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AIBU?

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Original poster

Badly behaved children of friends

172 replies

Passy123 · 17/08/2018 22:45

Hi all!

This is my first time posting! I have a 2 year old son who is brilliant some of the time, like dealing with a drunk sailor sometimes and down right horrendous occasionally! So I’m not saying he’s perfect and I’m the perfect parent BUT.....
We had a friend of a friend come over the other day and her daughter is 6, the mum came with a packed lunch which I weren’t expecting, I’d bought lunch for us and the kids, that’s fine obviously but she gave said 6 year old a pack of a chicken and mayo sandwich which was messy and then a pack of wotsits, all of which she didn’t ask her to sit at the table where I’d hinted that, that’s where we eat at our house, then she ran around the house spreading the dreaded wotsit hand prints everywhere!!!! Our staircase wall looked like she’d touched every single surface she could! Because I’m not “friendly” enough with the mum I felt awkward in assisting but had given the girl a baby wipe and hinted! My other half is a clean freak so I spent an hour cleaning the wall the best I could but he noticed straight away! And now says she’s banned from the house, we are having a dinner at ours in a couple of weeks with this child, her mum and dad, plus another couple but my partner wants to cancel it because he hates the fact that we keep the house clean and we had to clean all the sofa cushions, it was a nightmare tbh! Please tell me if I’m mad, or if we are right to feel tense to have her over again???

Fully expecting horrible comments btw

OP posts:
MumsTheWordYouKnow · 19/08/2018 21:52

Badly behaved parent - not the child’s fault. Your child is only 2, you’ll see.

Believeitornot · 19/08/2018 21:55

Sounds like you have a partner issue.... he’s a clean freak with a toddler....

starlight13 · 19/08/2018 23:04

It's not the child but the parent who should be educating her DD about acceptable eating habits and I understand that you would feel apprehensive asking her to clean up her daughter when she should know to do this anyway.
It's your husband who has a problem though - his attitude to what is important in his life is going to rub off on your 2 year old who will, I imagine be wrapped in cotton wool and spend most of his life as an anxious mess. Nip it in the bud before your DS gets any older and copies your DH.

rainbowstardrops · 20/08/2018 07:33

I bloody love Wotsits. Wish I had some in the cupboard.

Frazzledstar1 · 20/08/2018 08:11

That’s really bad form of the mum, especially if you’re not close. I always make sure my kids stick to other people’s house rules, and would be especially vigilant if I weren’t that close to them.

I can understand why you didn’t say anything as I am the same when it comes to that sort of thing, even though really it would have been best to say at the time.

This is also why we rarely have wotsits at home 😂

margesimpson40 · 20/08/2018 08:25

The mum should have said something to her child. But I feel a bit sorry for ur kid a control freak for a dad and a mouse for a mother ... Children are lovely but untidy and messy get a grip.

apriljune12 · 20/08/2018 08:32

I get that the mum should have stopped her child but my main concern was you cleaning the wall for an hour because your dh would go mad.

He sounds like he has a real problem here op. Your child will make a mess, have friends over who make a mess, sleepovers and do sports in muddy conditions.

Your dh is banning children from your house??? For messy eating??

It’s not normal op

BraayTigger · 20/08/2018 08:35

I do as @MrsWhirly does and it usually prompts the parent to sort their kid out. I keep prompting until child is kept in check. If parent doesn't react then I just tell child firmly they need to behave/eat at table/clean their hands etc (as appropriate).

However, I also have a (military) complete neat freak of a husband. We have spent a considerable sum on the house over the last year and he refuses to host multiple families with kids and will only invite over those without kids or those with one or two children. It means our close friends with 3 children are not invited (& indeed one of our really good friends have not seen any of our new house due to the fact they have 3 and are extremely laid back parents (& their house is a constant mess)). So I completely understand OP.

Best thing to do is suggest meeting up out somewhere, then you don't need to deal with the leftover mess.

