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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask a girl to leave our netball team?

236 replies

Missjb87 · 16/08/2018 21:38

I've been playing netball in an organised league for 1.5 seasons. I initially joined alongside a group of strangers and we've stayed on as a team and paid for a 2nd season.

We're all of a similar level aside from 1 girl who really struggles to catch and hasn't improved since we started. She's ruining the enjoyment of the game for everyone but recognise she's paid up to the end of this season so persevere with her.

Would it be unreasonable to start a new team without her in it next season/ask her to leave? And if so, how should we go about it? Football

OP posts:
Jeffjefftyjeff · 16/08/2018 22:41

I am the weakest player on my team. Our captain manages to create a lovely welcoming, friendly atmosphere (mostly on group chats) where I can be really frank about this (I know I’m not great etc). They are all lovely to me. On matches we really need to win I have sometimes found a sub for my position, but have never been asked to do this.

Is there a back to netball type of thing near you? They do skills training and drills.

NewName54321 · 16/08/2018 22:44

Why not advertise for new members of all abilities?

She won't then be the only less able player and the target for people trying to push her out. She'll have 1.5 years of training experience to share so able to contribute. More opportunities for mixed but balanced teams for training and a wider pool of more talented players for league matches. Hopefully also more people who will be nice to this poor girl (woman?).

UrsulaPandress · 16/08/2018 22:45

No don't get rid of her.

Just don't ever pass the ball to her.

Let her play less quarters than everyone else.

Bitch about her behind her back.

She'll soon get the message

Then you can go on and win win win.

A plague on both your houses

DamsonGin · 16/08/2018 22:49

People like you are the reason I don't play team sports. I'd like to but there's nothing so shit as someone wanting you out of their team.

TornFromTheInside · 16/08/2018 22:49

If she's 'ruining' the enjoyment of your game. It's not the game you're enjoying, it's the winning.

Susiesue61 · 16/08/2018 22:53

Exactly the reason girls give up sports! DD plays cricket, we have had on our team this year a couple of girls who hadnt really played before.
Dd has made sure they've had a bat and we've really encouraged them to play, it's been fab 😊 Try and encourage her and she might surprise you

AnnieAnoniMoose · 16/08/2018 22:54

Well, she says, swimming against the tide...if everyone is playing at a higher level and she’s spoiling the game for the rest of the team, she should have the decency to drop to a lower league or different group where she’s playing with with people at the same level as her. I would. Wouldn’t dream of spoiling it for everyone else. IF she lacks this self awareness then it’s very awkward, Is there a more structured association you could join where trials are held?

vivasunshine · 16/08/2018 22:55

Absolutely fucking unreasonable and damn right cruel tbh. Just because you think she's a weaker player your getting rid!! I actually think she's better not being on your team and to find a better set of people who appreciates her flaws.

GlacierMints · 16/08/2018 22:57

It's very mean spirited. What happened to its the taking part that counts?

Wouldn't it be nicer to take her under your wing and make an effort with her to improve her skils - as others have said catching drils or explore what her strengths are and see if she would be better suited to playing in a different position maybe defence.

PenelopeFlintstone · 16/08/2018 22:59

I'm shit at netball and don't play for that reason, but I still sympathise with the OP. Not everyone can do everything. That's just life.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 16/08/2018 23:00

It’s not ‘the winning’ they’re trying to enjoy, it’s the opportunity/chance of winning - entirely different. It’s a game, people try to win, that’s the point. If you don’t want to try to win then do something else...don’t play a game where the point is to try to win 🤷🏻‍♀️

BlackberryandNettle · 16/08/2018 23:00

Forming a team without her and asking her to leave are both mega bitchy moves - please don't do this. I wouldn't suggest it in rl either as you'll sound like a total bitch....

If she left, surely you'd need to recruit? Can you recruit anyway and hold bigger training sessions? Then you could run your best team for league matches but all play/train/play friendlies mixing up the teams. I guess it all depends on how your team/league works.

LighthouseSouth · 16/08/2018 23:00

@AnnieAnoniMouse

exactly!

speaking as the weakest link, I can't imagine wanting to spoil a whole team game with my crapness. OP says the team member hasn't improved in ages. That must make for no flow, right? I can't play badminton with my family because they are good, I am shite at all of it, and it's just stupid having me in a game.

the best comparison I can think of is if someone kept standing and stopping in front of me to say while I was running and broke the flow - I would be annoyed. Or like when someone comes to you at the gym and starts chatting when you're clearly well into your workout.

it isn't the job of everyone - especially in a league, as the OP says - to support the weakest link. It's not a mountain rescue. It's a leisure activity. From OP's description I can picture the game - because of being the weakest link!

SaucyJack · 16/08/2018 23:11

I think it depends a lot on her attitude, and how game she is.

