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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a girl to leave our netball team?

236 replies

Missjb87 · 16/08/2018 21:38

I've been playing netball in an organised league for 1.5 seasons. I initially joined alongside a group of strangers and we've stayed on as a team and paid for a 2nd season.

We're all of a similar level aside from 1 girl who really struggles to catch and hasn't improved since we started. She's ruining the enjoyment of the game for everyone but recognise she's paid up to the end of this season so persevere with her.

Would it be unreasonable to start a new team without her in it next season/ask her to leave? And if so, how should we go about it? Football

OP posts:
CornishYarg · 17/08/2018 13:28

Sadly, catering for as many people as possible was the death knell for my old club but I know that's probably unusual. We also have a limited number of courts so having too many members would actually be an issue too, bizarrely! Too many players means people having to sit off a lot which puts them off.

Interestingly, we have considered allowing beginners to join then grouping people by ability at training. So the better players are in a group and just play each other, and the same for weaker players. But it was really unpopular with members as they felt it would require someone to be really mean when deciding the groups ("no, you're not good enough for the top group") and very harsh on the players who are decent but not quite good enough for the top group as they would always be playing with the beginners. It's so tricky to get club membership policy right and keep everyone happy.

JynxaSmoochum · 17/08/2018 13:47

I was shit at throwing and catching in my first PE lesson at secondary school and therefore I was still shit by the time I left because I was constantly the last to be picked, got the flattest ball, left to practice against the other poor players, substitute if possible or if not, some other undesirable position (usually wing defence or goal keeper where interaction could be avoided as much as possible). Being made to feel shit about my starting point and minimal opportunity to practice and develop ensured that I stayed shit.

I don't have any talent for ball sports, but after school days, messing around with sports with friends mean that free from the constant rejection and reinforcement of my shitness, I have actually got a bit better. Not good, nowhere near, but I can sometimes actually get something in the right direction or catch it which is a massive improvement. I can comprehend the concept that sport can actually be fun, not institutionalised favouritism. In adulthood I've fallen in love with sports like swimming and running that I just couldn't learn to do at school.

Being a poor at sports inevitibly involves regular public humiliation and it takes a lot of courage for someone to decide to take up a team sport in adulthood, particularly for women where there is less of a team sports culture.

If you know you are signing up to a competitive sports team where positions are based on performance then fair enough, you know the score and the risks of being dropped. To specifically target one person on a casual team is unfair and potentially very hurtful, particularly when this player has a reasonable expectation of continuing through a season. We don't know how supportive or otherwise the team has been at developing this player or whether she's just been expected to pick it up by osmosis, a strategy that doesn't work for some people.

Sadly I associate the word "netball" with words like rejection, exclusion, clique and bitch, and what's worse, I'm clearly not the only person with this experience. It wouldn't take much change of heart to get rid of this stigma. I've seen back to basic netball sessions at leisure centres and the risk of encountering this kind of attitude again is very off-putting.

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 17/08/2018 14:15

You don't sound like much of a team to me...

ferrier · 17/08/2018 15:31

I regularly have to tell people they are not good enough to play for my club or they are not good enough for the first team or whatever. If done sensitively with other options given then there is no problem at all. Most people who play team sports totally accept this and those who don't are just stunningly un-self-aware people usually.
I'll guess that most of those saying the op is unreasonable haven't experienced competing in a league or cup competition with one player who is the weak link.

wanderings · 17/08/2018 15:44

Why are people still responding when the op has clearly registered to post this and then left?!
Because this is an interesting debate, one which doesn't come up on MN so often, I haven't seen this particular one on MN before.

My answer? LTB. No wait, that's the answer to most other threads

ferrier · 17/08/2018 15:45

I also agree with pp - at one club I was a member of some while ago, entry standards were relaxed somewhat, training sessions ended up being of lower quality and of necessity focussed on those whose skills needed more work, the better players left and now the club has folded. You can't please everyone.

happypoobum · 17/08/2018 15:54

I did some research for Sport England into why young women don't engage in regular sport beyond 16.

Partly it was because of nasty bitchy behaviour like that displayed by the OP.

I played hockey to very high level but took a long break. It took me ages to get back into my stride (in a mixed team, not in UK) missing the ball etc, but my team mates were so supportive and lovely about it. And I was training with the National Team. So no, you don't have to be an arsehole to participate in high level team sports.

Nettletheelf · 17/08/2018 16:05

Who says that you have to be an arsehole to participate in high level sports?

Who knows whether the OP is an arsehole, or bitchy, or nasty, or any of the other insults levelled at her? We simply can’t tell. She wouldn’t be on here asking for input if she was so cruel as to enjoy kicking out teammates, would she? She’d just do it then emit an evil chuckle before sacrificing and eating an orphaned donkey (probably).

Would the national hockey team have practised with somebody who could barely hold a stick and couldn’t hit a ball? That’s a better comparison to the situation the OP and her team are in. Hapypoobum got to play with them because she had been a top player (for which kudos, incidentally: I might disagree with her, but what an achievement) and remained good enough to join their games.

