To think kids miss out these days?

[jelly449]

Last week I went out with my dad for a meal. My aunt came too and I hasn't seen her for 6/7 years as she moved abroad.

Dad and aunty spent most of the night talking about what they got up too as kids. We're talking 1960's.

They honestly had the best childhood even though times were hard. They had no money - my grandad walked out on my grandma and she worked literally all the hours she could.

My grandma basically used to 'chuck them out after breakfast' - dads words - and him and my aunty wouldn't come home until tea time.

They spent the summer holidays playing in farmers fields, building dens, biking to here there and everywhere, waiting for the trains to pass etc. They even used to build their own dens and camp out on them in the middle of the woods. I'm guessing they were between the ages of 8 and 14/15. Dad started working at 14.

My aunty also mentioned the one holiday they all had at a caravan park. But it had no toilet and it was quite a walk to the outside ones. They thought it was great. Going to the toilet was a massive adventure for them. In all honesty....my dcs would moan at staying in a caravan with no toilet.

They had some stories to tell and they were all amazing.

My dcs won't have any of these stories to tell. Literally none. My dcs aren't even allowed to leave the front garden.

Dd is currently up in her room watching you tube. Ds is watching a film. They've only met up with their friends a handful of times this summer as everyone is abroad.

Just sat here thinking how times really have changed

P.s regarding the 'chuck them out after breakfast' comment - my grandma was ace, she was very set in her ways though. I remember staying at hers over night once and she made me stay in the garden all day and play. I remember thinking 'wtf am I supposed to do our here, I'm coming in when home and away is on at lunch time' so even I'm guilty of it lol

I was like this in the 90s. The youngest of 4 children so by the time it got to me my parents weren't too bothered. I was playing out within a two mile radius of my house by age 8. I can't imagine my 8yo stepdaughter doing that now and we're in the same area. I broke my wrist at 10 after flying off a homemade tree swing we'd set up over an embankment. Obviously we had no phones so we had to find the nearest house to the woods where people we knew lived and ask them to call my home phone so my mum could take me to hospital.

Looking back now I do wonder why my parents weren't too bothered. If my children came home with a broken wrist aged 10 after being left outside contact-less for hours on end I'd feel like a bit of a shit parent. They just say it was a different time. Idon't feel particularly neglected but I guess we were really.

I had the same childhood in the 90s when I was with my mum but it's because she was a lazy, neglectful alcoholic who had no interest in us, never spent time with us or took us anywhere.

My 13 year olds been out the whole summer practically with friends. Eight year old has played down at the park alot and at her friends near by and in our and neighbours gardens and my five year olds been in our garden and neighbours when we aren't out on days out and I'm not working.

They have had great summer's but ones also mixed with spending time with me and my dh on paid for days out and abroad. Which I never got (from my mum, my dad did) They have only been on devices or watched tv in the evening for a short time. The older they get the more independence they get understandably. I can't even comprehend letting my five year old disappear for hours and hours on end the way I use to with my mum not having a clue (or caring) where I was.

I'm always kicking my kids out! They drive me mad with the constant "can I go on my tablet...." my eldest are 9 and 11. The 11 yr old can go out and about with friends all the way up to teatime. The 9 yr old can call for certain people but come back if they're not in. She can go to the shop in her own. She can take my 4 yr old to the teeny park on our street and they can both take the 4 yr old to the big park together. They both know their boundaries. My 9 yr old has more freedom than all her friends so she mostly stays home sadly.

My childhood was much the same as theirs just without a mobile phone.

My dad played all day on the heathland round his house but regularly got bollocked for forgetting to come home!! My mum cycled round the downs by herself as a kid but as a teen in town had less freedom.

I think there used to be less options tbh.

Your nine year old has responsibility for a four year old?

I had a very supervised 80s/90s childhood. Lived on a very busy road out of school catchment so nowhere and no one to play with casually.

I'm trying to give my DCs balance. We do some structured activities. I try to give them down time to entertain themselves too. We spend a decent amount of times in places like parks and they are free to head into the bushes to make dens etc with light supervision that gradually lightens over time as they get older. Having your entire childhood micromanaged can be as damaging as letting children be feral.

As to what parents were doing in previous generations, for some maintaining a household would have required much more time with less effective household appliances, less access to transport and manually preparing food and less attention avaliable for older siblings.

I have great memories of my childhood which was mostly in the 1950s and no, we weren't chucked out of the front door but we did spend all day playing with other children in the street, making up games, going to the park, only going home for lunch and dinner.

Your nine year old has responsibility for a four year old?

a broken wrist aged 10 after being left outside contact-less for hours on end I'd feel like a bit of a shit parent.

I think these comments say a lot about the views of today - there seems to be a much bigger attitude that someone is in charge and responsible rather than everyone being responsible for the kids.

No, the 9 year old isn't responsible for the 4 year old, they're just going with them to the park, you wouldn't expect anyone in the group to leave anyone else in the group, and everyone should look out for everyone else, but that's part of a group, not the part of a heirarchy with someone in charge.

So the four year old is effectively there on their own?

Thanks Idon'thaveatattoo

It has been hard to give them freedom at times but it's built upon trust and rules.

Same here.

If you said this statement now, chucked them out after breakfast and they were out all day playing in farms and trains you would be called a bad parent!

Am I the only one who thinks a 9 year old looking after their 4 year old sibling, at the park on their street, isn't that bad?

