To think kids miss out these days?

[jelly449]

Last week I went out with my dad for a meal. My aunt came too and I hasn't seen her for 6/7 years as she moved abroad.

Dad and aunty spent most of the night talking about what they got up too as kids. We're talking 1960's.

They honestly had the best childhood even though times were hard. They had no money - my grandad walked out on my grandma and she worked literally all the hours she could.

My grandma basically used to 'chuck them out after breakfast' - dads words - and him and my aunty wouldn't come home until tea time.

They spent the summer holidays playing in farmers fields, building dens, biking to here there and everywhere, waiting for the trains to pass etc. They even used to build their own dens and camp out on them in the middle of the woods. I'm guessing they were between the ages of 8 and 14/15. Dad started working at 14.

My aunty also mentioned the one holiday they all had at a caravan park. But it had no toilet and it was quite a walk to the outside ones. They thought it was great. Going to the toilet was a massive adventure for them. In all honesty....my dcs would moan at staying in a caravan with no toilet.

They had some stories to tell and they were all amazing.

My dcs won't have any of these stories to tell. Literally none. My dcs aren't even allowed to leave the front garden.

Dd is currently up in her room watching you tube. Ds is watching a film. They've only met up with their friends a handful of times this summer as everyone is abroad.

Just sat here thinking how times really have changed

P.s regarding the 'chuck them out after breakfast' comment - my grandma was ace, she was very set in her ways though. I remember staying at hers over night once and she made me stay in the garden all day and play. I remember thinking 'wtf am I supposed to do our here, I'm coming in when home and away is on at lunch time' so even I'm guilty of it lol

I grew up in the 1980s and was a fairly anxious child. Whilst I had some great times I was often in situations that made me feel anxious and wished there was a grown up there! On balance I’d have preferred to have the childhood my kids have got, not least because kids mental health issues are recognised now. It took me until I was 40 to get on top of mine and the attitude to kids feelings and fears 30 odd years ago was a big part of that I think.

The parenting was shit back then.

I did not enjoy being chucked out. Nor did I enjoy being in some really awful situations I was not equipped to deal with as a child.

My kids are loved and protected and safe.

The internet is a part of life. I am teaching them how to be safe on it and how to balance screen time with other things.

Things were not better back then.

I can remember spending days on end playing outdoors during the school holidays in 1960s/70s and absolutely loved it. We lived on the very edge of a city with open countryside within easy walking distance. We had fields to play in.

If it rained we could stay in and were expected to play scrabble and other board games, jigsaws, card games and mostly stay out of our mother's hair as much as possible. On a Saturday afternoon we were allowed to bring friends in to watch stuff like Man from Uncle and The Monkees on TV (ours was in colour, which was a big deal then).

The downside was that when the sun shone our mother had no sun cream for us, so we always got burnt, being very fair skinned. There was calamine lotion afterwards, but that did not stop the skin cancers that I now suffer from in my late fifties.

There were flashers and pervs about in those days and children were frightened to tell in case blamed by adults. Discussions in the family were not open and the teenage girl who "got into trouble" was marched off to a mother and baby home to later have her child adopted. This happened to people we knew and I used to have a frequent nightmare that if it happened to me, my child would be taken away.

At the same time, the Moors Murders were taking place and I once met a child on a caravan site whilst on holiday, only to see her face on the news because she had been murdered in Ireland. The child was outgoing and got into a car with a strange man.

It is easy to see the past through rose tinted glasses.

I was sent to a suburban after school/summer holiday club from the ages of 8-13. 1970s-80s. It was a free for all at times. I was molested by one of the boys. We were shown an 18 certificate film once when the main leaders were out. My friend was pestered by a much older leader and this was seen as funny.

My parents both worked and thought it was better for me to go there and make friends than be at home on my own. I didn't want to worry them so kept going until I turned 13 and insisted on staying home.

I had a wonderful childhood in the country in the 1950's. It was a balance, able to roam free when I wanted - building dens, climbing trees, playing down by the river and on a disused railway line. But Mum was at home and other days I would be with her, reading my books, helping bake cakes and generally messing around. We saw grandma once a week, and went shopping in town once a week. I had pets too, a cat and a dog that I walked for miles. If I was lucky, occasionally my older brothers allowed me to go fishing with them, and I would be the one yielding the landing net. Every summer for a couple of weeks my Dad looked after a water-mill for some friends of ours, it was necessary as the river hatches had to be attended to regularly. It was a fabulous house, much more luxurious than ours and I loved collecting the eggs from their chickens.

