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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a girl to leave our netball team?

236 replies

Missjb87 · 16/08/2018 21:38

I've been playing netball in an organised league for 1.5 seasons. I initially joined alongside a group of strangers and we've stayed on as a team and paid for a 2nd season.

We're all of a similar level aside from 1 girl who really struggles to catch and hasn't improved since we started. She's ruining the enjoyment of the game for everyone but recognise she's paid up to the end of this season so persevere with her.

Would it be unreasonable to start a new team without her in it next season/ask her to leave? And if so, how should we go about it? Football

OP posts:
PitchBlackNight · 16/08/2018 21:58

Tricky situation. It sounds like you didn’t have a clear plan as to what standard your team memebers had to be so it’s awkward to I plummet one retrospectively.

I play a number of sports and most the groups request players are kintermediate’ or whatever. If it’s a truly open group then it’s usually described as such.

I get that a crappy player can really effect a team and not just because it’s harder to win as it’s also about having a good game.

Are there any other teams about that are mixed ability that she could join. Whatever you do you do need to be honest. The worst thing would be to sideline her out without being honest.

Seniorcitizen1 · 16/08/2018 21:59

You should let her train but not play - as organised league then the need of the team to win takes precedence over her being upset, she’s an adult and will get over it.

PumpkinPie2016 · 16/08/2018 22:02

I think it would be awful to ask her to leave/continue without her! Focus training partly around catching or whatever it is she struggles with.

Maybe do some training in pairs so that she has one to one training for part of the session?

I honestly don't see how she can not have improved at all in 1.5 seasons but even if she hasn't it would be plain nasty to exclude her.

To be honest this is the sort of thing that put me off netball as a child/teen - the bitchiness (and that's what it is!).

scottishdiem · 16/08/2018 22:03

And back we go to girls sports, high school and bitchy playground comments.

If you are doing this as a competitive team/league thing then you should have been clear about skill levels before setting up the team. Like a band auditioning a musician/singer before signing them up.

Local mens sports teams here are about the banter and the good natured mockery of the weakest players (except the formal teams in the competitions/players on the panel - then it gets intense).

foodiefil · 16/08/2018 22:03

What position is she In? Put her in a different position? GK?

Whizbang · 16/08/2018 22:06

Oi, I was GK, don’t diss the goal keepers! Wink

notsohippychick · 16/08/2018 22:07

Have you ever thought this girl maybe playing to be social, get fit or meet new people?

How cruel and unsportsmanlike are you??!!!

Unless you are training for the Olympic s you are being really horrible.

SuperPug · 16/08/2018 22:07

If you were doing this at a more professional level, I'm guessing there would have been stricter criteria for joining in the first place...
I wonder how you would feel in her place? Sounds a bit like none of you have moved beyond secondary school.

Justgivemesomepeace · 16/08/2018 22:13

Are you a standalone team or an actual club? If you're just a team I'm guessing it's difficult to train? Maybe suggest joining a club together. That way you'll all get to train properly with a coach, improve your own skills and my guess is she may move to a team within the club that play at a similar level to her?

caseoftheexfiles · 16/08/2018 22:13

What level are you playing at?

I played netball at the level below the national squad for my country.

It’s a pretty competitive and if you’re in a team that’s actively competing and you’re the weakest link it does get frustrating for others. Unfortunately that’s the nature of sport at a pretty high level.

However, if you’re just playing for fun then no don’t tell her not to come back.

Perhaps as a PP suggested, a trial is brought in if you’re playing competitively.

FermatsTheorem · 16/08/2018 22:17

It all hinges on whether you're a competitive team playing in a league, or just doing fun scratch games for fun every week.

I used to play football. Weekly five-a-side with work mates, it was first come, first served on the email responses, and no-one would be left out because they were crap (the teams would be juggled to make sure the match was reasonably balanced and fun for everyone). The Sunday league team I played for - weakest players (usually me...) were on the bench. That's the way it is with competitive sports.

TornFromTheInside · 16/08/2018 22:17

Any team will have a weaker player.
Your job is to work around that and accept as a 'team' you have to harness your strengths and work around weaknesses.

Consider that part of your challenge as a team, not as you carrying a burden.
If you're going to start axing the weakest link - which is an option, then you should continue that, and work on axing the next weakest link once she is replaced. Eventually that will be you.

Bayleaf25 · 16/08/2018 22:19

Yabu

LighthouseSouth · 16/08/2018 22:20

I was the weakest link

the last to be picked for teams etc

still can't catch a ball - no team sports for me, only running

my perspective is - it's fair. If one person is spoiling it - and I have this image of me on your team!! - then fair enough.

if we rated ability from 1 - 10 and you are mostly 7s, 8s and she is 1, you have me on your team. I wouldn't want me on my team either.

Mrsmadevans · 16/08/2018 22:22

You can't be that mean OP, you just can't . Where is your sense of fair play , your sporting spirit, it just isn't the done thing.

Fucksgiven · 16/08/2018 22:25

So are you all adults who don't want a kid(girl) playing with you, or are you all elite players who are too good for this (girl) woman playing with you because she doesn't play at your level? Could you coach her if she's been, or is it too serious for that?

Sounds like she'd be happier in a nicer team if you are all so focussed on winning

shinyredbus · 16/08/2018 22:28

i dont play netball because of women like you. Happened to me in school. Awful.

Sessy19 · 16/08/2018 22:29

Maybe she also joined alongside a group of strangers because she's lonely and enjoys playing a team game. TEAM . GAME

As a PP suggested, how about someone kind-hearted and interested in developing the team (ie, not you) helps this girl out with a bit of training.

Just remember that many people do sports to be active in society and to improve their health. which include mental wellbeing. Unless you are earning winnings from this game that your family depends on, give the girl a break and learn to be kind.

52FestiveRoad · 16/08/2018 22:31

This happened to me once, it was not nice at all. It totally put me off team sports.

PortiaCastis · 16/08/2018 22:32

Lonely folk are advised to get out meet people join a club play a sport and this is the sort of thing that stops them

FermatsTheorem · 16/08/2018 22:33

Another thought - as a student I ran our department five-a-side team, which varied in standard from some truly excellent players to women who'd only just started playing the game. I used to juggle the teams depending on the opposition. If it was a round-robin tournament, for example, I'd give the weaker players a run out against the weaker opposition and save the strongest players for the most important matches. That way, everyone got included, but you didn't jeopardise the whole team's league or tournament position by playing the weaker players in crucial matches.

CeeCeeMacFay · 16/08/2018 22:34

YABU. I play for a team in a social league and for the first couple of seasons I was shit having not played for 20 years. Netball helped me overcome my anxiety and now I am at least the same level as everyone else on my team. It's not exactly the olympics and you will make her feel really shit.

Metoodear · 16/08/2018 22:37

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TornFromTheInside · 16/08/2018 22:38

Confidence in sport is a big thing, and lacking in it can cause a lot of mistakes. Build her confidence.
She may not have natural talent. It might be frustrating, but you need to change your team mindset. You need to find it within you to build her up, and make her feel more confident. Make that part of the challenge of the sport.

You want to win, I get that, but the way you want to win is by bringing in someone better. Where's the pride in that? Might as well just bring in multiple better players.

I suspect she knows she's not a good a player, but she's got some spirit in still playing with you. I'm almost cheering her on already, you should be too.

NorksAreMessy · 16/08/2018 22:39

This is EXACTLY what stops me playing team sports..
I do hope this is a reverse