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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a girl to leave our netball team?

236 replies

Missjb87 · 16/08/2018 21:38

I've been playing netball in an organised league for 1.5 seasons. I initially joined alongside a group of strangers and we've stayed on as a team and paid for a 2nd season.

We're all of a similar level aside from 1 girl who really struggles to catch and hasn't improved since we started. She's ruining the enjoyment of the game for everyone but recognise she's paid up to the end of this season so persevere with her.

Would it be unreasonable to start a new team without her in it next season/ask her to leave? And if so, how should we go about it? Football

OP posts:
notdaddycool · 17/08/2018 08:03

Used to be an expat, I’m shit at football, like awful. Football was a big part of the social scene, so when we did 5 a side on a weekday evening and nobody really counted the score I was in, when they played matches at the weekend I never played, except once when they went on tour and they didn’t want to not include me, I was subbed off first😉 I knew I was shit, I enjoyed the exercise and hanging round with guys who weren’t even really my mates but gave me a weekly dose of English humour, I was pleased i was accommodated in some way without ruining it for everyone. There was a middle ground, I’d have loved to do Saturdays, different team wasn’t really an option, there wasn’t really one. A long way to say I appreciated inclusion but was never going to kick up a fuss about not playing in ‘big’ matches. She probably knows her limits, she probably appreciates inclusion, be kind, if she’s as bad as you say she won’t expect to play every minute up front, but unless you are the England coach be kind and accommodating and if she doesn’t get enough time she may move on. If you tell her to move on she’s more likely to give up.

desertmum · 17/08/2018 08:07

THe Hunger Games of Netball - that made me laugh a lot.

YABU - what if you are next weakest link? You'll be gone by this time next year Sad

DidimusStench · 17/08/2018 08:12

You’re the kind of girl OP, that made me loathe sport and crushed my confidence at school. I didn’t realise until quite recently that sport is meant to be fun, confidence building and supportive. I hope she finds another team that gives that to her

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 17/08/2018 08:22

Nice. Very nice OP. We’re you always picked first for the team, at school? Spare a thought for those just wanting to try their best and BE in the team.

PitchBlackNight · 17/08/2018 08:23

Torn
If she's 'ruining' the enjoyment of your game. It's not the game you're enjoying, it's the winning

That's silly and shows a really lack of understanding as to why people enjoy sports. Wanting to play competitively does not mean that you only enjoy it when you win. What most people like is a good game. Playing something where you are guaranteed to win or to loose is often boring.

HuckfromScandal · 17/08/2018 08:24

And you are the reason that I won’t join a netball team, even although I loved it in my youth!

WhipItGood · 17/08/2018 08:27

I can just imagine how the conversation would go. Like Muriel’s friends in Muriel’s Wedding telling her not to hang around them cos she’s not cool enough.

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 17/08/2018 08:30

Good point Desert.

I think it is EXACTLY like school yard bitching. Working out how to get rid of the weakest member. OP, could YOU be the one to actually say to her “we don’t want you in our team anymore. You spoil it for us because your not good enough”??

I know I couldn’t. Takes a special kind of person to do such a thing, I think.

NataliaOsipova · 17/08/2018 08:30

It always makes me laugh when the UK Sport people sit scratching their navels wondering why more people don't take part in sports! This sort of attitude starts in school with PE teachers and runs on.

KidLorneRoll · 17/08/2018 08:36

Don't be a dick.

Why not start up a second team, so that you can encourage people to get involved at a slightly lower level?

OrdinarySnowflake · 17/08/2018 08:37

Natalia - I was thinking the opposite - the determination to include everyone, even if they are a bit shit, is the reason we don't do so well at sport internationally - we aren't good at encouraging people to excel. Sport is for fun and exercise, wanting to win and compete is seen as tacky and uncouth.

Op - are you at risk of other team mates leaving to join other teams? Do you have enough interest to run 2 teams?

DidimusStench · 17/08/2018 08:37

It always makes me laugh when the UK Sport people sit scratching their navels wondering why more people don't take part in sports! This sort of attitude starts in school with PE teachers and runs on.

🙌

FermatsTheorem · 17/08/2018 08:44

There's nothing wrong with wanting to play just for fun.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to play competitively.

Both can coexist within a sport - just that individual teams should make it clear to potential members what sort of team they are.

flippyfloppyflower · 17/08/2018 08:46

I wouldn't ask her to leave - just imagine the bitchy conversations you will miss out on and you can always blame her for loosing all your matches and being a crap team.

OR
Given that you are not making your living at this this and do it for fun just let her play and have some fun OR is your ego so big you think you are the bees knees and above being a decent human being.

Only you know.

RazzleDazzle3 · 17/08/2018 08:46

I joined “back to netball” with a friend, we were constantly made to feel not good enough, wasn’t even playing in a league it was only training.

Other ladies used to pretend they couldn’t remember which team the coach put them in for fun matches so they didn’t end up with us!!

Loved the sport, not the ladies, so left.

Now started football, similar level, just for fun and it’s a real mix of abilities and so inclusive. Loving it.

