Scalded for drinking alcohol by a stranger

[Boilin]

Went to Wetherspoons (I'm still there) with DP. I'm 28 weeks pregnant at the moment and had half a pint of cider with my meal. The woman who served it to me had no issue with it whatsoever, but the man stood next to me (not sure if he was slightly drunk) felt it appropriate to tell my DP that 'that won't be good for her or the baby' (hello I'm stood right here ). DP told him, 'it's fine' and told me to ignore him and the bloke then continued to discuss under his breath with his partner/friend my choice to have a drink.

AIBU to think he had no right? To think that it's fine that I had half a pint once in a blue moon? To feel pissed off with the constant judgement of my ever move since I've been pregnant?

Ugh. I've just had enough of today! Sorry for moaning...

This thread has really made me think. I was of the school of thought that I could drink occasionally and there's a big difference between one drink and a bottle of vodka every weekend etc. Now I realise that in drinking a small 330 ml can of lager on Friday, Saturday and Sunday this weekend means I've actually drunk 6 units - well over the recommended 1-2 per week. And it doesn't feel like a lot. I certainly didn't feel drunk.
So I can see why the official guidelines are none at all.
I still don't think half a cider will harm a baby. But it's easy to get carried away. Obviously wrong to comment on someone else's choice though.

I also think people who should know better are being pretty mean to Savannah. For someone who's had all those problems, she sounds like she's doing OK. To compare a 19 year old who's been loved and supported and advised throughout life to one who has had to look after themselves and their siblings from a young age, and missed out on good role models, not seen the value of education or the potential of a rewarding job, is completely unfair.

oldsockester

No that’s not really how it went. The poster was rude and offensive to other posters initially and deserved the responses she got.

However as her age and history were made known posters were offering her advice including the advice to wind your neck in just as i world advise my own 19 year old dd if she acted like this.

The poster acknowledges her initial posts were s bit silly and she was grateful for the advice and support she later had as posters were worried about her.

I hope she stays to get further support as I posted.

This is aibu and it’s robust at times as well as supporting when needed and she needed both

Nutkins - no need to put words in my mouth... (though as oldsockeater recounts, it actually is easy to lose track).

Why would anyone take any risk?

What is so important about that glass of cider?

@mathanxiety Why would anyone take any risk? - because as has been pointed out in many, many posts by now, plenty of people do not agree with you that half a pint of cider as a risk.

What's so important about cider? You could say that about plenty of other pregnancy guidelines that aren't followed to the T. The guidelines say I should sleep on my left, but sometimes I sleep on my right. I should eat 5+ portions of fruit+veg, but sometimes I get a takeaway. I should exercise 5+ times a week, but sometimes I watch Netflix all evening. I shouldn't have cheese with a rind but I devoured a slice of Camembert last week. None of these are 'important' to me, but I doubt anyone would imply I have a 'problem' with cheese in the same way you are implying that anyone who drinks has a problem with alcohol

No doubt people will now say what a terrible mother-to-be I am for applying my own common sense + knowledge to the guidelines. I'm off to see if I can find a 'Cheese and Netflix Anonymous' support group before I cause any more harm to my baby 😂

I wouldn't say it to anyone's face because it's your body and your baby.

But I think it's wrong to drink at all when pregnant. No one, not even your dad who is a GP, knows how little alcohol will affect a baby during pregnancy. There isn't enough research on it and there isn't likely to be for obvious reasons. Half a cider could do one of these options: nothing, small negative effects to the baby, many negative effects to the baby, FAS, stillborn or miscarriage. It's a roll of the dice in my eyes. You can't guarantee which option you're going to get, no one can. Not even a doctor. In my view, a cider isn't worth it.

All I can say is to anyone who asks is it OK to drink when pregnant is to be prepared to deal with any of those consequences.

@mathanxiety it’s really simple, I love the taste of a nice dry wine and I haven’t found any soft versions that compare. I don’t want to drink water or tonic for 9months, especially if I’m having a nice meal. And there isn’t a need to do so. I hate most soft drinks which I find disgustingly sweet. I’m quite capable of having a 125ml glass now and then without racking up the units without realising.

Half a cider could do one of these options: nothing, small negative effects to the baby, many negative effects to the baby, FAS, stillborn or miscarriage. It's a roll of the dice in my eyes

No FAS really isn’t a roll of the dice or anything much to do with having one half a pint of cider. That’s nonsense sorry. I don’t know enough about mc / stillbirth to comment on those, but I would think it’s extremely unlikely they would be caused by half a pint of cider in the third trimester.

@Santaclarita there is zero, ZERO, chance that half a pint of cider will cause FAS, stillborn or miscarriage. Zero. Alcohol has been around for thousands of years, pregnanct women have been drinking during that time and it's not that long ago that the guidelines were changed (and not in response to any new evidence btw but in response to UK alcohol culture). We would know if small amounts of alcohol caused these things, because thousands upon thousands of women have done it. Please see previous posts about not being able to prove a negative.

