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AIBU?

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Original poster

Badly behaved children of friends

172 replies

Passy123 · 17/08/2018 22:45

Hi all!

This is my first time posting! I have a 2 year old son who is brilliant some of the time, like dealing with a drunk sailor sometimes and down right horrendous occasionally! So I’m not saying he’s perfect and I’m the perfect parent BUT.....
We had a friend of a friend come over the other day and her daughter is 6, the mum came with a packed lunch which I weren’t expecting, I’d bought lunch for us and the kids, that’s fine obviously but she gave said 6 year old a pack of a chicken and mayo sandwich which was messy and then a pack of wotsits, all of which she didn’t ask her to sit at the table where I’d hinted that, that’s where we eat at our house, then she ran around the house spreading the dreaded wotsit hand prints everywhere!!!! Our staircase wall looked like she’d touched every single surface she could! Because I’m not “friendly” enough with the mum I felt awkward in assisting but had given the girl a baby wipe and hinted! My other half is a clean freak so I spent an hour cleaning the wall the best I could but he noticed straight away! And now says she’s banned from the house, we are having a dinner at ours in a couple of weeks with this child, her mum and dad, plus another couple but my partner wants to cancel it because he hates the fact that we keep the house clean and we had to clean all the sofa cushions, it was a nightmare tbh! Please tell me if I’m mad, or if we are right to feel tense to have her over again???

Fully expecting horrible comments btw

OP posts:
Thesearepearls · 18/08/2018 00:38

Next time confiscate the wotsits and give them to me.

Allthewaves · 18/08/2018 06:42

Omg just open your mouth and tell her to at the table because you don't want mess everywhere. And u should have told her to wash her hands

givemesteel · 18/08/2018 07:16

Chalk it up to experience OP, I am only just getting to grips with the realities of playdates and so now just create a small zone where they're allowed to be so the whole house isn't affected.

Tell your partner to get a grip. You'll have worse from both your own kid and their friends in years to come.

Please don't allow your kid to grow up in an environment where he's not allowed to create any mess. My parent where the sort where a single biscuit had to be consumed on a plate at the table and no matter how tidy I trued to keep my room it was never good enough. It's very inhibiting and a backlash waiting to happen.

Iamoutragedetc · 18/08/2018 07:18

You should have spoken firmly to the mother - hints weren't being taken. You should have said her DD was making a mess and needed to sit at the table or have the food removed. Actually, I would have told the child to behave and sit at the table. Why are people too afraid to speak to other children in their homes?

Salazaar · 18/08/2018 07:35

I feel like I'm missing/imagining something, but if you read the post properly she mentions her DH is controlling:
..mum I felt awkward in assisting but had given the girl a baby wipe and hinted! My other half is a clean freak so I spent an hour cleaning the wall the best I could but he noticed straight away! And now says she’s banned from the house, we are having a dinner at ours in a couple of weeks with this child, her mum and dad, plus another couple but my partner wants to cancel it because he hates the fact that we keep the house clean and we had to clean all the sofa cushions, it was a nightmare tbh!
Controlling
Manilulative
Entitled

OP spent an hour cleaning a stain so as DH didn't notice??

Blanca87 · 18/08/2018 07:41

You're DH sounds like a controlling twat.

Alicatz66 · 18/08/2018 07:46

Yuk.. that's bloody horrible.. my kids are grown up but when they were little I would always make sure they didn't behave like this .. I've had a toddler smearing greasy crisps all over my window !! ... I just cheerfully say "come on, when we've finished eating we go and wash our hands " and take her to the sink !! .. wish I had a clean freak husband ! I hate cleaning!

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 18/08/2018 07:48

Yanbu a 6 yo child should be made to sit down and eat at a table properly what is wrong with parents who don’t want to teach their children life skills and manners

butlerswharf · 18/08/2018 07:49

So it wasn't actually a badly behaved child them. It's a badly behaved mother!

Weepingangels · 18/08/2018 07:53

Hints don't work. Sadly they don't. The mum was a bit rude not cleaning after her child or stopping her but just bear in mind no hinting next time and hopefully all will be well.