I was a child in the 90s and can look back (admittedly with some element of rose tinted glasses) and remember playing out in our road with the neighbours' kids, building dens in the forest next to our garden, pulling my toy rocking horse around outside pretending she was real, building dens, long cycle rides with my brother and then coming inside to do hours of arts and craft.
I did live in the countryside until I was 10 but I still wouldn't let DC go off unaccompanied.

@Topsyshair
No I think it's fine too. If the park is outside the house it's not much different to the garden.

@Topsyshair

If he fine with it too, dependant on the children in question’s temperaments.

I.e. a nightmare of a 4 year old with an easily distracted 9 year old? Probably not. But a calm 4 year old with a relatively mature 9 year old... fine.

They spent the summer holidays playing in farmers fields, building dens, biking to here there and everywhere, waiting for the trains to pass etc. They even used to build their own dens and camp out on them in the middle of the woods. I'm guessing they were between the ages of 8 and 14/15

This is a pretty good description of my childhood in the late 1990s. I'm 30 now.

When I go back to where I grew up to visit family (rural Scotland) it seems pretty unchanged. Mum is a local teacher and agrees. Last time I was there, I was waiting for some sheep to get out of the road and got approached by a couple of boys wanting me to give them a push down the track in the go kart they'd made.

Definitely seems to be an urban v rural thing - the kids where I live now (very safe suburbs of big city) all seem to be being propelled from one organised activity to another.

Am I the only one who thinks a 9 year old looking after their 4 year old sibling, at the park on their street, isn't that bad?

You are a terrible parent, what if there was a passing cow?

So the four year old is effectively there on their own?

No, because there's someone there who knows them, but that doesn't make them responsible. If two adults go out together, one is not responsible for the other, but you'd all expect the adult to help the other one out if they had any problems. The sort of problems an adult has involves calling emergency services or giving them a bit of support, but one adult is not responsible for the other. It's exactly the same with a group of kids out, if there's a problem, they get help, or give support.

The idea of responsiblity only comes about because you infantilise parties, and yes, a 4 year old is quite limited in where they can be safely allowed to be in a group and bear responsibility for themselves. But the park at the on the same street as home is probably one of them.

I think the major shift between growing up in the 60's/70's to today is that kids back then were a sort of by product of the marriage. Certainly my sister and I and other kids I grew up with were out and about and semi feral. Parents and guardians would never have entertained kids like parents do nowadays. We only went somewhere with our parents very rarely. It was to visit Dads parents in the south, christmas shopping, to go to the Doctor and that was it. We had two holidays my entire childhood. We were never asked our opinions on anything or entertained. Mum was at home doing house work and reading. Dad was at work. Us kids were just in the background but we were never entertained or taken anywhere but it wasn;t a bad thing. We had toys and games we used to play between us and with other kids. Prams, dolls, teddies, bikes etc.

In the good weather we were gone out of the house and either roaming or cycling about or at each others houses until dusk. As soon as a child was 5ish and at school, in our village they would be tagged along with a bunch of kids of varying ages being carried on the backs or fronts of bikes or just on foot.
It wasn't all roses but it's a different world now isn't it? I am so glad I grew up in the 60's and 70's but the thought of my parents entertaining me and my sister is laughable. We were reasonably well behaved by products and we had no importance of any sort. I was skinny and muscley and grew up practical and resourceful.

I think you’ve got a point there, Taint. I was a child of the 60s, and although we were loved, children definitely weren’t the focal point in our family. You were expected to manage your own entertainment, be resilient even about quite unpleasant stuff, ate what we were given and my dad tended to dictate what happened, with everyone falling into line.
I don’t think most children miss out now, it’s just different. I do agree that some teenagers are lacking some essential lifeskills that need to be actively experienced and discussed with parents. DD was shocked on numerous occasions in 6th form and uni by things that her peers didn’t know or couldn’t do.

That's an interesting point above. I wonder whether the increase in divorce rates could also contribute. Nowadays more children only spend certain days with one parent so could there be a tendency for parents to want to "make these moments count" a bit more as they have more limited time with their children?

This type of silly nostalgia is bollocks and dangerous. No, kids today don't miss out, it's not 1960 anymore, FFS. It's different. I had that type of childhood and it wasn't some days of hope and glory. It was borderline neglectful.

Taint that’s really thought provoking. My friends and I (born late 70s) recently discussed how nothing was ‘about’ us in our childhoods. We just had to get on with it. We’re from a mix of class and geographical backgrounds so it would seem to be generational.

In contrast, our family life is now very child centred. Housing choices relate to the best school catchments, work arrangements are made to be around for kids as much as possible. We all think very hard about giving our children a range of experiences, friendship groups and exposure to knowledge. We want to ‘know’ our kids in a way our parents never knew (and still don’t know!) us as people.

I honestly do not feel my children miss out. I think they have so much more love, happiness and engagement than I ever did. I wouldn’t return to the 70s/80s childhood for them for anything!!

Why on earth is remembering your childhood as good 'silly nostslgia, bollocks & dangerous'?
I had a perfectly good childhood thanks. We are not all the same nor have the same experiences. Those of us who enjoyed our childhood are perfectly reasonable to remember it fondly.

Just cos your parents were neglectful doesnt mean everyones were.

This type of silly nostalgia is bollocks and dangerous. No, kids today don't miss out, it's not 1960 anymore, FFS. It's different. I had that type of childhood and it wasn't some days of hope and glory. It was borderline neglectful

Don't be ridiculous. Yours may have been boarderline neglectful. Not everyone's was.

@Ifailed passing cow...