JacNaylor · 17/08/2018 08:52

I was thinking the opposite - the determination to include everyone, even if they are a bit shit, is the reason we don't do so well at sport internationally - we aren't good at encouraging people to excel. Sport is for fun and exercise, wanting to win and compete is seen as tacky and uncouth.

But we do encourage people to excel, being inclusive at one level and encouraging people to excel at another level can co exist. Our Olympic teams aren't comprised of Sandra and Jill who thought it'd be fun to give the long jump a try, are they??

thecatsthecats · 17/08/2018 08:55

Natalia

I agree. Lots of people projecting here. My own projection comes from being one of the average level players on our school netball team and having matches ruined by giving bad members of the team their 'fair' amount of playing time.

Now we almost always lost. Bottom of the league, usually thrashed 18-1 by the top. Then the one match we're 3-0 against the top team in a tournament? Teacher swaps in the shit players, takes me off, and we end up 6-3 down.

No, I don't care about winning, or even being the best. The best matches we played were with the team just above us, because neither side dominated play, and the game could actually flow, and BOTH sides had the chance to get better through practice. Against a top team, our GA/GS barely saw any action.

Would I be able to kick someone off the team? Probably not. But I'd sure as hell be frustrated, and I'd look for an opportunity to join another team where we were all more on a level.

(Oh, and I think this whole 'the point of a team is to support all the members of a team' thing doesn't really square with my experiences and is bollocks. All the well functioning teams I know work because everyone is contributing something - yes, this makes up for other's weaknesses, but the focus isn't on making up for other's lacks, it's putting something valuable in yourself.)

Goosegettingfat · 17/08/2018 08:57

Could you have some focused training sessions on catching? Presumably you're not all so good that you don't have any room for improvement? Then google and practice lots of exercises on catching together.

I really think that the nature of social sports teams means that you need to see this as the team has a deficiency in catching, rather than kicking out the weakest person.

Don't kick her out. That's the sort of pain that people carry the memory of their whole life.

AgainPlease · 17/08/2018 08:57

I don't understand those saying it mean and cruel?
I'm with you OP, would be really annoyed with the rubbish player and kindly direct her to a new team better suited to her level.

MrGHardy · 17/08/2018 09:01

You lot are the reasons "everyone gets a medal" mentality exists. And even if it's 100% 'for fun', no, it's not fun if someone is of completely different ability. Not for either party. And the other thing, so much bitching about netball supposedly being bitchy. Rather ironic.

C0untDucku1a · 17/08/2018 09:01

The team need to address their training programme if people have one known area they are not imporoving. What’s going wrong with training?

PetitCornichon · 17/08/2018 09:02

OP, you're a woman of 30/31 yrs... yes?
You should have grown out of this bitchy playground behaviour by now.

Knowing that grown women still act like this in casual team sports is why I also stick to individual sports. At school, as a small petite quiet person, I was often bullied out of team sports (insults, deliberate physical assaults, not being picked, pretending I wasn't even there) before I'd even had chance to develop any skills or abilities.

I get not putting her in for major competitions, but this doesn't sound to me like you're professional Olympians. You just sound like an immature conniving lot who believe you're superior. Ugh

EachPeachPearRum · 17/08/2018 09:03

Women's team sports are a shambles in this country. Either run a competitive team and let it be known only those who make the cut will play or be inclusive. But for the love of all do not chuck off one poor woman because you've deemed her inadequate. You've missed the whole point of "team". If she shows up and does her best you support her. Otherwise you've lost at being a decent human never mind the game.

Owletterocks · 17/08/2018 09:03

I joined the simple netball league a few years ago for fun. It was advertised as being fun and social rather than competitive but it didn’t take long for the competitive people to start taking over and moaning about players who weren’t as good as them. I left then, it was a shame because it was good fun before that and I was enjoying it. It does depend what type of league the op is talking about but I can well imagine that it started out as fun and then people got all competitive

hmcAsWas · 17/08/2018 09:03

I do get it OP, as a team you want to win matches and its difficult when one team member keeps making glaring blunders that cost you the game. Both my teens play football (they are 14 and 16) and players have been culled from their teams. Nobody wants to do it, it is painful, but its also painful for the whole team having to sub the player (who is out of their depth) on to give them match time, and then see a goal scored by the opposition within minutes. It is typical in kids football after the age of around 11 for some players to be tactfully 'let go' (I reiterate, this isn't done lightly and is a bit grim, but if you didn't some of the better players would up and leave in frustration) - they generally find another team in a lower division and all ends relatively well. If kids can cope with it then grown women can.

I do feel sorry for this woman - but not being able to catch? That's pretty fundamental to netball. If you can speak to her employing as much tact as possible and explain the issue but volunteer that she can come and train with you weekly if she wants to continue, but probably wont get match time?

There is a boy in my son's team and he was given the choice - you can either move on elsewhere, or you can train with us every week but you will have no guarantee of playing matches and probably won't get to do so. The boy chose to stay - he loves the team and is friends with a good number of the boys.