I used to do Muay Thai classes, and having the odd wet person who was less into it than everyone else definitely spoilt it when they stood there screaming and wincing.

But if she’s trying her, but just not very good.... I dunno. Is there another club she could play with?

BitOutOfPractice · 16/08/2018 23:12

I’m guessing you’re Olympic standard then op?

TornFromTheInside · 16/08/2018 23:16

It’s not ‘the winning’ they’re trying to enjoy, it’s the opportunity/chance of winning - entirely different. It’s a game, people try to win, that’s the point. If you don’t want to try to win then do something else...don’t play a game where the point is to try to win

You 'try' to win with whatever talents you have in the team. If you fail, you still tried. Not trying is playing below the best your team can. The best their team can play is sum of all their talents, good and bad.

bostik · 16/08/2018 23:19

Do you train as well as play in the league? Is it an option for you to invite her to train with you instead? I can imagine it must be frustrating but if you don't have a proper trials or selection system it is going to be hard to demote her without hurting her feelings.

TornFromTheInside · 16/08/2018 23:21

It IS the job of the team to support the weakest link.
Every team has a weakest link. Someone has to be the weakest.
If you are going to ditch the weakest link in the name of progress, so be it, but don't stop after one - you better carry on that decision and ditch the next weakest link as soon as you can replace them...

But they won't. They won't do that because they want a comfortable team for 'them', and the moment their position is under threat, the rules will change. They'll be at 'just the right standard' for them... Suddenly 'getting better' won't be such a nice idea.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 16/08/2018 23:21

lighthouse - exactly!

saucyjack - I had to look that up. It’s a BIG no thanks from me! 😂

boop You don’t have to be Olympic standard to want to play a game with people of approximately the same ability.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 16/08/2018 23:24

I disagree torn.

MissContrary · 16/08/2018 23:24

What division are you in? All new teams start at the bottom, div 6 here. You're not playing for England or even County you know.

One bad player wouldn't hold a really good team back anyway Grin

comperdenise · 16/08/2018 23:24

oh god I'm the absolute same, u honestly can't put me infront of a ball or anything sports. hubby once kicked a footie at me and i honestly screamed lol.

If she's letting the team down hun I'd kick her out but that's just me

Denise x

Witchend · 16/08/2018 23:43

As someone who plays competitive sport (tennis) it does depend on the situation and the person.

If you advertise yourself as a "anyone can come and play", no you can't ask someone to leave. Ideally if you're competitive you have more than one team, in different leagues and the bottom one should be about everyone playing as much as possible. However if you're one team then I think you do need to look at how you can use her.

BUT: Sometimes you get someone who is really bad, and doesn't improve because they really don't get how bad they are. I've played with some people who are bad, and not minded one bit because they listen to you when you say "don't worry about X concentrate on Y" or "another time move to XX if that happens" etc. They improve and they can be lovely to play with.

But I've played with people who are actually better at the start. But they don't realise how bad they are and they rush across the net to try and volley (which you know they'll put in the net if they do get to it) which leaves you trying to cover the down the line plus the cross court as they're playing in the middle of the court. That's irritating after the first couple of misses.
Or you say "it's better if you stand here because where you're standing means they just put it to your feet which is hard". And they reply with "oh I'm happier here" so every other shot it put straight to their feet and they miss it.
I don't worry about playing with someone weaker than me at all. It can be quite nice to take the lead. But if they are making the same mistakes again and again it really spoils it, especially if you try helping them and they ignore it.

It's also no fun playing against someone where one of the players if totally out of their depth. Do you hit it at them and get the point, or dolly it over the net to them, or play to their partner? That's not really a fun game for anyone.
I remember turning up to play a team once where the captain had brought his girlfriend into play. I note he chose not to partner her. We lost 2 points in a set against her and partner. And that was with playing on the partner just to get a hit of the ball. She missed every ball that went to her, and poached terribly too. At the end one of the team asked if she'd enjoyed the match. "Oh yes," she said, "I hope to play every match."

She clearly didn't realise how much weaker she was than everyone else.
Now if she'd said "I loved it, but I'm going to have to do a lot of practice to get good enough to play again" then I think she'd have had quite a different reaction.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 16/08/2018 23:46

YABU.
If she hasn't managed to improve AT ALL in 1.5 seasons then the coaching is not up to scratch - get your coach and captain to come up with drills to help her improve.
If you don't have a coach, clearly you're an informal team and you need to help her improve - she's obviously got guts and enjoys the game, having stuck with you for so long, so do your bit and help her.
It can be frustrating but that is team sports. One day you'll be the worst, and wanting to get better.

tectonicplates · 16/08/2018 23:46

YABU for joining an amateur team and expecting everyone to be of equal ability. You should leave and join a team that auditions people.

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