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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What's happened to having a bit of pride in yourself?

498 replies

daffodil10 · 18/08/2018 19:11

I am genuinely asking this question out of curiosity not being inflammatory but I will no doubt be accused of this in typical mnet style! Anyway here goes-

I don't understand why some women are so proud of the fact that the first thing they do when they get home is to take their bra off and put pjs on.

A) I don't have time as when I get in from work there's stuff to do.
B) why would you want to sit there with everything dangling about

I think it is much better for your state of mind to have a bit of pride In Yourself, to wear a bit of makeup, clean clothes, brush your hair etc. On another note if your bra is so uncomfortable you're wearing the wrong bra!

OP posts:
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MrsKoala · 20/08/2018 10:34

That's interesting Gwen - i've never met anyone more comfortable with a bra on than off - unless they need the support. I am definitely wearing the right size (many interventions and fittings at R&P later) and wearing nothing is still always going to be more comfortable to me than wearing an elastic round my rib cage and over my shoulders.

As for pride in oneself, i used to have the most beautiful pyjamas bought by an ex. I would rush home to put them on and then swish around the house blissfully, feeling extra joy every time i glimpsed the gorgeous fabric. I think i felt more beautiful in them than any other item of clothing i have worn.

There is a difference between pride in yourself and pride in your appearance. And pride in your appearance is subjective. To some it means more attractive to the opposite sex, to others it can mean fashionable, or clean and neat etc. For me it's about design for the occasion, comfort and materials.

RoseWhiteTips · 20/08/2018 10:40

Clairetree1

I totally agree, make up is an indication of shame, not pride

Huh? This is batshit! I love wearing makeup as do most women.

TittyGolightly · 20/08/2018 10:47

Im a big boobed (D) lady, aged over 50.

D isn’t big boobed. The average cup size now is something like DD, which is haven’t seen since I was a teenager.

I’m working from home today. Not showered, hair scraped back, no make up, still in PJs (and will be all day) and I’ll be about 100 times more productive than when I “make the effort” and go into the office. As a J cup I have a bra on - they get in the way if I don’t.

Days like these are very important for my mental wellbeing.

EmpressOfSpartacus · 20/08/2018 10:56

Huh? This is batshit! I love wearing makeup as do most women.

The truth is that plenty of us don't feel the need / simply can't be arsed. I've been perfectly happy with my un-made-up face for the past 25 or so years. And that's fine, just like you preferring makeup is fine.

Neshoma · 20/08/2018 11:30

People need to remember that their way is not the only right way, and their opinion is just that - their opinion, not a fact, and they need to stop judging people who have different ways of doing things.

Hallelujah!

If you have flawless skin perhaps you don't need make up. If you have acne or rosacea a bit of foundation will make you feel better. If you are flat chested you are more than likely to wear a padded bra, or if big-of-bust you need something to hold you in. All these examples then depend on the weather,- sweating or freezing; where you are going; who you are with blah blah

BIWI · 20/08/2018 12:06

I love wearing makeup as do most women

How do you know that @RoseWhiteTips? Did you do a survey? Just because you think that does not equate to 'most women'. What a stupid thing to say.

Stupomax · 20/08/2018 12:12

Huh? This is batshit! I love wearing makeup as do most women.

I hate the feel of make up on my skin.

GrumpyOldMare · 20/08/2018 12:16

*Huh? This is batshit! I love wearing makeup as do most women.

I hate the feel of make up on my skin*

Snap!

actualpuffins · 20/08/2018 12:20

Having pride in yourself doesn't mean you can't relax at home and be in your scruffs. Plus most of the time on non-working days I am gardening and doing housework so I tend to wear clothing I can move and stretch in, and which I don't mind getting soil over. What should I be wearing for these activities, high heels and a frilly pinafore?

reallyanotherone · 20/08/2018 12:39

Huh? This is batshit! I love wearing makeup as do most women

Do you have a link to your source? Personally i don’t love wearing make up but I wouldn’t be so bold as to project my feelings on to every woman on the planet.

