 40 weeks on their birth day?

Bluelady · 19/08/2018 20:00

Vicky, millions of babies of healthy babies have been born following scans. I'll take that over Dr Google.

LaurieMarlow · 19/08/2018 20:01

Why on earth would you refuse an anomaly scan? Confused

OP it seems to be more PC these days to not find out. Presumably because people want to demonstrate how cool they are with either sex. But what other people think is neither here nor there.

We didn't find out with DC1 and did find out with DC2. The second time I wanted to know so that we could plan and to make the naming decision easier (as we really struggled with that first time round). No regrets at all.

Stardust91 · 19/08/2018 20:01

To be honest i never thought it was a big deal finding out the baby's sex and i always assumed people were looking forward in knowing. That was until people started asking if we were going to find out and then they were very surprised when i was saying 'yeah, we will find out' . They were looking at me like 'really???' while politely smiling and saying 'how nice' Hmm

Do whatever you like OP, i had my surprise at the scan where we found out what we were having. Now or in a few months, what does it matter. To me personally, it didn't.

YANBU to want to know. You will have other things to be looking forward to when you give birth to your DC, the sex doesn't necessarily have to be one of those things if you want to know sooner!

Figgygal · 19/08/2018 20:02

I don't understand not finding out
With both of my boys it was blindingly obvious to the untrained eye they were boys too Grin

WhatWouldCoachBombayDo · 19/08/2018 20:02

@Vicky1990 you what love? You can't be serious? Jesus wept....

OP ignore this poster, scans and medical help when pregnant are 100% the norm and safe!

CatPatrol · 19/08/2018 20:02

Vicky, Google isn’t regulated or necessarily accurate. Grin

Lipsticktraces · 19/08/2018 20:03

I think it’s more unusual not to find out. I’ve just had twins and we didn’t find out the sex in advance. Most of the hospital staff expressed that that is quite rare nowadays.

Do whatever you feel happiest with. It’s your baby. Bugger everyone elseSmile

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