To think kids miss out these days?

[jelly449]

Last week I went out with my dad for a meal. My aunt came too and I hasn't seen her for 6/7 years as she moved abroad.

Dad and aunty spent most of the night talking about what they got up too as kids. We're talking 1960's.

They honestly had the best childhood even though times were hard. They had no money - my grandad walked out on my grandma and she worked literally all the hours she could.

My grandma basically used to 'chuck them out after breakfast' - dads words - and him and my aunty wouldn't come home until tea time.

They spent the summer holidays playing in farmers fields, building dens, biking to here there and everywhere, waiting for the trains to pass etc. They even used to build their own dens and camp out on them in the middle of the woods. I'm guessing they were between the ages of 8 and 14/15. Dad started working at 14.

My aunty also mentioned the one holiday they all had at a caravan park. But it had no toilet and it was quite a walk to the outside ones. They thought it was great. Going to the toilet was a massive adventure for them. In all honesty....my dcs would moan at staying in a caravan with no toilet.

They had some stories to tell and they were all amazing.

My dcs won't have any of these stories to tell. Literally none. My dcs aren't even allowed to leave the front garden.

Dd is currently up in her room watching you tube. Ds is watching a film. They've only met up with their friends a handful of times this summer as everyone is abroad.

Just sat here thinking how times really have changed

P.s regarding the 'chuck them out after breakfast' comment - my grandma was ace, she was very set in her ways though. I remember staying at hers over night once and she made me stay in the garden all day and play. I remember thinking 'wtf am I supposed to do our here, I'm coming in when home and away is on at lunch time' so even I'm guilty of it lol

@SusannahL - my DD is 8 and she's totally brown from having been outside the whole summer. They play football, hide and seek and whatever else.
The door in our house is open so she can come and go as she pleases, get her friends in to play in the garden or play with them outside on the green. We go for long walks during the summer and only stay inside when the weather is so bad you wouldn't really enjoy it.
The only thing she would probably complain about is being deprived of her Nintendo DS which I am strictly limiting for her. In the evening we lie down together in bed and read books and talk about them till it's time to go to sleep.
Mind you, we are both working in IT and there's shitloads of technology around. But I don't want her to be glued to the telly or her console.

Senac I grew up in California with my British born-Irish Mum (who was in Birmingham during the war) and Dad who was a German Jewish refugee. So, both wartime kids.

Dad was far more on the ball and protective of us than mum, but working two shifts, often until 2am. He wasn’t aware, I realise, that our Mum just chucked us out and cracked on with her day while he was at work. I wonder if she was still in that ‘everyone looks after each other’ place that seemed prevalent in wartime Britain? Perhaps she just assumed that mentality was the norm- even in 70s/80s Los Angeles. She used to drop us off at the beach and leave us there alone to Boogie/body board all day. The Southern Californian Pacific is anything but passive. I wouldn’t ever leave my kids alone on any beach. Not because I’m a better mother either. It’s just common sense. My brother was rescued from drowning.

My mum was unquestionably depressed. She spent most of her day sleeping or out and about in the car. I don’t really know what she got up to. But I felt very alone. I had a fabulous imagination, thank heavens!

the general public simply weren't ready to accept that this stuff and much worse actually happened.

Wrong. The general public knew full well it happened, it has been happening as long as humans have been alive. What the general public weren’t (and in some cases still aren’t) ready to do was to confront the abusers.

That's true I was told off for making a fuss, when the priest actually fingered me!

@actualpuffins I completely agree. It doesn't have to be either total banishment to the outdoors or holed up in bedroom with a screen 24/7. My children play outside, play on screens, play loads of sport, go to the cinema etc etc and I like to think they will look back in their childhood as enjoyable! They would certainly hate to be told to spend the entire day outside day in, day out

clandestino sounds wonderful and like the right balance. They just need an eye kept on them, kiddies do.

Willow just because my experience was different to yours doesn’t mean I’m trying to “spoil” your memories. Good for you. The fact you are so defensive suggests that maybe you are aware that others around you weren’t so lucky.

Adults in general really didn’t care about bullying when I was growing up. It was either brushed off, you were told off for telling tales, or accused of bringing it on your own head. My parents were probably better than most, but in general adults (other parents and our teachers) just did not want to know.

I also know of a LOT of sexual assaults on kids in my generation and my DM’s. It really wasn’t all rosy.

Your title is misleading though. I was born in the 70s and in my mid 40s. I’m not a kid these days. I didn’t roam the streets after school or in the school holidays. We went to summer camps and played Nintendos. We were always accompanied when going out. I still have good memories of my childhood.

Just rose tinted glasses I think op

Things did happen back in the 70's, as they do now, although things are more widely reported these days. Certainly, where I was, there was a greater sense of community back then. Kids were out alone and adults, any adult, never thought twice about telling children off for doing something dangerous. Or asking where your mother lived and telling on you. It seems unusual for people to take much notice these days.

Don’t forget that a lot of the children today that are left to their own devices are the ones setting fire to fields, vandalising bus shelters, stealing from corner shops and general giving the police a load of hassle. Our local police force is putting regular updates on SM of what they’ve been up to that day, much of which is interrupting youths in the process of anti social or illegal behaviour and a reminder to know where your children are.

Yeah we all look back honour childhoods through a nostalgic mist. But it doesn't stop us seeing clearly the damage that much of today's technology is doing to childhood.

