Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think friend fancies my Husband

160 replies

Anonymumm · 19/08/2018 03:09

Sorry, just have to get it off my chest.

A friend (not close, whom I see rarely) definitely fancies my Husband, she doesn't flirt but it's soooo obvious that she fancies him.

My DH is really handsome, and I dont think you'd put us together, but we've been together forever, married a long time, and two lovely DC.

This friend is also extremely attractive, a lot younger and a lot prettier than me.

I don't know why, but it unsettles me - I'm being silly aren't I? Insecure and silly? I guess it's because it's so bloody obvious to me (thankfully, DH oblivious and I'm not mentioning it to him or anyone else, just need to vent and get it off my chest)

Anyone else had similar?

OP posts:
Shortyboo · 19/08/2018 03:32

I haven’t had similar because my ex is utterly repugnant to most women, myself included Wine

Have you had insecurities before about your husband? As for your friend-just laugh it off, you have him and she most probably is looking very silly making her feelings so obvious.

ShumpaLumpa · 19/08/2018 03:33

What does she do that makes it obvious she fancies him?

I'm surprised you see her when it's so obvious and you're not close?

winnieofwhitby · 19/08/2018 03:34

If you're not close why bother seeing her at all? In what way does she enhance your life?

AmericanEskimoDoge · 19/08/2018 03:40

No, but I can understand why you'd find it unsettling. I think that's a pretty normal response, under the circumstances.

I'd probably want to avoid her, tbh, since she's not a close friend. If she's making you uncomfortable, you don't have to keep in touch. Friendships wax and wane for all sorts of reasons. This one seems as good as any.

thebewilderness · 19/08/2018 03:44

It makes us uncomfortable when a person is so obvious about their inappropriate feelings. You are not unreasonable to be aware of such things.
Hopefully she will get over her crush before you have to see her again.

daisychain01 · 19/08/2018 03:55

If you really must see someone you describe as extremely attractive, a lot younger and a lot prettier than me and who has inappropriate feelings towards your DH, just meet her somewhere neutral like a restaurant.

If it were me, I'd find a different friend, that combination sounds wholly unhelpful and not exactly enhancing to self esteem.. Looks aren't everything, attractive people can be lovely human beings too, but that's probably pushing it!

Topseyt · 19/08/2018 04:00

Why do you have to see her at all? She's not much of a friend if she makes her inappropriate feelings about your DH so obvious.

tildaMa · 19/08/2018 04:04

A friend (not close, whom I see rarely) definitely fancies my Husband, she doesn't flirt but it's soooo obvious that she fancies him.

Considering she doesn't flirt, how exactly is it soooo obvious that she fancies him?

You do realise women are allowed to be friends with men, even if either of them is married?

clownfaces · 19/08/2018 04:32

Hang on, if she doesn't flirt - how is it obvious that she fancies your DH?
Let's not judge and slaughter a woman who has apparently done fuck all wrong. Get a grip OP

forzaH · 19/08/2018 04:56

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

etc

stevesmithsmum · 19/08/2018 05:13

Good song:)

Katedotness1963 · 19/08/2018 05:32

Way back when we were first married I had a friend who hung on my husbands every word. When he wasn’t around she went on and on about how good looking he was and what a lovely guy he was. I was never sure if she fancied him or just thought he was too good for me.

TheDogAteMyPants · 19/08/2018 06:31

She doesn’t flirt with him, but she clearly fancies him? How do you know this, OP? Without anything concrete to go on, it rather does sound like you are being needlessly paranoid. Presumably, the time you posted, if you’re in the UK, you had those silly can’t sleep, middle of the night fears we all have from time to time (mine are usually child-centric fears). Just because it’s your worry or fear, doesn’t make it true.

PremierNaps · 19/08/2018 06:45

Doesn't flirt but it's soooo obvious she fancies him.

She's younger and prettier than me.

Are you sure you aren't just being paranoid OP. Men and women can be friends without there being more to it. Maybe you are slightly jealous that your friend is younger and prettier and you believe your husband and friend will ride off into the sunset.

flumpybear · 19/08/2018 07:04

How do you know then she fancies him? What's been done

Do you think she'll throw herself at him?

Would he reject her?

KERALA1 · 19/08/2018 07:11

Come on you can tell when someone fancies someone if op has noticed I bet she's right. We were at a party where a single friend of the host so obviously fancied our other friends dh. Giggling, touching, addressing every quest to him. It was mortifying to watch.

One of dhs female friends cornered him at our engagement party and said he should be marrying her not me. Was like something out of a Richard Curtis film!

bevelino · 19/08/2018 07:12

“I don't know why, but it unsettles me - I'm being silly aren't I? Insecure and silly?” Yes.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 19/08/2018 07:15

Why would you see this 'friend', if she so blatantly is making a play for your man?

Thatsfuckingshit · 19/08/2018 07:27

She doesn't flirt but you know she fancies him.

And you still see her?

It actually sounds like you are just insecure just because someone prettier and more attractive than you (in your opinion) is in the presence of your husband.

Is she also single? I find a lot of women assume that single women must be gagging for their husbands. It's odd.

MissusGeneHunt · 19/08/2018 07:31

OP you're probably over thinking this. I know I used to. I would get an inkling in my head that someone would fancy the chap I was with, and the feeling spiralled. It'd take a lot of self talking to put it back into perspective. Any evidence at all? No. Stop getting yourself in a tizz, it'll do you no good. Hope it resolves itself, but honestly, until you know for sure, let it go. If there IS evidence, ask her to stop, as its disrespectful. Doesn't sound like your OH is reciprocating, either.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 19/08/2018 07:32

It’s natural to find other people attractive. Totally normal. Doesn’t mean anything will happen or there’s any deeper connection.

Inforapenny65 · 19/08/2018 07:36

ForzaH, are those lyrics from a song?...🧐
OP, CAn you give some examples of what has happened..?

tildaMa · 19/08/2018 07:42

@Inforapenny65 :)

Missingstreetlife · 19/08/2018 07:50

When, why does she see him? Can't you meet her alone?

MyOtherProfile · 19/08/2018 07:53

Move on and subtly drop her. If you're not close she might not notice not seeing you although she might notice not seeing your dh Grin