to think she set a weekday wedding to avoid DC?

[Weddingproblems]

Firstly I know its her big day and her choice and I won't bring this up with her, but just wanted to let off a bit of steam really as I'm feeling a little hurt.

My cousin is getting married next October, she originally set a date in September on a Saturday (no invites at that point but told us all the dates), they have no DC and I'm not sure if they want to she has never really shown an urge too and doesn't seem very maternal (she would also need it to happen fairly soon as she is in late 30s). We grew up together and the family is very close, before she got engaged she had mentioned children and said she's not sure on having DC "running around everywhere" and prefers adult events.

She has now changed the date and sent invites, it is on a Friday. This now means I can't attend the wedding and I'm gutted. DC are 4 & 6 and I truly don't have anyone who could pick them up from school/have them for the evening and the wedding is a few hours away.

I'd expect this will be a problem with a lot of guests with DC/work and I'm wondering if she deliberatly chose a weekday for this reason? After all if you worked fridays you may be able to book it off but you couldn't do the same with school.

If it were a weekend and she had stated no children I would have been able to come as XH has the DC and I would have worked around her if they were welcome at reception/not at all. We aren't amicable and he works away during the week so him looking after them on a weekday is a no go, all of my family who normally help with childcare will be at the wedding.

The weekday isn't financially motivated as far as I can tell as her very very wealthy father is paying for it and can't see him insisting on a weekday.

[apriljune12]

Look op you have been teased here but honestly you are being a bit unreasonable. You either go and take your kids or you don’t.

Are you perhaps feeling it’s because your child is SN and you feel it’s an attempt to exclude him because that’s clearly not the case as they were invited. It’s dead easy now to have child free weddings. I think you are overthinking this massively you know.

Most posters agree so maybe they are right?

[BIWI]

@VladimirsPoutine Here you go!

[ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs]

I'm another one who got married in a Friday! I didn't have dc then and never thought about whether Or not they would be able to get out of school etc (think it was actually school holidays, but couldn't be sure!) All the children we invited came, and we were happy to see them!

When my cousin got married it was also on a Friday and children not invited. We managed a rota of babysitters! One friend did the morning, one did the afternoon, then I came home for a bit to put them to bed, then my dad left the wedding later to let me go back for a while, it all worked out fine! Bit of a hassle, but I love my cousin and wanted to be there!

My other cousin also got married on a Friday and we compromised and just went to the evening do, because kids were then at school and I needed to work. It never entered my head to be cross with my cousins for not taking my personal circumstances into consideration! I know how tricky it is planning a wedding and trying to please everyone!

I would think about whether or not you want to/ can possibly go to the wedding, or even just part of it. If you want to and can manage something, great. If you decide it's too much hassle, politely decline. But please don't say anything to your cousin! Seeing the stress a colleague was under last year while trying to organise "her" day, while also trying to accommodate demands/ complaints from family members had led me to have a whole new sympathy for people planning that "happy" event! Threads on here reinforce that!

[lynmilne65]

Does anyone care?
Stupid thread !

[oldsockeater]

She has picked Friday for whatever reason (cost, convenience, availability of venue, dates some close family/friends on one side or the other can make?) and doesn't really mind if people bring children or not. Or possibly hasn't considered it as a problem.

Even someone who liked children is unlikely to be that bothered if someone else's young children are there or not. I doubt they have done it just to avoid children, they could have specified no children for a saturday wedding if they wanted.

You can take them out of school if you want, even if the school don't 'authorise it', they can't stop you and won't take it further for just one day off. Just politely inform them that the children won't be in on that day due to a family wedding. Don't get your children to lie, it's pointless and silly.

[MrsDesireeCarthorse]

I find this unbelievably pathetic, mean-spirited and spoilt. From you.

Your cousin wants to get married on a Friday, inviting children with plenty of notice to get time off school (and note that the under-4s - by far the worst at weddings - aren't affected in the first place).

