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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a girl to leave our netball team?

236 replies

Missjb87 · 16/08/2018 21:38

I've been playing netball in an organised league for 1.5 seasons. I initially joined alongside a group of strangers and we've stayed on as a team and paid for a 2nd season.

We're all of a similar level aside from 1 girl who really struggles to catch and hasn't improved since we started. She's ruining the enjoyment of the game for everyone but recognise she's paid up to the end of this season so persevere with her.

Would it be unreasonable to start a new team without her in it next season/ask her to leave? And if so, how should we go about it? Football

OP posts:
TornFromTheInside · 17/08/2018 03:00

I think for men, 90% have realised they aren't going to be footballers, and it's the 10% who are still to be convinced. They tend to be the ones the other blokes roll their eyes at, not the ones who can't play.

It's quite strange as men can be terribly competitive individually. There's a real camaraderie too though. Can't explain why.

Lizzie48 · 17/08/2018 03:08

I notice that the OP hasn't come back. Not surprising, as her attitude stinks and she's been pulled up for it, quite rightly. This is the very reason why a lot of us don't sign up for team sports, which is a shame.

drastard · 17/08/2018 03:15

@TornFromTheInside

I'm a big believer in 'we're just animals' and 'it comes from milenia of evolution' theories.

Male tasks needed team work to be completed - kill the sabre tooth, fell the tree etc. Female tasks can be completed by the individual and, of course, doing so benefits you in the sole reason for living - to ensure the survival of your offspring.

sycamore54321 · 17/08/2018 03:18

It's obvious that the OP isn't playing at any serious level, otherwise there'd be standards and a coach or manager. It would not be up to the other team members to drop one player or not. So in this context, I agree with those who say that pushing this woman out mid-season is deeply unfair and quite cruel. Put yourself in her shoes OP. You began as a bunch of strangers who wanted to play netball. You have played one and a half seasons and gotten to know these women. You are now a bunch of teammates, she likely even thinks of you as friends. And then this, out of nowhere? You haven't mentioned any efforts to support her, to bring her up to this new arbitrary standard, to play to her strengths, and encourage her to overcome her weaknesses.

In the remaining half season, why not do some of these things? And possible review at season-end? But I suspect you will all be a lot more team-spirited and successful if you bond and help your teammate.

TornFromTheInside · 17/08/2018 03:24

I'm pretty sure they were talking about ditching her at the end of the season, not right now, but 1.5 seasons in seems a long time to finally work out she's really not very good.

My gut feeling is she's exaggerated this lady's inability. She's the weakest link, and maybe by some way, but not incompetent. How many ladies are going to proactively sign up to play netball without a little bit of confidence that they can catch etc? And then continue to be part of a team for a full season, sign up for a second season and still not cotton on that she's no good?
I think she's probably ok, just not good enough for the people in this team whose enjoyment is 'ruined' (rolls eyes) by her participation.

WilburIsSomePig · 17/08/2018 03:36

My friend is trying to get me to go along to netball with her - this kind of thing is precisely the reason why I won't.

I bet you and your 'better' mates have a right old bitch about the other woman. Must make you feel great.

Seniorschoolmum · 17/08/2018 03:49

You remind me precisely why I gave up team sport - all those nasty cliquey spiteful women. Tell her to come and join up in the local karate class.
It teaches respect and support for each other.

Nettletheelf · 17/08/2018 04:08

I feel sorry for the OP. She’s been called nasty, mean, horrible and spiteful with an attitude that stinks, etc., and she’s been presented as the personification of posters’ reasons for not enjoying team sports at school.

I get what she is saying. It really isn’t fun being in a team with somebody who isn’t any good. I once tried a weekly tennis thing where you turned up and were randomly put into mixed doubles. I didn’t stay with it because I just wasn’t good enough, so it was no fun for the other players. They came to get a good game, not to accommodate me or dispense training. I 100% see what the earlier poster who plays tennis means. If I’d continued to turn up, I’d have been selfish.

The OP has joined the netball league and been put into a ‘scratch’ team alongside the other new joiners. She hasn’t personally put the team together, and nor is she a netball coach. So she’s not responsible for planning how to improve her team mates’ performance and nor is she responsible for bolstering team mates’ self esteem or flying the flag for inclusivity of people who can’t play the sport.

I do have some sympathy for the lady who isn’t great at netball. She’s paid for the next season so she should be allowed to play, but I don’t see why, at the end of the season, one team member shouldn’t be appointed to gently suggest to her that she might get on better with a different team.

interestingdays · 17/08/2018 04:45

Can'tbelieveit, I'm worth you on this - and not with Nettle.

Must be an open team for her to have joined (and how brave she is as she is likely to be aware that she's not fantastic at it). I hope to god she's not picking up the horribly unwelcoming and 'uninclusive'/ judgey vibes that the poster is making so clear on this post.

Nishky · 17/08/2018 04:56

My friend joined a netball club in her 40’s and broke her elbow as one of the other members pushed her over. In a training session.
What is it with netball?

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/08/2018 05:13

Nishky. Wtf Shock

Dh is in a couple of teams. At least one is in a league. He’s very pleased to be admired and systematically the best despite being in some cases the oldest by a decade of more. He wanted to be a pro footballer but couldn’t run fast enough so he is pretty talented. If he acted like op I’d be pretty appalled. I totally agree the weakest link gets the targeted training.

Twistella · 17/08/2018 07:30

I have a very unpopular theory that netball is bitchy as its an exclusively female sport. Basketball doesn't seem to have these issues.

