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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scalded for drinking alcohol by a stranger

809 replies

Boilin · 18/08/2018 17:45

Went to Wetherspoons (I'm still there) with DP. I'm 28 weeks pregnant at the moment and had half a pint of cider with my meal. The woman who served it to me had no issue with it whatsoever, but the man stood next to me (not sure if he was slightly drunk) felt it appropriate to tell my DP that 'that won't be good for her or the baby' (hello I'm stood right here Hmm). DP told him, 'it's fine' and told me to ignore him and the bloke then continued to discuss under his breath with his partner/friend my choice to have a drink.

AIBU to think he had no right? To think that it's fine that I had half a pint once in a blue moon? To feel pissed off with the constant judgement of my ever move since I've been pregnant?

Ugh. I've just had enough of today! Sorry for moaning...

OP posts:
HollyGoLoudly1 · 21/08/2018 14:06

The level of judgement, condescension and superiority on this thread has been eye-opening. The fact that the 'opinions' (for the sake of being diplomatic) are based on flawed logic, incorrect interpretation of data and an inability to differentiate between a public health policy and actual scientific fact makes the whole thing even more ridiculous.

The sideline argument of 'anyone who drinks during pregnancy must have an alcohol problem' is a joke. Send me off to Camembert Anonymous if that's honestly what you think.

I can only wish I was as perfect as all these posters who I'm sure followed every guideline to a t and never once had the audacity to use their own initiative/knowledge/research/advice from experienced mum's or medical professionals. I'm sure you're all much better mums-to-be/mum's than myself and other posters, as even though I am an actual scientist I clearly don't know how to correctly assess the available data. I'm so glad the judgemental posters have been able to educate me Confused

apriljune12 · 21/08/2018 14:09

No they are clones and probably follow every piece of bat shit advice from baby wearing to attatchment parenting.

And then post when the child is 7 that they still all co sleep and the kid refused to settle in a bed by themselves unless sung to sleep by angels.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 21/08/2018 14:15

Wish I could be sung to sleep by angels after getting far too wound up by this thread (hormones!). I think I'll have to put up with my OHs snoring instead 😂

BakedBeans47 · 21/08/2018 14:16

Here’s a thought...why not have a non alcoholic drink? Is having any alcohol really such a priority full stop far less when you are pregnant?

Here’s a thought...why not trust pregnant women to make their own decisions?

apriljune12 · 21/08/2018 14:17

Holly

Have a Wine Grin

HollyGoLoudly1 · 21/08/2018 14:22

@apriljune12 same to you! Wine

actualpuffins · 21/08/2018 14:28

Would you have a cigarette? I presume not. So why drink?!

Because she wants to, end of.

Honestly, if you can have one alcoholic drink a week and no more, that is pretty conclusive proof that you do not have an alcohol problem.

Why take the risk? Because it's life? Life is full of risks and is a constant weighing up of danger v enjoyment or other benefits. I had a lot more risk of being run over on my way to work in busy London traffic than damaging my DDs consuming one drink a week. And other much bigger risk was the stress caused by my job. And people asking me "Oooh, can you eat that?" every time I had sushi or cheese or something.

We don't ever need to eat chocolate or cheese in order to live either but human beings do things because of pleasure, not just because they are good for us. We don't become a perfect robot overnight just because we are pregnant.

I had two problem free pregnancies and six hour labours without intervention, my DDs are bright, happy and doing well at school with no health problems at all. If I were ever to have more children I wouldn't do anything differently.

WeightorWhite · 21/08/2018 15:35

Here’s a thought...why not have a non alcoholic drink? Is having any alcohol really such a priority full stop far less when you are pregnant?

Here's a thought....why not deal with your issues with alcohol and stop pushing your ridiculous thoughts on to others? You know by saying things like they are are probably sloshed!

Not sure where your issues stem from but keep them to yourself.

RoadToRivendell · 21/08/2018 16:14

Would you have a cigarette? I presume not. So why drink?!

Is there a study confirming that a small amount of smoking is OK?

SavanahXx · 21/08/2018 17:24

@PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks your comment really confused me Grin what do you mean??

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 21/08/2018 22:32

Come over here, if you want someone who gets you.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3325295-respo-62-the-thread-where-respodad-finally-gets-his-comeuppance?msgid=80404638#80404638

We're all really friendly, and mostly just chat, but we offer support too. 😀

One person on there was 19 when she had her daughter. The daughter's an adult now.

