to think she set a weekday wedding to avoid DC?

[Weddingproblems]

Firstly I know its her big day and her choice and I won't bring this up with her, but just wanted to let off a bit of steam really as I'm feeling a little hurt.

My cousin is getting married next October, she originally set a date in September on a Saturday (no invites at that point but told us all the dates), they have no DC and I'm not sure if they want to she has never really shown an urge too and doesn't seem very maternal (she would also need it to happen fairly soon as she is in late 30s). We grew up together and the family is very close, before she got engaged she had mentioned children and said she's not sure on having DC "running around everywhere" and prefers adult events.

She has now changed the date and sent invites, it is on a Friday. This now means I can't attend the wedding and I'm gutted. DC are 4 & 6 and I truly don't have anyone who could pick them up from school/have them for the evening and the wedding is a few hours away.

I'd expect this will be a problem with a lot of guests with DC/work and I'm wondering if she deliberatly chose a weekday for this reason? After all if you worked fridays you may be able to book it off but you couldn't do the same with school.

If it were a weekend and she had stated no children I would have been able to come as XH has the DC and I would have worked around her if they were welcome at reception/not at all. We aren't amicable and he works away during the week so him looking after them on a weekday is a no go, all of my family who normally help with childcare will be at the wedding.

The weekday isn't financially motivated as far as I can tell as her very very wealthy father is paying for it and can't see him insisting on a weekday.

@Icanttakemuchmore I can understand that you've not read the thread as your question has been answered but here at 11 pages-in you're forgiven

Her dc are invited and the wedding is over a year away so this is all a drama the OP instigated on her own.

Ah Vlad, I see. Well, plenty of time to organise childcare, even ex dh could have an annual leave day I'm sure, to help? Or take them with her.

God is non problem/no issue still going

Icanttake Pretty much everyone on this now giant thread has said the same thing over and over again but the OP still feels aggrieved

... and still people keep coming on to the thread to plop down their words of wisdom without bothering to read what all 270+ posts have already covered

Do you think we're in some sort of meta-thread in which the thread has lived and died and is now in some state of 4D - in which we explain the thread on the thread whilst people intermittently pop in with 'words of wisdom'.

I don't know

But this whole 'I haven't RTFT' seems to be happening more and more often and it's really irritating (not to say arrogant on the part of those who post like this)

To be fair BIWI I see where you're coming from but I sometimes get put off by giant threads which seem so obviously simple to resolve yet everyone is up in arms over apparently not very much. I do like people to admit that they haven't read the fucking thread if they haven't - I'm only about as I joined in when the thread was still quite nascent so I like to think I've kept on top of things here

Someone will be along shortly to tell me to get a life!

I still can’t understand it anyway as the kids are invited!!!!!??????

So she hasn’t planned her wedding to avoid them they are invited!!!!!

Ok I need to get a life

Even if I don't RTFT, I put it into 'Show 100 messages' and read all the OPs posts (although I'm on a laptop).

I wonder if device makes a difference actually now you mention that slash. When I'm on my laptop I am happy to wade through a ginormous thread given I have a glass of wine but if I'm just sat on a train journey and using my mobile I'm less inclined to wade through a thread and just have a brief glance over different threads without really posting on them.

So you're "gutted" to not go to a wedding you could easily go to?

What a drama over nothing? You don't really want to go, just say so.

Easy peasy. Take the kids out of school for one day and go to the wedding. If it's the second half of oct it'll probably be half term anyway, if it's not school will be playing games and watching films winding down ready for half term.

But even if they did book it for a Friday during term time to deter child guests, so what?

They're not obliged to arrange it for a Saturday so that a cousin or anyone else can attend.

I arranged the date of my wedding around my sister and nieces who live abroad, I certainly wouldn't arrange it around a cousin. It was also a Monday out of term time because we got a bargain. If people couldn't attend we were fine with it. Most did attend.

yes @VladmirsPoutine I think you're right - it's much easier to read longer threads on a laptop or PC than on a phone, and I think more and more people use the mobile site now, which could explain it.

At the very least, as @slashlover says, read the OP's posts; that way you can see if the thread has moved on from in some way

Best friend married on a Friday. Was totally about the massively lower venue cost than compared to Saturday. (Is like how we parents get screwed for holiday costs during the school holidays versus term time.)

pretty much everyone on this now giant thread has said the same thing over and over again but the OP still feels aggrieved

Not sure where you have got this from hence I said about 3 or 4 pages ago what my solution was and yet people are still heaping on the catty comments about how much "drama" I have created when posting on an anonymous forum vs actually telling the bride is no drama at all...

Yes if someone states they aren't keen on children (which she has in the past) and says they like adult only occasions and then books the wedding on a friday one can assume that this was in the hope some children couldn't come.

Yes she could have stated no children but both bride and groom have lots of children both sides and it could have caused some aggrevation/problems so an easy solution would be to put it on a school day where lots of children wouldn't make it/friends children or children that would have come at a weekend but aren't particularly close to the wedding party.

As far as the costs go, the wedding is in a church so would not vastly go up/down from Friday to Saturday and the reception is going to be at a family members estate so no change there either.

Give me strength. Even more posters have intermittently come along to dispense their wisdom whilst we've been having this very discussion @BIWI Oh FFS! Whilst your here could you give me a link to your thread on the current weight-loss group - I want to join the next round, not necessarily to lose weight as I'm quite thin already but to get some more advice and support as it were about strength/losing/maintaining and so forth.

Have you name changed op?

And yes she probably did book it like that as she dislikes children.

Good for her

Exactly. Why should they have children running around interrupting adult conversation and diverting attention to them.

@VladmirsPoutine

People are entitled “to dispense their wisdom” as you put it. The thread is on AIBU.

It's about the couple, not your children. I understand finding childcare can be expensive but it's a lot of extra mouths to feed and loud voices to ruin the wedding if they make it convenient for all children (if that's why they did it - maybe they just wanted a weekday because it was bloody cheaper or something, who knows?) and while your children may be impeccably behaved, they can't just invite your precious babies.

Have you name changed op?

Yes I am a regular poster and use mumsnet a lot, specifically on SN boards in detail about DC, so name changed to ask this, as I would be identified by putting the two together. I think name changing back failed though!