I agree that we don't know what the 'safe' limit is,
and that the guidelines are right to recommend avoiding it but we DO know that low level occasional drinking doesn't cause the things you have listed. If you think I am wrong, please correct me by linking a peer reviewed sceintific research paper which shows the link between 1 unit of alcohol and FAS/stillborn/miscarriage as you have stated + I will happily apologise.

Are you confusing FASD and FAS santaclara?

www.askaboutalcohol.ie/health/alcohol-and-pregnancy/fetal-alcohol-spectrum-disorder/

@WeightorWhite I think you'll find that if you read the comments from last night, I apologised, but you don't seem to deserve an apology when you're still being super judgy, ive already stated I don't claim benefits and never will. also ive already stated that I'm looking into moving area? not that its any of your business thou. please read comments before trying to make me out to be something I am not.

thank you @nAnnalogy.

Prove to me with more than one scientific paper that it won't have any negative effects on any woman ever.

The one that said the study suggests the low level alcohol is OK even said themselves that that research isn't a green light go ahead and drink. They still said take precaution on this. A woman who is more at risk of miscarriage would put herself at more risk by drinking, as an example. Doesn't mean it will happen but you are increasing the risks. That's the problem with drinking while pregnant, nothing may happen but you increase the chances by doing it.

Dont even need the child to have fas either, could just have slower development than normal. Not a huge problem though just puts them behind other kids.

Prove to me with more than one scientific paper that it won't have any negative effects on any woman ever

There is no such paper. It is impossible to prove a negative and anyway, carrying out research on pregnant women and unborn babies would be unethical.

I don’t think anyone would / should argue with you that the only 100% safe level of alcohol to consume (in life as well as in pregnancy) is zero. That is the only fact we have and that is why women (and men) are told to have zero alcohol at all times - no booze ever. It’s the only safe amount to consume. It’s obviously more important in pregnancy because the baby is developing and also can’t consent, but then they also can’t consent to a rare steak etc. And it’s not that they are drinking the same level of alcohol the mother consumes. It’s not a black and white issue basically.

But, half a pint of cider will not give a baby FAS. That, even I know .

You. Can't. Prove. A. Negative. What you can do however is test the theory to failure, which is what effectively happened over hundreds of years of thousands of pregnant women being told it was ok to drink in small amounts and doing so.

Pretty much everything anyone does carries some risk. If pregnant women avoided anything risky to the baby we would never leave the house or eat anything other than organic steamed vegetables (after washing them in bleach first obviously). Guidelines (and that is all they are - guidelines) need to be applied with a bit of common sense. I will point out yet again that I myself do not drink (so please do not claim that I am 'in denial' or other such nonsense I have had thrown at me) and that even the NHS 'guidelines' say if you choose to drink, 1-2 units, 1-2 times a week is fine. If you choose not to, like me, that is also fine.

Wouldnt it be great if pregnant women got some support from society instead scrutiny and judgement from complete strangers in a pub?

@SavanahXx, sorry don't have time to read all 700 odd posts. Working kinda gets in the way.

@WeightorWhite well maybe you should before trying to humiliate me, by making out I'm some dole dossing young mum who's made a 'life choice' to live off peoples tax's. couldn't be any further away from the truth.

Are there really no other “young people” around?

what do you mean @RoseWhiteTips ?

@SavanahXx stop exaggerating! I never said that at all, never used the word dole, never do actually .... it's called job seekers allowance. I never said you were any of those things, you've said that. I said I hope you're not claiming benefits, which I still stand by. By your own admission any jobs you've had you didn't like so left. Therefore if you were claiming benefits it wouldn't be because you can't get a job.

@SavanahXx I'm no longer going to respond to you, you've got too much tome on your hands and you're becoming overly invested in this.

Dole? Who uses such a word in the 21st century. Makes me think of the 1930s.

Exactly @RoseWhiteTips !

You take risks in pregnancy just by getting out of bed every day.
I drank small amounts of wine throughout mine.
I rode a bike in heavy traffic until late in pregnancy.
I drove cars throughout pregnancy.
I rode horses whilst pregnant.

The bike riding, horse riding and car driving carry risks regardless of being pregnant (far more than the odd glass of wine) but any sensible person risk assesses the situation and decides what level of risk they personally are comfortable with.

And anyone judging that should really mind their own business.

Sure I could have been mown down by a No. 10 bus whilst cycling to work heavily pregnant. Sure I could have fallen under the hooves of my horse. Sure I could have been involved in any number of head on collisions whilst driving quite safely at 30mph. I could also have been hit by a drunk driver whilst walking along the pavement.

You cannot eliminate risk. Even deciding to take to your bed for the 9 months of your pregnancy is probably just as risky as getting out of bed and continuing to live your life.

Of all the risks I took during pregnancy the one I felt was least risky was the couple of glasses of wine now and again. My choice.

@WeightorWhite well if you would of read the comments, there would of been no need for your comment at all in the first place? or your little digs about how other people work, its extremely childish and not needed and good for you, don't respond, I couldn't really care less, but please keep your bitchy digs to yourself