Also, why is it only women love make up? Do you really believe women have an innate love they are born with, that men don’t? And if they do, does that make me and the other women above abnormal? Men? Less than women?

I read an article in a magazine recently about “women falling out of love with high heels”. I just thought were they ever “in love” with them, or have they just realised that being uncomfortable and causing physical damage and pain to their feet because of societal expectations of beauty is just ridiculous?

bananafish81 · 20/08/2018 12:40

D isn’t big boobed. The average cup size now is something like DD, which is haven’t seen since I was a teenager.

I have small boobs and wear a D cup

I can wear a 34A or a 32B or a 30C or a 28D - these are all sister sizes. Exactly the same volume of boobage. So D cup is meaningless. These are all D cup bras - vastly different sized boobs

What's happened to having a bit of pride in yourself?
bananafish81 · 20/08/2018 12:45

Makeup isn't always something frivolous

https://fransorin.com/one-small-act-kindness-saved-lives-impact-giving-lipsticks-women-brink-death/

When British troops liberated Bergen-Belsen concentration camp on April 15, 1945, they encountered 40,000 prisoners in 200 huts. They also discovered 10,000 bodies. The vast majority had died from typhus or starvation. The German guards, fearing infection, had refused to bury them, and the remaining skeletal prisoners lacked the strength to do so, so the bodies had been dumped in piles around the camp and left to rot.

The British soldiers were shocked beyond belief. They began to retch when they reached the wire, overcome by the stench of death. These hardened troops, who had fought the Nazis all cross Europe, cried like babies. But they went to work, bulldozing the corpses into a mass grace. Somewhere among them was young Anne Frank, who had recorded in her Amsterdam diary as early as 1942 that Jews were being abducted and gassed.

By April 28 everyone had been buried. Although 500 inmates continued to die every day, at least there were no more corpses lying about, which resulted in a boost in morale. Food was available, and nearly all the inmates had been deloused with DDT powder, their clothes fumigated, their bodies scrubber clean. Infected huts were being incinerated with flamethrowers.

Nicholas Best (who provided the above description) in his book, Five Days That Shook The World, described what happened next.

“Some genius had introduced lipstick to the camp. A large consignment had just arrived, enough for every woman at Belsen to paint her lips if she wished. Huge numbers did so, happily recalling that they had once been feminine and might be so again one day. Lipstick had turned out to be an enormous morale booster, making all the difference between life and death for some of the women in the camp.”

British Lieutenant Colonel Mervin W. Gonin, commander of the 11th Light Field Ambulance, R.A.M.C. was among the first British soldiers to liberate Bergen-Belsen in 1945. In his diary, he gave a more graphic description of the effect of the lipstick:

“It was shortly after the British Red Cross arrived, though it may have no connection, that a very large quantity of lipstick arrived. This was not at all what we men wanted, we were screaming for hundreds and thousands of other things and I don’t know who asked for lipstick. I wish so much that I could discover who did it, it was the action of genius, sheer unadulterated brilliance. I believe nothing did more for these internees than the lipstick. Women lay in bed with no sheets and no nightie but with scarlet red lips, you saw them wandering around about with nothing but a blanket over their shoulders, but with scarlet red lips. I saw a woman dead on the post mortem table and clutched in her hand was a piece of lipstick. At last someone had done something to make them individuals again, they were someone, no longer merely the number tatooed on their arm. At last they could taken an interest in their appearance. That lipstick started to give them back their humanity.”

Ignoramusgiganticus · 20/08/2018 12:47

I'm with you op.

I'm not actually that vain. I don't wear make up other than a bit of eyeliner and mascara. I wear comfy jeans rather than fashion clothes. I'm not what you would call stylish BUT i think it's really slobby to put on pj's as soon as you get in.

i like a lie in but I get dressed as soon as i'm up. Teenage Dd drives me mad not getting dressed till mid afternoon.