@TheVanguardSix - it may sound funny but we have drills on safety outside, i.e. cars, strangers talking to her. We keep stressing if someone approaches her and tells her something she doesn't feel comfortable with, to let us know immediately and not be ashamed or afraid we'd be mad at her.
We're not the ideal family but we try to maintain a balanced life, we spend enough time in front of our laptops during the week already. She has a very rich fantasy and we want to support it instead of just providing a quick fix through a tablet or a game console.

FWIW my kids don’t have any access to tech. And spend a huge amount of time outside. But they are always supervised appropriately. It’s not one or the other!!

It’s extremes, isn’t it? No child should be on their tablet from waking until sleeping. Just the same, they shouldn’t ever be roaming around unsupervised. A mix of play with friends, trips with family, playing alone in the garden, screen time, reading and toys.

I had a similar childhood to what you describe (90's/00's) parents were poor and didn't have masses of toys/games etc.

We would go out most days, not because we were chucked out, but that's what we wanted to. We spent hours exploring, playing with friends, riding bikes and climbing trees. I doubt our parents had a clue what we got up to, but we were well behaved and came home when we got hungry 😋

Assuming your children are teens, why don't you let them beyond the front door? They will never have the same childhood your dad did, but at least allow them to leave the house.

We did live very rurally, and we never got kidnapped, murdered to eaten by wild cows. I have every intention of allowing my ds parts of the same freedom that I had.

I'm 39 and mostly had that childhood. I wasn't "chucked out" I could stay home and read all day if I wanted. I often spent mornings watching children's tv, which was on until about 11 during summer holidays. Then out with friends until dinner in the early afternoon then back out playing until teatime. Then often back out again until bed-time. This was interspersed with accompanying parents shopping visits/family visits or on days out. Tbh, i'm not sure there was ever a better time in history to be a child than the 1980s as we had a really super mix of freedom to play independently while also having rooms full of toys and books and our enjoyment of just chilling out with them or the tv some times fully acknowledged and catered for too.

I do my absolute best for DS to have as much of that freedom as he can. He goes to forest school where he plays outside and learns through doing (which is obviously an insane privilege for us as a family). And in summer and at weekends I take him camping with friends a lot of the time, so he can head off and have adventures with them in a safe environment. He's only 5 but I have no issues with him playing out independently, when I can sit outside with my friends and keep an eye on him from a distance. At home I give him fairly unfettered access to his toys, and tv/youtube. Obviously I monitor the content but timewise he can watch whenever he chooses because he spends so much time out playing and doing other things. If he wants to have scooby-doo on in the background while he builds Lego, that's up to him.

I think it is a bit of rose tinted glasses here. I had a childhood like this and was miserable. I hated running around and biking etc and didn’t live near any of my friends. There was nothing to do and the big teenagers hung around in the parks so I avoided those. So I would take a book and sit outside, sometimes in the rain, until I was allowed back in.

I had a similar free range childhood although I could go home if I wanted to. Mostly though we went to whoever's house was nearest for toilet breaks and drinks (or whoever had the best squash!)

The nearest adults at any given time would also tell us off, put a plaster on a wound, comfort a crying child, etc. It really was more of a "takes a village" attitude then.

The thing is, some kids will always be neglected, happened then and happens now but it's behind closed doors. A girl I know was like this, but the other parents all kind of looked out for her, would invite her in for tea, pass on clothes etc.

Nothing is ever perfect, but I do think while we think we are keeping them safe by keeping them in, anti-bac ing every available surface, and "supervising" to within an inch of their lives we might not be keeping them safe in the longer term in the case of things like early death due to disease caused by sedentary lifestyles and not being a little bit "street wise" and able to look after themselves, and having no concept of how to keep themselves safe because they have never been allowed to take even a small risk.

My kids play out... not too far, but anything up to a mile away I’d say? They play in the trees making dens, go up to a bike track on their bikes etc. I’ll give them a few quid and they’ll get themselves lunch while they’re out, either from a shop or go to a cafe.. they’re 10 and 12. We live in town, but there are green spaces.

I don’t think they’re are any more dangers now than there ever were tbh, aside from traffic really. I’d hate to keep them cooped up.

I do insist on a fully charged mobile phone though, I don’t know if I could relax with no way of contacting them.. 😬

The Vanguard Six - thanks for you reply, interesting to hear about others from my generation. Where we lived most of the men were away in the forces, my Dad included. The women were mostly drafted into other war-related jobs.
Sad about your Mum though. I think Birmingham had a very tough time with all the bombing. I think all the fear affected me too, but not so seriously TG.

In the 90s we were encouraged to play out most of the summer (although woe betide if we were in late). We went on bike rides, camped out and had a variety of dens.
Our camping holidays involved splashing in streams and making rope swings.

We now live in suburbs but even here I see children playing out unsupervised and have come across a few dens in nearby woods. Hopefully our son will join in when he's older.

I hate these kind of things as it is very much remembering the good bits and forgetting the endless days of boredom and loneliness. Borderline bullying and that dodgy bloke that hung round the 'rec.

If you look at child mortality rates they have consistently fallen since the 1980's and are now at their lowest level. So yes, more of my friends in the 80's died than my DC's friends. I can't help thinking that's a good thing...?

I grew up in the 70's/80's and have nothing but wonderful memories of playing out every evening and all weekend. I certainly wasn't chucked out. Had boundaries - home for dinner etc. I'd hate to be a child now given that people seem to think there is a danger on every corner so kids can't just go out on their bikes for a few hours.

It is like a parallel universe on MN sometimes. Higher mortality rates? Look at the obesity crisis we have now. God knows the long-term implications of that. I remember one kid in my school that was overweight and stood out a mile. The rest of us were all lean and fit. And this was an average school.