Think friend fancies my Husband

[Anonymumm]

Sorry, just have to get it off my chest.

A friend (not close, whom I see rarely) definitely fancies my Husband, she doesn't flirt but it's soooo obvious that she fancies him.

My DH is really handsome, and I dont think you'd put us together, but we've been together forever, married a long time, and two lovely DC.

This friend is also extremely attractive, a lot younger and a lot prettier than me.

I don't know why, but it unsettles me - I'm being silly aren't I? Insecure and silly? I guess it's because it's so bloody obvious to me (thankfully, DH oblivious and I'm not mentioning it to him or anyone else, just need to vent and get it off my chest)

Anyone else had similar?

"Maybe keep your distance from her "

And go through your life avoiding people who are attractive or who might be attracted to her DH? Sounds like a complicated life.

This thread is making me paranoid now 😂. I mean my best friends DP is handsome, I talk to him and laugh with him and go out for coffee with him. I don't fancy him he's just a good friend.

Can't women be friends with men without being accused of flirting 😱

Just keep her away from your DH.

I think if our husbands present themselves as good husbands and fathers a lot of women who don’t necessarily have that will gravitate towards them.

I wouldn’t be allowing those feelings to grow from her end

I think you're just boasting about your DH in truth OP.

And lucky you.

I couldn't give mine away even if I wanted to

Just keep her away from your DH.

Ffs

I'm not sure women and straight men can be just friends.

I have only had a few straight male friends and I have distanced myself from most of them because they would always get a certain look in their eye at some point or make a flirty remark, especially after a few drinks.

I think many women are adept at ignoring flirty looks and remarks and still remain friends, but I have only had a few relationships until i got married and a male friend flirting with me put me off from staying friends with them. I don't think I'm sophisticated enough! I'm much more comfortable with my gay male friends.

We’re friends with another married couple, let’s call them John and Jane. We all got on well I thought. Then one day John turned up terribly upset, distraught, to talk to my hubby, who then tells me to come join them.

Turns out Jane thought I fancied John. Had even threatened divorce etc. It was just so bizarre, totally untrue obviously, John was embarrassed, wanted to tell us because he knew that the accusation was fake but that it might cause a problem etc. (Didn’t cause trouble between me and hubby but wasn’t nice knowing she was making those comments).

John and Jane salvaged their marriage (just) he walks on eggshells, she still has the odd outburst about various females in their lives, whether it’s colleagues, daughters, mums etc. Mutual friends have lost patience/respect for their situation or don’t want to be next in firing line (there’s a couple of us who’ve been accused of coveting her husband).

OP Don’t be Jane. If you’re having a sly brag, good for you and your husband, be happy together without the drama.
If you think something is going on, talk to him calmly and decide what to do together, and if it’s a self esteem/paranoia thing , you CAN get support and help in dealing with those things too.

Good luck OP

Ive seen plenty of women posting pics of their ‘handsome’ husband on FB, and said blokes are absolute mingers.

😂😂😂

It’s difficult to tell if the OP isn’t giving specific examples wether the friend really fancies the husband or if the OP is merely paranoid due to her own insecurities and feeling not good enough for her husband.

Offering a single woman’s perspective...I’ve often encountered the “You are single so ergo you probably/must fancy my husband/boyfriend” perspective. It’s really frustrating. I’ve never ever fancied a married man in my life. I pretty much avoid relationships like the plague. Yet still I’ve encountered the paranoid behaviour from friends or wives of colleagues etc. Just because YOU fancy your man doesn’t mean everyone else does! A single woman isn’t automatically a threat and a potential adulteress and it’s pretty difficult negotiating life as a long term single woman anyway without encountering a load of judgement and assumptions.

If her behaviour is off and disrespectful, by all means challenge it. Otherwise, explore what else might be going on to cause these thoughts. Do you not value yourself? Not trust your husband? Explore that and don’t insult or worse still, cut off and isolate an innocent party because of your own issues.

I was at a wedding when I was 8m pregnant and another guest at our table might as well have sat on my ex’s knee and licked his ear. In fairness to him he never realised when someone was flirting, his cultural upbringing meant he was chatty and open with everyone. Both women and gay men regularly came on to him.

Sorry, just have to get it off my chest.

My DH is really handsome, and I dont think you'd put us together

...extremely attractive, a lot younger and a lot prettier than me.

These are the killer lines OP, you can lose the friend, but it's these feelings on inadequacy that won't disappear. Confidence/self esteem building time?

Hi all,

I didn't mean to posts and run, and thank you for all of your replies.

I don't think I'm being paranoid, and I think you can tell when somebody is attracted to someone, I can't give specific examples, it's on my radar, my intuition, I am not being paranoid.

I am not a jealous person, as some have suggested, I was merely stating a fact when I said that she is younger and prettier, I don't see her often, it tends to be at things hosted by mutual friends. I never insinuated that women and men can't be friends.

Extremely attractive women have been in the presence of DH before, and will be in the future, it doesn't bother me, I guess she's young and doesn't hide the attraction thing very well, I never said she'd done anything wrong, and no, you can't help who you fancy.

She has a partner and kids of her own, I don't think for a second she'd throw herself at him, and I trust DH, I guess I've to take on board working on my self esteem and letting it go.

I did actually say to DH yesterday that I felt a little bit insecure and explained things, he was really lovely about it, though thought I was being really silly, but he reassured me, as have many of your comments, so thank you.

@katiefromtheblock

Thank you for sharing your experiences (I also laughed out loud at your moose comment) and for the pep talk

@gettinglikemymother and @shambuu you've both hit the nail on the head, this is what I have picked up on

@kerala1 yup, you can definitely tell when someone is attracted to someone.

Your Richard Curtis film story made me laugh - trumps my post!

@orchiddingme thanks for sharing your story, you're right, there will always be prettier and thinner women (and thinking about my friend, I'm actually thinner, so I guess there's some yin and yang there - ha, ha!) I hadn't thought about the prospect of having to deal with air hostesses, I smiled when I read your story.

@confusedbeetle, good advice, and I feel much better now that I've done so - thank you

And completely off topic, thank you OP for putting that bastard song in my head.

wanders off humming Air Hostess

@havabiscuit thanks for sharing your story, it was good to get a different perspective, I suppose she could be seeing qualities in my DH that aren't in her partner

@gwenhwyfar I was also quite surprised by the drop friend comments, I know she fancies him, but I don't think she's a horrible person.

I'm genuinely surprised that so many presumably female posters here don't seem to understand the kind of subtle undercurrents that finely tuned antennae can pick up. My dds would both know instantly what I mean.
I thought it was only blokes like my dh - who usually can't 'see' things unless they're almost whacking him over the head - who dont possess such antennae.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER because I don't believe it. I have seen just as many women fuck up relationships, jobs etc acting on gut feelings which have turned out to be spectacularly wrong.

People only talk about the times they were right and generally forget about the many times their gut feelings were off.

hungryhippo90 if you do that in your own marriage then heaven help you because you cannot stop your husband from wandering off if he chooses to do that - no matter how many 'retraints' you impose on him.

If he loves and respects you then that is the restraint, the only one that's needed - and it will come from him, not you.

I can't believe some women are so pointlessly territorial. You can't own another person. Not ever.

And I completely agree with Thatsfuckingshit so often that she's probably finding it a bit tedious!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Feel free to agree with me as much as you want. Gives my ego a boost