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AIBU?

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Original poster

Badly behaved children of friends

172 replies

Passy123 · 17/08/2018 22:45

Hi all!

This is my first time posting! I have a 2 year old son who is brilliant some of the time, like dealing with a drunk sailor sometimes and down right horrendous occasionally! So I’m not saying he’s perfect and I’m the perfect parent BUT.....
We had a friend of a friend come over the other day and her daughter is 6, the mum came with a packed lunch which I weren’t expecting, I’d bought lunch for us and the kids, that’s fine obviously but she gave said 6 year old a pack of a chicken and mayo sandwich which was messy and then a pack of wotsits, all of which she didn’t ask her to sit at the table where I’d hinted that, that’s where we eat at our house, then she ran around the house spreading the dreaded wotsit hand prints everywhere!!!! Our staircase wall looked like she’d touched every single surface she could! Because I’m not “friendly” enough with the mum I felt awkward in assisting but had given the girl a baby wipe and hinted! My other half is a clean freak so I spent an hour cleaning the wall the best I could but he noticed straight away! And now says she’s banned from the house, we are having a dinner at ours in a couple of weeks with this child, her mum and dad, plus another couple but my partner wants to cancel it because he hates the fact that we keep the house clean and we had to clean all the sofa cushions, it was a nightmare tbh! Please tell me if I’m mad, or if we are right to feel tense to have her over again???

Fully expecting horrible comments btw

OP posts:
Fatted · 17/08/2018 22:48

Honestly, if you didn't speak up about the behaviour at the time, then I don't really think you can blame the child. Yes, children should be well behaved, respect other people's things etc. But knowing that your DH is that particular and a clean freak, you should have raised it at the time with their mum and directly to the child.

halcyondays · 17/08/2018 22:52

6 year old don't get hints. Maybe you could have just asked her to go and wash her hands?

upsideup · 17/08/2018 22:54

Shes not exactly badly behaved because of that though, her mum should have told her to sit at the table and wash her hands but didnt, you also could have asked that instead of hinted.
Banning her is completely over the top and unnecessary, just talk to her mum.

LeighaJ · 17/08/2018 22:55

Sounds like a badly mannered parent more than a badly behaved child.

runningscare · 17/08/2018 22:56

Yuck that's not okay ...

Celestia26 · 17/08/2018 22:57

An over reaction in my opinion, you have plenty of this to come with your 2 year old. Houses cannot be kept immaculate when you have children!

MrsWhirly · 17/08/2018 23:00

What I do is pretend I am speaking to the child, but I am really speaking to parent. So in a really clear, loud and a bit sing-songy: “We only eat lunch at the table in our house, otherwise we make everything dirty - don’t we kids?”

GreenTulips · 17/08/2018 23:00

Wow how sad it that!

I feel for your child

3girlmama · 17/08/2018 23:00

I would be twitching at the thought of her coming back! Our house is lovely and tidy and clean and our children (8&10) know how to respect it and things in it. They wouldn't dream info putting hands covered in food on walls! Or not sitting at the table to eat!

gamerchick · 17/08/2018 23:03

I'm torn, If you knew what the aftermath would be then why on earth didn't you do more than hint?

And

I hope you didn't feel fear or get mega amounts of earache from your partner over this? That isn't good.

Fattymcfaterson · 17/08/2018 23:04

A bag of wot sits had you cleaning all the sofa cushions?.... I think there are deeper rooted problems here

TheLionRoars1110 · 17/08/2018 23:09

I think you're overreacting.
If you're that particular you have to speak up as it happens. Yabu and your partner is being very silly

RB68 · 17/08/2018 23:14

Just ask if she can leave the wotsits at home this time or provide some sort of sitting to the table chair that you strap her in - not a high chair but a higher chair for older children - cant recall what they are really named I call them triptrap chairs.

GreenTulips · 17/08/2018 23:17

You'd strap a 6 year old to a chair - really?

JacNaylor · 17/08/2018 23:19

It was a bit weird and bad mannered to give the child food and let her run all over the house with it, but I think your reaction to it is a bit extreme. She's not badly behaved they just have different standards. If she comes over again don't hint, just be clear in a friendly way about what you want her to do.

Smellbellina · 17/08/2018 23:20

I’m going to have to say it i’m afraid, your DP sounds like a real chore! Do you think you might feel better at being direct with other people if you weren’t having to deal with him?
Unless he has OCD obviously.
Umm, I think it’s one of those things where you need to say at the time, I say it to the room generally ‘right, all meals are at the table in our house so sit up guys, lunch time!’
If the child ignores you and the mum doesn’t correct her then I probably wouldn’t invite them back. Unless the mum was exceptionally good company.

Mumshotel · 17/08/2018 23:20

The mum should have controlled her kid. Your parter is over reacting.

pictish · 17/08/2018 23:20

Your dh sounds incredibly uptight. No one really wants wotsit hands on their stuff but that’s a complete overreaction. She’s banned from the house? He’s being a dick.

pictish · 17/08/2018 23:22

“or provide some sort of sitting to the table chair that you strap her in“

Meanwhile, back in the real world of actual stuff, people behaved in the normal way and didn’t strap six year olds to chairs.

BarbarianMum · 17/08/2018 23:23

Are you some sort of surrendered wife that you can't tell a 6 year old to sit down to eat in your own home and let your oh determine your social life?

NonaGrey · 17/08/2018 23:26

It’s your house. The Mum was rude but it’s your responsibility to say:

“X please come and sit at the table”

“Please don’t touch the furniture with dirty hands”

It’s your house, just get a wipe and cheerfully clean her hands.

It’s fine to assert your house rules.

Pancakeflipper · 17/08/2018 23:30

Was this a massive bag of wotzits? I am bemused that such 'damage' was caused throughout the house with a small bag.

Annoying but I worry for your children if they have to live with a clean freak. My mother is a clean freak and I still tense up with fear at instances in my childhood when my siblings and I accidentally created a mess (thanks to our dad for rescuing situation before mother found out). And now we all prefer to meet my mum anywhere but her house in case one of her grandchildren drop a crumb or something.Not healthy for clean extreme.

thejeangenie36 · 17/08/2018 23:30

Your DH is being unreasonable and unrealistic. Just wait until your son gets older and has his own friends: he won't have any if mess results in banishment.

Lindy2 · 17/08/2018 23:32

How about saying "Come and sit down for your lunch as I don't want crumbs around the house". Polite and clear and a perfectly reasonable request.
I think you may need to readjust your expectations regarding having an immaculate house though as your own child gets older. I don't know of many children who manage to live completely mess free all the time no matter how much you'd like them to be.

MilkybarGrownup · 17/08/2018 23:39

You should have said something. Not hinting, just tell her straight, "Okay, let's go sit at the table. We don't eat around the house"
Then the mother should have moved her. It's not that the 6yo is bad but she's being raised with shitty manners.

My in laws always like to tell me a story of a visiting friend who came with her DS. She gave him a packet of crisps on the floor. Actually tipped out on to the floor. By her. Straight onto the in laws nice clean carpet!

I don't allow eating around my home either but had to contend with a friend who sat smiling as her DS walked around eating a grated cheese sandwich, walking it into every bit of carpet! He stopped when I sat him down at the table. His mum took a while to cotton on though. It's surprising how some people let their kids wreck a place!

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