Your dp needs to seek some help with his onsessional cleanliness. You shouldnt feel so worried about him seeing some mess and have to spend an hour cleaning the wall or in years to come you will be an anxious mess after years of running after your little one.

Weepingangels · 18/08/2018 07:54

Obsessional rather.

Oysterbabe · 18/08/2018 07:55

You need to unclench. Yes the child should have been told to sit down by her mother or failing that you, but it's really not the end of the world. I feel for your daughter being raised in such a sterile environment. My husband's mum was similar and I watch slightly bemused when he's running around in a panic recleaning our already clean house before she visits.

sexnotgender · 18/08/2018 08:03

I had children staying recently who I told to sit at the table. I didn't hint or pussyfoot around I just said in this house we eat at the table.

Otherwise there would have been food everywhere, I got up the first morning and found 1/2 a slice of bread at my front door. I live in an old house and am wary of attracting mice.

My general rule is leave it to the parents however if I can see them smile indulgently as their little cherub roams around causing destruction then I will step in, be it with food or sticking their dirty hands all over my brand new tv.

SoyDora · 18/08/2018 08:05

I tell visiting children where to eat at our house.
Vinyl regardless of what is acceptable in your home, it’s polite to stop your children smearing food around other people’s homes, no?
Your husband sounds like a controlling arse.

Quartz2208 · 18/08/2018 08:08

Right a simple getting them to sit down and washing hands after would have got the job done

But having got two wotsit loving children I really fail to see how much mess it could be tbh that caused such a reaction

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/08/2018 08:08

The mother was rude. You’re having them round for dinner. That means you know them well enough to speak to their child - and I’d argue you would if you have them round. As others have said, you can talk to the child and ask them to sit down or take them to wash their hands. I know it’s more difficult with the lazy parent there. But it’s your home.

PorkFlute · 18/08/2018 08:14

You’re in for a shock if that’s what you consider badly behaved. If you wanted her to eat at the table/wash her hands then you need to tell her that. I personally wouldn’t insist on it for a packet sandwich and some crisps but would have no issue if someone else did in their home.
Your partner sounds like the problem here. You scrubbed Wotsit crumbs off the wall for an hour and he still noticed and has banned the child???? Does he always perform an army style inspection of the house on his return home? He needs to lighten up a bit or your 2 year old is going to grow up very anxious about making any kind of mess.

Wormzy · 18/08/2018 08:14

Wow, I am shocked by the responses you've had, OP. YANBU at all.

At 6, children should know that eating happens at the table; it's just manners. They should at least attempt to be careful with other people's stuff - not perfect, by any means, but the attempt should be made.

But then we've had similar happen to us with a visiting family, where the parents just sat and smiled at their two proceeded to attempt to climb all over our furniture with food and smeared bits everywhere. WE were the ones chasing them with baby wipes and insisting food stayed at the table. Funnily enough one of them is a MNetter...

Lethaldrizzle · 18/08/2018 08:17

I ate a bag of wotsits on the sofa last night

EvaHarknessRose · 18/08/2018 08:18

Try to make your own judgement about things, not base it on dh’s presumed reaction (says me who made the dc change the channel the other day because I knew dh would not like the show...) and if he can’t deal with his own feelings without having a go at you, that’s not ok.

Yanbu about the other parent.

Slartybartfast · 18/08/2018 08:21

it is polite to eat at the table
children need to be taught manners. your house is not a zoo.

agree with others, just tell the 6 year old.

cloudyweewee · 18/08/2018 08:21

You do a lot of hinting. A 6b year old child needs to be told straight.

Kardashianlove · 18/08/2018 08:25

You need to say to the 6 year old ‘come and sit down at the table with your lunch please’.
If she tries to walk off with the crisps while eating ‘we keep all our food at the table in this house, i’ll keep them here are you can come back for them when you’re ready. Let’s give your hands a little wipe before you play. Good girl, thank you’.

hiddeneverything · 18/08/2018 08:28

I'm still waiting to hear the badly behaved part

Wormzy · 18/08/2018 08:29

But why is the blame laid at the OP's door and not at the parents'? Why do parents not just insist on basic manners in other people's houses?
Hmm