SavanahXx · 21/08/2018 23:20

I'll definitely take you up on that offer @PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks thank you SmileFlowers

dontbesillyhenry · 22/08/2018 09:50

Perfectly I know who you mean. And her own daughter has now started making silly life choices as well.

Mumtobeluc · 22/08/2018 10:02

Because you shouldn't drink alcohol when pregnant. Doesn't mean he should have spoke to you like that but that's why he did.

New guide lines also now say no alcohol when pregnant where it used to be like a couple of units a week. I just had a baby and was told this by my midwife because my pregnancy orange book they gave me stated otherwise but apparently that's out dated information now.

I personally wouldn't drink when pregnant it's just selfish really but each to their own.

dontbesillyhenry · 22/08/2018 10:06

Having kids full stop is selfish. They didn't ask to be born. Then being a working parent is also selfish according to many missing out on their firsts etc. However this won't harm a baby nor will the odd alcoholic drink here or there

Mangoo · 22/08/2018 10:34

@Mumtobeluc if you had RTFT you would note that people have said multiple times guidelines & scientific research results are completely different things.

Just because the guideline is to not drink at all doesn't mean that have one drink will harm your baby. There is no scientific research to suggest that at all.

The guideline to not drink at all is because some people can't be trusted to differentiate between one half pint of cider and a bottle of vodka. Something which is clear from reading the replies on this thread.

Half a pint of cider will not harm your child for godsake.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 22/08/2018 10:55

dontbesilly her daughter's at uni and working as a lifeguard. Confused

runningkeenster · 22/08/2018 11:03

Here’s a thought...why not have a non alcoholic drink? Is having any alcohol really such a priority full stop far less when you are pregnant

Well you could say that about everyone. Why bother drinking alcohol at all when you don't need to? I'm not sure being pregnant is relevant.

skunkatanka · 24/08/2018 15:51

Well you could say that about everyone. Why bother drinking alcohol at all when you don't need to? I'm not sure being pregnant is relevant

This thread is just ridiculous now, so desperate are some to convince others themselves that drinking is absolutely fine, they post such nonsense. Of course being pregnant makes a difference!!! Or it bloody should anyway!

mathanxiety · 24/08/2018 19:32

www.bbc.com/news/health-45283401
No alcohol safe to drink, global study confirms

Prof Saxena said: "Most of us in the UK drink well in excess of safe limits, and as this study shows there is no safe limit. The recommendations need to come down further and the government needs to rethink its policy. If you are going to drink, educate yourself about the risks, and take an informed risk."

I suspect if it's actually far less safe for grown adults than so many here believe, it's far less safe for a fetus too.

LyndorCake · 24/08/2018 19:52

I wondered when that would pop up

Lazypoolday · 24/08/2018 19:57

here is a rebuttal of that study.

mathanxiety · 26/08/2018 06:33

Maybe you didn't look at the stats on drinking in the UK? Most UK drinkers drink well in excess of safe limits even as they are currently understood. Certainly the author of your link seems to have ignored that.

Here's a zinger from the link you provided, Lazypoolday:
Presumably people who choose to drink alcohol moderately get some pleasure from it, and any risk needs to be traded off against this enjoyment.

Presumably pregnant women who smoke get some pleasure out of it...

Presumably people who use heroin get some pleasure out of it...

Presumably people who do 65 mph in a 50 mph zone get some pleasure out of it ... can you see where I am going with this?

Essentially your link is a case of someone sticking his fingers in his ears and singing 'lalalalalala'. It's not actually a rebuttal.

nolongersurprised · 26/08/2018 07:10

It’s not that women can’t be trusted, it’s that there are increasing studies (animal and fish obviously, given that cells are sampled and examined histologically) demonstrating that fetal exposure to alcohol causes cellular damage. It’s a teratogen.

There are too many variables between women to say confidently that ALL women could have a drink at any stage and ALL would be ok. Stuff like weight, food consumption, inherent ability to metabolise alcohol. The placenta doesn’t filter alcohol molecules, if a pregnant woman feels a bit tipsy after a glass then her fetus is getting exposed to the same amount, but for longer as the alcohol hangs around in the amniotic fluid.

When you look at the lower level issues with alcohol exposure - ADHD-like issues, executive functioning problems - it’s probably not going to be possible to prove (or disprove) that alcohol exposure caused any issues but there’s increasing awareness that previous ADHD diagnoses were actually attributable to alcohol exposure.

Each to their own, though.

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