Alicatz66 · 17/08/2018 16:11

I hated netball at school .. I was rubbish and the netball girls were really bitchy ... they dumped all us non net ballers in the bottom PE group and the teachers ignored us !!! Took me until my 40s to enjoy fitness and now I run and go to gym classes and all sorts !! ... I used to feel sick before PE lessons !

GoblinSharts · 17/08/2018 16:12

She will leave eventually. Unless she is stupid she will know she can’t play and is probably already thinking that she will just play out the season then stop. I’m sure sure you and your team members will have given off pissed off vibes, even if you tried not to.

mariniere · 17/08/2018 16:29

It's not tryouts for a national team nettletheelf. It's a social league. The difference should be obvious!
As others have said. Not being picked is different to being asked never to come back!

Nettletheelf · 17/08/2018 16:40

The point, marinere, is that Happypoobum would not have been miles below the standard of the national hockey team she practised with, whereas the OP’s team mate is significantly below the standard of the rest of that particular netball team.

SaucyJack · 17/08/2018 17:44

Funnily enough, I think the responses to the OP are also part of the reason why women don’t bother with team sports past the age of having to at school.

Look at all the horrible names she’s been called, and all the horrible accusations that have been made about her character simply because she wants to have a competitive game of netball with other women who can actually play.

Fuck that.

TornFromTheInside · 17/08/2018 17:59

Competitive sport is fine
As long as people live and die by that, and she's prepared to give up her place for a better player too.
If they can't do that, then it's not a competition, it's a clique

CornishYarg · 17/08/2018 18:27

As long as people live and die by that, and she's prepared to give up her place for a better player too.

That's exactly how our club works - if someone better than me joins, they rightly take my position on the team and I move down/out the team, depending on my current position. Hopefully OP's team is the same.

Witchend · 17/08/2018 18:27

True, but if you turn away any potential new members because they are not good enough, you are never going to expand your club. It's the difference between one person going off and saying to their mates 'Come and play netball, it's really fun and everyone is really welcoming' or 'Don't join that club, they are a bunch of unwelcoming snobs'.

But equally well I've known clubs in a couple of sports where they had the policy that everyone had equal time, and what actually happened was that the better players got tired of always playing at a lower level and left. In one place this ended up with the club being wound up because none of the beginner players was prepared to make a commitment to captain or organise anything, and the committed players felt that if they were giving their time and effort to organise things they wanted to be playing at the right level.

The best people to play with to improve are those who are a little better than you. If you're always playing with weaker players, then it's hard to improve, even at something individual like running as you don't have the competition to push yourself towards.

Nettletheelf · 17/08/2018 18:27

Did she ever say that she wouldn’t give up her spot to a better player? Projecting again!

Same goes for the people who have suggested that the weakest player should be weeded out every season, because that would serve the OP right, and they really hope that she gets kicked out next season, etc etc. Like that would happen in a sports team, amateur or professional.

Nettletheelf · 17/08/2018 18:30

Just to be clear: in a sports team where no new, better players were regularly joining.

TornFromTheInside · 17/08/2018 19:02

Never said she said it... I said if you're going to eject the weakest link, then you should carry that philosophy through...

Show me where I've said otherwise?

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/08/2018 19:12

SaucyJack

Do you think that the OP's team is naturally this good or are they this good because someone gave them a chance and taught/trained them.

The OP's attitude is a slap in the face to those that gave up their time when she and her team were rubbish.

Funnily enough, I think the responses to the OP are also part of the reason why women don’t bother with team sports past the age of having to at school.

You have that arse about face.

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/08/2018 19:14

I am wondering if the OP's team will extend this attitude to those that will suffer injuries.

JacquesHammer · 17/08/2018 19:21

There’s a difference between trainable and non-trainable.

Some people just don’t have the skills and it’s perfectly acceptable for a team to acknowledge that.

I’m currently long-term injured. I don’t actually know whether I will play again. I’m highly skilled at my sport, I expect to have to work back to my place, not have it as a given. That’s sport.

RoseWhiteTips · 17/08/2018 19:29

Netball was a nightmare at school.

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/08/2018 19:34

JacquesHammer

The OP hasn't said that the person doesn't work, or that she isn't committed just that she is rubbish.

How long do you think that the OP's team would give you to get back to competitive fitness? Or do you think that they would just right you off?
How would that make you feel?

And I speak as someone who injured themselves playing for a team and was then "let go"

JacquesHammer · 17/08/2018 19:59

The OP hasn't said that the person doesn't work, or that she isn't committed just that she is rubbish

But people shouldn’t feel bad for not wanting to play against people that are “rubbish”. It’s completely pointless IF you’re wanting to play to be competitive.

How long do you think that the OP's team would give you to get back to competitive fitness? Or do you think that they would just right you off?
How would that make you feel?

It was a serious injury. They’re completely correct to not give any consideration to me. I’m gutted I can’t play, I’m not in the slightest upset with the team who have replaced me. They should!

I wouldn’t even consider returning to training until such time as I wasn’t in any way a liability. That might never happen.