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AIBU?

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Original poster

Think friend fancies my Husband

160 replies

Anonymumm · 19/08/2018 03:09

Sorry, just have to get it off my chest.

A friend (not close, whom I see rarely) definitely fancies my Husband, she doesn't flirt but it's soooo obvious that she fancies him.

My DH is really handsome, and I dont think you'd put us together, but we've been together forever, married a long time, and two lovely DC.

This friend is also extremely attractive, a lot younger and a lot prettier than me.

I don't know why, but it unsettles me - I'm being silly aren't I? Insecure and silly? I guess it's because it's so bloody obvious to me (thankfully, DH oblivious and I'm not mentioning it to him or anyone else, just need to vent and get it off my chest)

Anyone else had similar?

OP posts:
Thatsfuckingshit · 19/08/2018 09:09

If it were the OP would surely be concerned her DH fancies this woman not the other way round. In fact she says her DH is 'oblivious'.

Not always. Her insecurity comes from being around someone younger and more attractive. It doesn't need to be that her husband finds the woman more attractive or is going to cheat.

Thatsfuckingshit · 19/08/2018 09:14

katiefromtheblock have you actually read the OP or the thread?

The friend isn't flirting. It's just a feeling the OP has despite no flirting or inappropriate behaviour.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 19/08/2018 09:14

If it really bothers you I would meet up with her without including your husband - shouldn't be difficult if you don't get together often.

However, is it possible she's just being friendly and polite to your husband because he is your husband? I've heard several friends voice similar suspicious over the years, and in my opinion it was very much in their minds (husbands were nice chaps but not the sort to inspire dewy eyed infatuation).

Shambu · 19/08/2018 09:14

Generally when people feel insecure about the attractiveness of a friend, they fear their partner may fancy them. In this case the partner doesn't appear to be aware or have any interest.

There's no reason to think OP is not correct that this woman fancies her OP. It's quite possible, it's fairly common. It doesn't mean anything would happen or that she needs to be concerned though.

Shambu · 19/08/2018 09:17

And it's quite possible she's insecure and right.

Like I said a friend of fancied the DH of a mutual friend, and mutual friend asked me straight out if this friend fancied her DH.

She may have felt insecure about it, but she was also correct.

katiefromtheblock · 19/08/2018 09:21

@Thatsfuckingshit

Yes of COURSE I read the OP Hmm

And the flippin' thread title!

The OP thinks her friend fancies her husband.

Did YOU read it properly?!

I was just giving my own experiences from the past, and saying how unpleasant it can be to experience other women 'fancying' your husband. I didn't say the OP's friend was displaying the behaviour that the women who fancied MY husband did. But yeah the OP does think her friend fancies her husband - the OP said so herself!

katiefromtheblock · 19/08/2018 09:22

I agree @shambu When a woman has a feeling about something like this, she is rarely wrong. The OP's friend definitely fancies her husband. All the signs are there. I would definitely cut this'friend' loose

katielouise3 · 19/08/2018 09:24

I do agree with you though @shambu that the husband isn't interested. Doesn't change the fact that the OP's 'friend' is out of order, and I would definitely bin her.

Thatsfuckingshit · 19/08/2018 09:24

Generally when people feel insecure about the attractiveness of a friend, they fear their partner may fancy them. In this case the partner doesn't appear to be aware or have any interest.

Perhaps because there isn't anything to be aware of.

You can fear your partner may fancy someone, even though your partner isn't interested. Simply because you are insecure. Insecurity doesn't only work in one way.

Thatsfuckingshit · 19/08/2018 09:25

Yes of COURSE I read the OP

If you did you would see the friend isnt flirting. The friend hasn't actually done anything wrong.

kaitlinktm · 19/08/2018 09:26

I always thought me and my husband were on a level but her and her husband have made digs about him being oh so much more attractive than me.

They don't sound much like friends to me. Hmm

Shambu · 19/08/2018 09:27

In this case OP isn't concerned her partner fancies friend...

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 19/08/2018 09:30

thatsfuckingshit , if the OP is feeling insecure, maybe it's because she's picking up undercurrents, not the other way around.

Thatsfuckingshit · 19/08/2018 09:35

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER perhaps.

But it's also possible that she just generally feels insecure and this woman has no interest. Imo, the Ops post shows she is insecure. She describes her husband as handsome and that you wouldn't put them together.

I simply saying, given the information the OP has given, it's entirely possible that the friends doesn't fancy her husband and the OP is just insecure because SHE feels this woman is more attractive.

magoria · 19/08/2018 09:36

If your friend is doing nothing surely this is the sort of friend you want around more?

Someone who likes and respects you enough not to flirt with your very attractive husband.

Why would you dump a friend with decent morals?

Shambu · 19/08/2018 09:39

I think posters are reading their own insecurities into this, thinking what would make them feel insecure.

Like I said even if the OP does feel insecure about it, it doesn't mean she's wrong.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/08/2018 09:41

Annonymum, If your friend isn't flirting then she isn't doing anything to be pulled up for. If your husband isn't either then there's (currently) no issue. She may well like him but as long as she keeps to that and doesn't progress to flirting then all will be well, won't it?

daisychain01's advice is good - meet her somewhere else other than your home.

Don't blow this up in your head to what it isn't. It's really unattractive in any person. Your husband is faithful to you and you are to him. That's all that really matters. I would though try to get to the bottom of why you think the worst of things, that must be an awful place to be and you really have my sympathies there. Flowers

==
Thanks tildaMa, I've been looking for that song for aaaagges. I kept typing 'Jealousy' into the search and that just came up with that 1960s Tango-type song from Billy Fury... Grin

AnyFucker · 19/08/2018 09:42

Did anybody else notice that op posted and ran ?

Lyndaishistory · 19/08/2018 09:46

Find a new friend. It doesn't sound like this will end well.

ShumpaLumpa · 19/08/2018 09:48

AF she posted at 3am so may still be sleeping. But yes, I doubt she'll be back.

RainySeptember · 19/08/2018 09:53

"Doesn't change the fact that the OP's 'friend' is out of order,"

How is she out of order? OP says she doesn't flirt with him and he is oblivious. What is friend doing wrong exactly?

wait68 · 19/08/2018 09:53

Maybe the Dh's dislike is to disguise something else.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2018 09:59

I'm really shocked at the replies here. I expected people to say 'so what?' but they're actually telling OP not to see her friend any more. What an over-reaction? If the H is good looking, there are always going to be women who fancy him. So over the top to stop seeing a friend for something they can't help.

"Why would you see this 'friend', if she so blatantly is making a play for your man?"

What? When did OP say the friend was 'making a play' for her man. She clearly said the friend fancies him, but doesn't even flirt with him.
As for the person who said they shouldn't be friends because the friend is younger and attractive, is that really a good plan for life? Only old and ugly friends???

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2018 10:02

"One friend was easy enough to drop due to a house move..."

Why did you need to drop the friends who fancied your husband Mrs Mozart. Was he about to run off with one of them?

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2018 10:05

"You friend is out of order though, flirting with your husband. BAD girl code!!! hmm I would be ghosting her tbh."

OP said the friend DOESN'T flirt.