Yet here you are all 'hurt' and 'letting off steam' ie immediately thinking badly of her, choosing to put the worst possible spin on her decision and get your knickers in a twist about it. All because she wants to marry on a Friday. Oh, and adding in some nasty little comments about her age and maternal status while making it all about you.

You should be ashamed of yourself. What a very small person you are.

[VladmirsPoutine]

@BIWI Thanks!

[bunnyrabbit93]

I find it so strange when people don't want children at their weddings. I can understand if a couple doesn't want friends children (as that can add up and all their families aren't going to the wedding therefore more likely to have someone to baby sit ) but for children in the family is just saying family aren't invited ! Children are just as part of a family as adults

[Failingat40]

What an odd comment, I don't want to go to "a" wedding, I wanted to go to theirs, someone I have grown up with and wanted to see married and celebrate with them

It's their day, not yours. Your childcare issues are not their concern.

You are invited to attend, not obligated. If you want to go you have plenty time to arrange childcare.

There's a whole industry out there you know, to provide childcare for any event/circumstance?

Or, the kids father can you know, step up and pick his kids up from school for one day ffs.

[TheMonkeyMummy]

As far as I knew, the priority when organizing a wedding was suitability for the bride and groom?

But as you don't see why you should be grateful for an invitation for you and your children, to share their special day, do everyone a favour, stfu and don't go. Let them invite someone who would really enjoy being part of the day.

YABU

[Rainbunny]

Friday weddings are becoming really popular in my part of the world and I love them actually. You get plenty of notice with the invite (or more if they send a save the date card) to arrange the day off and you can enjoy the wedding, recover/travel back etc. on Saturday and still have a Sunday to relax in before the new work week. Perfect IMO. Also of course they are typically thousands cheaper!

I really don't like your way of thinking however OP, the bride is in her late thirties so you feel free to speculate about whether she will have children and somehow tie in her childless state at her age to her perhaps disliking children at weddings! What crap if I do say so!

[TheDowagerCuntess]

My cousin is getting married next October ... they have no DC

It's almost as if it's weird to get married without already having children.

and I'm not sure if they want to she has never really shown an urge too and doesn't seem very maternal (she would also need it to happen fairly soon as she is in late 30s)



This thread is actually hilarious.

[Thehappygardener]

We got married on a Monday for various valid reasons and our bridesmaids had no problems with getting a day off from school, as did two cousins who are teachers (they needed AL).

A friend has a very disabled adult son and because he has a very short attention span and does not really like other people, and shouts loudly if my friend does not give him her entire attention, he did not go to his sisters wedding but instead they created a simple event for him the day before and his normal carer/babysitter looked after him on the day of the wedding. Everyone was happy with this compromise, including my friends son.

My aunt and uncle also didn’t come to my wedding, they sent a lovely card and message and were mentioned at our reception, they loved the photos and we went to their flat for a post-wedding tea a few weeks after the actual wedding. They said it would all have been too much to attend the actual day but were pleased to have been remembered.

If you can’t get to the wedding, could you get to the hen night or some post wedding, celebratory tea ir lunch party?

Lots of options for you, do hope that it all goes well. 🌺

[Lizzie48]

It isn't at all kind to say that your cousin isn't at all maternal. You don't know how she actually feels about having children herself. I wasn't particularly maternal or broody before I got married, unlike my DSis, who always wanted a big family. But after getting married, the broodiness kicked in in a big way and it was devastating to discover that I was infertile (our DDs are adopted).

Re the weekday wedding, I think you may well find that the school will approve it, a family wedding is a big deal after all. We applied for special leave for DD1 to attend DD2's Adoption Day, and also leave to attend their cousin's Adoption Day. They approved it both times.

If not, I also would just take an unauthorised absence. They're not likely to fine you just for one day.

[rosiejaune]

@Weddingproblems if you could get back from the ceremony to school pick-up in time, why not go to the ceremony alone, pick them up, and then take them to the reception (even if you miss a bit)?

I know that's more travelling for you (not sure how far away it is?), but you could just all go to the reception and miss the ceremony if it's too far to do two trips.