After tea in the summer Mum, Dad and I would go for a long walk and my Dad would point out different flowers and the various birds. He really taught me how to look - and that is a vital skill. My husband always says how observant I am of the birds and flowers when we're walking (we still live in the country, but a different part to my childhood) and I'm so grateful that Dad gave me that huge gift. My daughter born in the 90's had a different childhood, still in the country, but much more supervised. She says to this day how she hated the holiday play schemes which she had to go on because I was working. Difficult choices to make whatever era you are a mother - my Mum was lucky, a decent husband on the whole, but there was the whole 1950's patriarchy going on which was unavoidable then. Because she did not work she had less power and influence and if something was needed and Dad had to be asked it was always 'let me pick my moment'!!! My work gave me financial autonomy and we have a very equal relationship, but while I did my best as a mother, I would honestly say that my daughter's childhood was not as idyllic as mine - I regret the time spent apart at key times, including the Christmas holidays, because of work. Whatever generation you parent in, it's not easy and no-one ever gets it totally right. But I count myself very fortunate to have had a lovely childhood.

Most of the ‘chucked out’ kids landed up on our doorstep. My dm would go mad with the parents, as some would skunk off to work, and send their kids round ours for the day as my dm would be home. It was bad enough that they’d leave them, but my mum had to then feed them, and we were exactly rolling in it. Mum was no push over, she’d run the kids back and have a go at the parents cf!

I do remember walking to a friends house over the holidays. She’d invite me round for the afternoon, she lived a good distance away, anc I was 9 at the time. My dd turns 9 next month, I can’t see me letting dd do that walk on her own.
I also remember going up to a woods and building dens. There was a paddock with horses we used to go and feed/pet. I’d go with dbro, who would have been 11. But where I live now is quite urban to where I was brought up.

I think my little boy is having a lovley childhood he's only 5 so doesn't play out yet. We have friends round to play but he gets loads of time outside we camp, go to the beach , country park , explore loads, count butterflies , do mini beast hunts , collect interesting things , pick blackberries, birdwatch, lots of walks ECT he also has time at home reading , playing with toys , watching cartoons , then we go to museums , children's play parks ECT so I feel we have a good mix. I think it would be awful to just be chucked out what if you just didn't feel like it, just wanted to rest at home, read , play with toys , spend time with your mum? I also find it a bit odd that people had children but didn't want to spend much time with them and just wanted them gone. I played out when I older but still did loads of fun stuff with my parents like bike rides , exploring rivers , wave dodging and went on days out. I think a mix is best. My husband is from a deprived area and was just out roaming the streets and did have lots of fun but also got into trouble with older kids , brought home by police , one brother ran over , lots of injuries like head split open from someone throwing a rock at him, ECT big groups of mixed kids just hanging around and probably getting bored and then causing trouble ECT.

There are kids "chucked out" where I live now. Terraced street with a 30mph country road opposite the houses. 3 families let/send their 5yos (& up) out to play until at least 10pm on non-school nights. They mostly play behind the houses away from the road. I think it's lazy parenting tbh and because of the road (and falling-down outbuildings behind the terrace) borderline neglectful/dangerous.

My OH grew up in the country, one of four children. They were told to go out during the day and find their own amusements. He had a happy childhood, but in a less age community things might have been different. In the days when kids didn’t have many toys, there was limited Tv and often limited space, this was the way things were. The parent at home often didn’t have a car either. Better than being stuck indoors playing video games all day.

Less safe community

When I was 11 I used to ride my bike round a Loch locally. One year it was frozen over and I had fun riding over the ice. If it had cracked God knows what would have happened. My parents took little interest in where I was or what I was doing. There was nothing to do at home and I had no real possessions.

Whenever I’ve been in a group of mixed ages discussing this (book club, family gatherings) it turns dark very quickly as people remember bullying, loneliness, child sexual abuse, abduction and accidental deaths.
There’s a middle ground between rose tinted memories and children today glued to screens and never playing out.

I asked my dcs and they said they’d like a mix of free time out and about, (but not alone) and indoor (screen) time.

I often think this. Much more recent, but in my primary school days in the early 90s, I was always outside on adventures. Grew up in suburbs and from 5 was allowed to walk to daycare/primary school myself - it involved one road crossing and I remember to this day how utterly psyched with myself I was the first time I was allowed to walk by myself (my baby-sister was sick that first day, so my mum had given in to my constant nagging). Sister and I would play outside pretty all day, every day. You would just go door to door to find a neighbourhood kid who wanted to play - usually it was a whole bunch of us. We would climb over each other's fences in play in each other's back gardens building a tree house, a pond, a 'waterpark' - I remember dragging every paddling pool in the neighbour we could find into my back garden with the other kids and placing the strategically under our swing sets and slide... I was allowed to cycle around our village by myself from age 6. It was great. Feel sorry that my kids will not be able to have the same experience.