I have STANDARDS Smile

SoyDora · 20/08/2018 12:48

I'm not what you would call stylish BUT i think it's really slobby to put on pj's as soon as you get in

Whereas I think I am fairly stylish, but often put my (stylish) pyjamas/loungewear on when I get home. So which is better/worse? All evens out I guess.

thecatsthecats · 20/08/2018 12:52

When I get home I change from my work clothes into a MORE uncomfortable dominatrix bra and studded underwear with a full 70s porn bouffant and any woman who doesn't is frankly letting the side down.

LunaLovegoodsRadishes · 20/08/2018 12:53

I rarely wear make-up. I thinks it's an enormous faff.

If I know there are no visitors coming I wear pjs. All the family do.

giveitfive · 20/08/2018 12:55

I take pride in what I do and achieve, and whether I can live up to my personal values.

I don't especially take pride in the perkiness of my tits when I get in after a long day at work....

Not really sure who I would be doing it for if I kept the bra on and fluffed my hair up before cooking dinner, loading the dishwasher, washing maxhine, bleaching the bogs, nodding off on the sofa cuddled up to husband who will also be strutting around in some tatty tracky bottoms after an equally mental day...

If it makes you happy.... go for it.

IceCreamFace · 20/08/2018 12:56

@Ignoramusgiganticus

But it sounds like you're "standards" are pointless and to be frank a bit stupid. I don't actually wear PJ's except in bed but why would it be bad if someone else did so? It's just weird. If people want to be proud of having standards it should be about something that actually matters (Being nice to people, helping out their friends etc) not what they choose to wear in the privacy of their own home. If you want to wear your normal clothes and make up when you're at home do so. If you want to wear PJ's or a tracksuit or a giant pingu outfit do so but don't pretend that your choice is somehow superior or a mark of higher standards than anyone else's.

ladymariner · 20/08/2018 13:09

banana I didn't know that, I'm now in tears. Amazing, heartwarming and utterly heartbreaking all at the same time.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/08/2018 13:56

”I like a lie in but I get dressed as soon as i'm up. Teenage Dd drives me mad not getting dressed till mid afternoon.

I have STANDARDS”

Can you not see how unpleasantly judgemental that sounds, @Ignoramusgiganticus? As if you are looking down on all the scummy, braless, pj-clad slatterns, so you can feel superior to them.

Again - why does it matter what other people choose to wear, in the privacy of their own homes?

LeftRightCentre · 20/08/2018 14:34

you do feel 10000 x better when you are a bit more made up

Nope, I feel better after I've exercised. It's the ultimate mood booster. I haven't worn make up in years and don't own any. Never cared for it.

MinesaBottle · 20/08/2018 14:48

I don't wear a bra (I have tiny boobs). Some of my lounging-about clothes are more expensive than my work ones because I work bloody hard and like to enjoy my downtime. Also I'm not going to sit around in my work clothes all evening, and don't want anything splattering on them while cooking, because I have sufficient pride in myself.

I don't wear make up though so presumably all my views are invalid.

reallyanotherone · 20/08/2018 15:53

you do feel 10000 x better when you are a bit more made up

Nope. I feel 10000x better when i am comfortable, make up free, in bare feet. And, tbh, at home away from public spaces and social situations where I would be judged for not “making an effort” with my appearance. But I wouldn’t dream of projecting those feelings and saying you feel better doing the same...

EmpressOfSpartacus · 20/08/2018 16:06

Nope, I feel better after I've exercised. It's the ultimate mood booster. I haven't worn make up in years and don't own any. Never cared for it.

This. I feel brilliant after a good run. Equally so when I've just done something well at work or I'm out having fun with friends.

Maybe on all those occasions I'd feel 10000 x better with makeup on but I don't see how it would help.

Strugglingtodomybest · 20/08/2018 16:19

you do feel 10000 x better when you are a bit more made up

Well you obviously do so could you explain why you feel better? I'd genuinely like to know as a non make up wearing person. Maybe I've been missing out all these years?

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