Scalded for drinking alcohol by a stranger

[Boilin]

Went to Wetherspoons (I'm still there) with DP. I'm 28 weeks pregnant at the moment and had half a pint of cider with my meal. The woman who served it to me had no issue with it whatsoever, but the man stood next to me (not sure if he was slightly drunk) felt it appropriate to tell my DP that 'that won't be good for her or the baby' (hello I'm stood right here ). DP told him, 'it's fine' and told me to ignore him and the bloke then continued to discuss under his breath with his partner/friend my choice to have a drink.

AIBU to think he had no right? To think that it's fine that I had half a pint once in a blue moon? To feel pissed off with the constant judgement of my ever move since I've been pregnant?

Ugh. I've just had enough of today! Sorry for moaning...

Flatpackjackie Because the research says so. There has been lots of research into this.

I don't find it funny. It's not a bit of frivolity, it's potentially damaging to a defenceless person.

I absolutely understand that some people have addiction problems and I really feel for them during pregnancy. It must be a horrible struggle. However, people who have a few every now and then with a meal (it's still alcohol, meal or not!) I can't understand. I can only imagine that they have a problem that isn't diagnosed.

It doesn't take a lot of alcohol for a child to be born with a multitude of problems, including FAS. Why wreck someone else's life?

I used to respond to judgemental comments from strangers with "ohh haha I'm not pregnant, just fat!!!" Whilst laughing maniacally, nobody ever had a comeback. No point engaging in conversation as people like that won't be told.

FFS. He was a twat. Every pregnant woman I know has drunk small amounts of alcohol including me. I do not believe a LOT of people would judge you, more like a very small minority of busy bodies.

The "research" says that all alcohol should be avoided while pregnant.

As I said before, I wouldn't speak to anyone publicly about it, but I would judge harshly. From experience, I think that most people (male and female) would too.

Op it was entirely about him and him being a twat, you were incidental and could have been anyone. The fact that he spoke to your dp and not you tells you everything you need to know about the sexist nob. Don't give him a second's more headspace.

I'd say anyone drinking while pregnant is recklessly placing their own needs above those of their unborn baby.

I say that because I had a stillborn baby and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It god damn nearly killed me and I hadn't taken as much as a paracetamol. I couldn't have lived with it knowing I'd had a drink or taken something that was known to be a risk, sorry .

You shouldn’t drink in pregnancy, not even a little.

Ugh not his place.

I got looks drinking tonic water with a slice when pregnant. I craved tonic water would guzzle pints of the stuff.

Just looks though no one said anything.

It doesn't take a lot of alcohol for a child to be born with a multitude of problems, including FAS. Why wreck someone else's life?

Why on every pregnancy drinking thread does someone come up with this? It’s complete bullshit. FAS occurs rarely in SOME women who drink heavily in pregnancy, not all. It’s not known why. Of course the ‘safest’ option is no alcohol but there are no know risks associated with very light drinking.

The "research" says that all alcohol should be avoided while pregnant.

Luckily the research doesn't say that at all.

Just to clarify for people who don't understand statistics... a small correlation has been found between good outcomes and a small amount of alcohol intake. Correlation is not causation. Larger amounts of alcohol in pregnancy ARE harmful and can be very harmful.

@Flatpackjackie do you mean the 'lack of' research? I'm fairly sure there is 0 research out there that finds that a unit of alcohol can cause FAS.

flatpack You do not get FAS from the occasional half a cider. The OP does not have an undiagnosed problem. Stop being ridiculous.

Stupid judgemental prick !!
I had 2 small glasses of wine a week after the first trimester with both my pregnancies. The midwife said it was fine x

FlapJack the "research" says that because it gets the blanket point across as there's always those out there that take "one or two units once or twice a week" as one or two bottles of vodka because what's a unit anyway?

If they give the blanket rule of no alcohol then it's simple. No alcohol. Therefore no room for error.

But people with a bit more savvy know that, and know that half a cider with a meal occasionally is fine.

Can I add that the person who advised me of this was actually my father. He's a GP of 30 years and cares for me and his grand child far more than any doctor out there!

Gosh, all this over half a pint of cider.

It doesn't take a lot of alcohol for a child to be born with a multitude of problems, including FAS

Well ‘a lot’ is subjective considering the advised units of alcohol for adults is an arbitrary figure anyway which is why the advice is currently no alcohol at all during pregnancy. Not because the odd glass here and there will result in FAS.

Fish consumption is advised to be limited during pregnancy in very much the same way but you don’t see people snatching tuna sandwiches out of pregnant women’s hands or stroking their own superiority over a niscose salad..... mercury has pretty nasty side effects too but strangely that one doesn’t seem to be on the course content for the general publics university of life medical degrees.

It isn't just about half a pint of cider, it's about this stupid idea that "occasional" alcohol whilst eating is risk-free when it absolutely isn't.

Would you have a cigarette? I presume not. So why drink?!

This happened to a friend of mine last eeek. She was drinking alcohol free cider and a couple tore into her shouting and screaming. It’s disgusting the way people think pregnant women are public property

Most of the damage alcohol causes in pregnancy is in the early stages of development. Something to do with cells overheating . In the later stages the liver and placenta do their job.
Obviously regular alcohol consumption isn't great for mothers or their babies but certainly half a cider will do bugger all.
Conversely smoking is the other way round. Most damaging in the later stages of pregnacy, zip in the beginning.

TomHardysNextWife

I am so sorry that happened to you. But you can't go round telling pregnant women how they must behave on the basis that it did. There is no evidence that low alcohol consumption during pregnancy harms babies.

@Flatpackjackie cigarettes and alcohol are entirely different things. Telling me not to drink because I wouldn't smoke is stupid. It means nothing.

Would you have a cigarette? I presume not. So why drink

Different drugs. I’d pop a couple of paracetamol whilst pregnant but not ibuprofen.

Strange universe isn’t it with all these different chemicals?

@Flatpackjackie it was explained to me by my HCPs friends, some whom are consultants, that because some people - and there are/have been posters on MN who fit this description - don't understand that "occasional" doesn't mean 3 pints of strong cider or a bottle of wine every weekend, it is simpler to tell women to drink no alcohol.

I drank one or two units once or twice a week when I was pregnant. That was the advice in the noughties and the babies turned out fine. I also ate soft boiled eggs and had my steak medium!

You've done nothing wrong OP.