FatCow2018 · 17/08/2018 07:37

Wow, ypu sound lovely OP. I wonder how many of the team want to ditch this person, or if its actually just you?? Hmm

Oblomov18 · 17/08/2018 07:43

This reply has been deleted

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serbska · 17/08/2018 07:47

It's obvious that the OP isn't playing at any serious level, otherwise there'd be standards and a coach or manager

Oh fuck off.

There are plenty of high level commercial netball leagues where teams play without a manager or a coach.

You generally are expected to be self aware enough to know if you’re a good fit for the level of the team.

Adults should realise when they are a fucking liability and can’t even catch the ball.

We play in division 1 and had a pair of women join the team, OMG one was awful. She couldn’t catch. Couldn’t throw. We did worse with her on the Court than if we were playing with one less player.

We were going to have to bite the bullet and suggest she joined one of the lower division teams that has training sessions but luckily she moved away.

We were unfailing nice, but it was no fun for anyone as we would never throw her the ball unless someone could be right next to her to receive it again. And she only ever played half a match each week anyway.

Pointless for her, pointless for us.

Nodancingshoes · 17/08/2018 07:47

Netball is incredibly bitchy. I played for years but am well out of it now and would never go back. It seems to bring out the worst in many woman unfortunately...

wanderings · 17/08/2018 07:48

Contrary to popular belief, netball isn't exclusively female - there are mixed games, with rules about how many men are allowed to play, and on which parts of the court. My DH plays in several teams. They are in the minority though. Men's only games are very rare, but they do exist. He says that many of the ladies in his teams say that the mixed and ladies only teams have very different feels to them.

Depending on how it's organised, there are training sessions which usually end with a game, and competitive matches. The former are more suitable for less experienced or less confident players. Some teams take winning very seriously; others don't.

That aside, he has stories to tell about weak players. He's played in several "scratch" teams (individuals put together), and then there usually is real camaraderie, even though everyone has different abilities. It's very satisfying when a scratch team beats a more experienced team. But on his first team, he was in the position of being the weakest link - he joined an established team as an outsider, but after a few games the captain (very politely and apologetically) asked him to leave, because he was "dragging the team down". He was most upset for a day or two but did some more training, joined a team of beginners; a year later now plays on several teams, and is often the one giving advice to newer players.

LML83 · 17/08/2018 07:50

If you take it too seriously it will put people off. You may in the longer term struggle for members and not have a team.

How will the second worst player feel once this one goes? Or anyone who isn't confident? Not many will join a team looking for great players as most haven't done it for a while.

So for your own sake don't. Also to be a kind person don't. There are more important things, and there is no way she is 'ruining everyone's enjoyment' you might find people are also talking about you being too serious/mean (or at least thinking it)

Lockheart · 17/08/2018 07:54

This is why I only play for our work netball team if they really don’t have anyone else. I’d really love to play every week, but I’m so anxious about not being good enough and everyone hating me for dragging the side down. To be clear, noones said anything and I get asked to play quite often, it’s just in my head.

Unless you’re playing professionally, just have fun.

ferrier · 17/08/2018 07:55

Im with nettletheelf im afraid. As a fellow team sport player its incredibly frustrating when all the hard work and talent of the majority is undone by one weak link.

Is there a team manager or leader by now? You sound like a bit of an ad hoc formation? Going forward you will probably need a manager or at least an organiser and it may be helpful to lay out some aims/objectives/ground rules not just for current members but for new joiners. At the same time, you should reframe the selection criteria if you don't want a diluted team for matches. You don't need to abandon this woman entirely just not select her for matches. It's a team sport and most competitive/serious teams will select their best available team, its really not unusual or unfair.

serbska · 17/08/2018 07:55

There are leagues for all standards, sounds like she just needs to move to a social league if you are eg a division 2 league.

Beaverhausen · 17/08/2018 07:59

Wow what a mean thing to even suggest doing OP!

WeakAsIAm · 17/08/2018 08:02

Looks like you vanished op, it seems you entered a group, the other females took a dislike to you made it clear and now you've gone.
Karma's only a bitch if you are.

LeftRightCentre · 17/08/2018 08:02

There are some nasty pieces of work excuses for people in this world. And girl? Guess you never got out of secondary school.

PitchBlackNight · 17/08/2018 08:02

Nettle
I feel sorry for the OP. She’s been called nasty, mean, horrible and spiteful with an attitude that stinks, etc., and she’s been presented as the personification of posters’ reasons for not enjoying team sports at school.

Haha. This is so true. There is lots of PROJECTING going on in this thread. From the OP there is no way to know whether the OP has been the slightest bit bit 'bitchy' or not. It's a league team so the fact one player is terrible might make it difficult and not enjoyable. There is nothing wrong with competitive leagues just as there is nothing wrong with friendly fun leagues. Neither is right or wrong but there is nothing wrong enjoying playing a sport competitively. I play various sports at 'different' levels including ones I play 'competitively'. That isn't a secret word for being a bitch or being unsporting. I'm 100% happy to loose but the objective is to do as well as I can and to have a 'good' game. It's the most fun when you have a real battle on your hands.

If one play is a disaster then it could well 'ruin' what would otherwise be a competitive league. It's not fun for the rest of the team and it's also not fun for the other teams.

It's funny to watch so many posters ganging up against the OP and trying to be as unpleasant about her as possible.... it makes the accusations of bitchy schoolyard behaviour a little hypocritical 🙄

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