I would love to have a more open house policy but if I'm honest I already spend an hour or so just keeping the house at a reasonable level of tidiness and hate then having to spend another hour cleaning up after other peoples' children.

apriljune12 · 20/08/2018 08:46

You may really struggle with teenage kids then. Your ‘little sit at the table darlings’ will change to hulking lads who eat constantly and have dirty plates and mugs everywhere and dds that spill makeup on the carpet, dye their hair in the bathroom and the horror of the fake tan!!! Grin

Seriously chill

icanbewhatiwant · 20/08/2018 08:56

I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t want a child eating food all round my house. We have a large kitchen with a table but next door is another large “family room” with a sofa. I’m happy for children to eat in either place. But we have a no good rule for the living room. I would have just taken the food away from this other child and made her wash her hands.
By the way I definitely don’t have an immaculate house. But I wouldn’t want food everywhere.

icanbewhatiwant · 20/08/2018 08:58

That should say no food rule.

MissEliza · 20/08/2018 09:05

I am definitely not a neat freak but I would not be happy with kids running around with food like that. A six year old is more than capable of sitting at a table to eat a meal.

MissEliza · 20/08/2018 09:05

I am definitely not a neat freak but I would not be happy with kids running around with food like that. A six year old is more than capable of sitting at a table to eat a meal.

margesimpson40 · 20/08/2018 09:08

This thread is nuts ... Preferring a clean house to having friends over, not all military husbands are neat freaks btw ... That's a lazy untidy stereotype let's not blame the husbands obbsessiveness on his career eh

Sunnysidegold · 20/08/2018 09:14

The mum was a bit of an inconsiderate person to not tell her child to eat in the kitchen. The child was not unreasonable as no one told her outright to sit down or wash hands. It's your house and you need to stand up for your own standards. You don't drop hints, you say to the kid as she is running off with her sandwich "oh wait maisie, let's get you a plate and you can have your lunch at the table here." Or as she runs off with her wotsits, "we eat our snacks in the kitchen, would you like a drink?". As she runs off with orange hands you go and say to come with you to the sink to wash her hands.

That story about Christmas day makes me want to cry!!!

JuJu2017 · 20/08/2018 10:04

You need to be clear and say what you mean. Hints don’t work and some people genuinely don’t see things like this as a problem. I have a light grey carpet and people always look a bit surprised when I ask them to take my shoes off. To me or someone has a light carpet you take your shoes off straight away but I’ve seen that this isn’t how most people think. Also your husband can’t ban your from seeing friends.

MilkybarGrownup · 20/08/2018 10:38

The clean freak DH and being afraid of his reaction is one thing but I do think people are missing something here. The stains on the wall were a little more than mess. Messy eating can be cleaned up. Sticky fingers on a tv, toys or tables is annoying and again, can be cleaned up. The walls however weren't dirtied. They were ruined. It wouldn't come off. If I had permanent filthy stains put on my walls I'd actually be pissed off too. I have to live with bright orange smears on my walls or redecorate. Neither option is easy to just shrug off.
The real U one here as I said before is the OP for not speaking up. A cheery, "Right you, let's get those mucky hands washed eh?" Would have prevented all this nonsense. The DH isn't completely in the wrong for being mad he now has to redecorate and the kid certainly isn't wrong as she wasn't told. Kids are crap at taking hints.

icepop9000 · 20/08/2018 13:11

I don't understand why you didn't say something after the first mark on the wall!!
I think you are over the top about eating a sandwich and crisps at the table. We eat formaleals there but not snacks stuff. I also think it's wrong to assume everyone has a dining table.
We only got one in this house as no room for one in previous. You don't have to live in a 'shit hole' wit children but they need some room to make mess, essential for learning.

Jeepy · 20/08/2018 14:08

Eat outside! It's warm enough and hopefully you'll be lucky with the weather .

midgesforever · 20/08/2018 16:10

It is perfectly reasonable to enforce your house rules about eating at the table and washing hands if mucky.
Your DH sounds unpleasant, but maybe to try and look for the positive, he is frustrated by your inability to speak up for yourself? Having play dates is a normal part of growing up, you need to learn to speak up and he needs to understand that his wishes don’t override everyone else’s.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 20/08/2018 16:22

It's always so annoying when the OP doesn't come back

Snooks1971 · 20/08/2018 20:46

OP - why haven't you come back?

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