Oh and in the summer holidays my mum would drop us off at 10am at the huge outdoor pool (had baby, kids (with slides) and adult (with diving boards) pools + playgrounds and woods. We would each get a few pounds to buy chips for lunch and penny sweets or ice cream (a choice we contemplated for hours) and leave us there till the evening. All my friend's parents did the same. This was from age 8. We'd spend like four days a week there. I LOVED it.

Crunchymint you asked about rates of injury as well as death - the data in this report from Dept of Transport show the annual number of children killed or seriously injured in Road Traffic Accidents (the cause accounting for the greatest proportion of unintentional injury deaths according to the RCPCH report).

It reports:
-a reduction in deaths and serious injuries of 84% between 1979 and 2013 (from 12,458 to 1,980)

-a reduction of 70% in injuries of all severity for the same period

-a reduction of 92% in deaths (from 636 to 48) for the same period

69% were pedestrians, 14% cyclists and 14% car occupants (3% 'other').

www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/442236/child-casualties-2013-data.pdf

Interesting Canadeeio.
The increase of the amount of traffic on the roads seems to have made a big positive impact on child death , but also increased parents' fears about allowing their children to play out freely.

I loved my childhood, we lived in a Housing Co-Op in a row of terraced houses in East London. All the gardens at the back were linked and the houses had given up part of their garden space for a communal area for the children.
We would make a camp under the wooden slide with old nets/blankets and carpet off cuts on the floor (posh) with the cat dressed up as a baby in a pram (obviously), we would camp out in the garden, run into each others houses for juice and biscuits, we had a big pitch at the end of the street we where we would play football or build ramps for ours bikes out of rubbish and planks, we would visit the farm at the end of my street and pet the animals (feed the goats onions), sit in the Henry Moore statues lap, play 'add' or run-outs in the flats as a massive group or play hide and seek in the grave yard. We had a street party once a year and went to the seaside once a year on a red London bus
Were weren't 'chucked out' but we could be out all day till we were called for dinner or till the street lights came on which ever came first. I would read books in my room all day sometimes or watch t.v till I got square eyes (as my mum would say)
I would walk my sisters to school/nursery sometimes from about 7/8 we had one road to cross, we would get the family fish and chips dinner by ourselves on Fridays.
There were children who were neglected like there are now and they would come to ours for sandwiches and snacks my mum didn't mind, we had a school friend who was neglected and beaten we told our mum and she called the SS and refused to take her home , she stayed with us for a while and went into foster care she was much happier, she moved away eventually, my friend was hit by a car on his bike on a crossing he lived but had a broken leg, we had a lady who would wipe her corgis bum and throw the toilet paper in the grass (no one would go near that patch), we had a resident pervert who would offer you £10 to 'come to his house' I told my dad and he found him, roughed him up and said if to him if he sees him even looking at any child he would really beat him, after that when he saw us he would run, I was flashed at while walking with friends home from school through the park (killed ourselves laughing it looked like a small worm).
Every childhood has good and bad memories.

I do think it's sad that children cannot have as much freedom, but I also think they have lost part of the independent spirit that I had when I was young.
Many children that I know don't even travel on public transport, they are given a lift everywhere! from about 15yrs I would take a bus with my sisters and friends to window shop (had no money) in the London's West end now many of my daughters friends are too afraid to go anywhere without being dropped off, this might be because we live on the outskirts of London perhaps? but we have good access to London and local public transport.

I don’t agree that’s kids today are missing out at all. They have different experiences to those we were exposed to. Better experiences in my view.

My DCs have had a far more closely supervised upbringing than I did. My childhood was quite boring - I remember reading a lot of library books and going out in my bicycle. My mother didn’t really think to create much opportunity for stimulation beyond school.

People scoffing at the cows comment - that is literally the main reason I don’t let my kids play in the heathland by our house. They graze cows there regularly but never have signs up warning us anymore so it could be cow free one day and free range cows the next. They’re huge and although the risk to the kids is minimal, I’m not willing to take it.

They are allowed to the park down the road (10&11 year olds) and they’re allowed to pop to the shop. They’re not actually that fussed with roaming free otherwise, they prefer to do things with us. 🤷‍♀️

No way I’d let me 6 & 4 year old out alone.