To think kids miss out these days?

[jelly449]

Last week I went out with my dad for a meal. My aunt came too and I hasn't seen her for 6/7 years as she moved abroad.

Dad and aunty spent most of the night talking about what they got up too as kids. We're talking 1960's.

They honestly had the best childhood even though times were hard. They had no money - my grandad walked out on my grandma and she worked literally all the hours she could.

My grandma basically used to 'chuck them out after breakfast' - dads words - and him and my aunty wouldn't come home until tea time.

They spent the summer holidays playing in farmers fields, building dens, biking to here there and everywhere, waiting for the trains to pass etc. They even used to build their own dens and camp out on them in the middle of the woods. I'm guessing they were between the ages of 8 and 14/15. Dad started working at 14.

My aunty also mentioned the one holiday they all had at a caravan park. But it had no toilet and it was quite a walk to the outside ones. They thought it was great. Going to the toilet was a massive adventure for them. In all honesty....my dcs would moan at staying in a caravan with no toilet.

They had some stories to tell and they were all amazing.

My dcs won't have any of these stories to tell. Literally none. My dcs aren't even allowed to leave the front garden.

Dd is currently up in her room watching you tube. Ds is watching a film. They've only met up with their friends a handful of times this summer as everyone is abroad.

Just sat here thinking how times really have changed

P.s regarding the 'chuck them out after breakfast' comment - my grandma was ace, she was very set in her ways though. I remember staying at hers over night once and she made me stay in the garden all day and play. I remember thinking 'wtf am I supposed to do our here, I'm coming in when home and away is on at lunch time' so even I'm guilty of it lol

Clandestino your daughters school holiday sounds wonderful with a mix of activities. She also won't go short on vit D will she, as you mentioned how brown she is !

It's difficult though. I honestly don't know how I would act if mine were young now. I guess I would probably invite her friends round to play in the garden, then take it from there.

The fact you are so defensive suggests that maybe you are aware that others around you weren’t so lucky.
No sorry living in a small village everyone knew everyone. We all hung about together.

We also knew which house not to go into ( male on his own) as he was known for being too familiar with kids. It wasnt talked about much as nothing was done in those days but we were warned by parents.

I never said everyones childhood was rosy just that some people had great childhoods and people were trying to make out they didnt because of x, y and z (that actually did not affect everyone on this thread.) We cant change the fact others didnt have great childhoods just by not acknowledging we did.

And although my kids have had a similar childhood they were well versed in what to do if approached by people who tried to get them to go with them, etc, where they were allowed to go, how to behave and when to be back etc. In any case being a village its not hard to find them😀

I did these things in the 90s but lived in a village in the country. My children live in a city so will have a different, but still hopefully wonderful, experience.

@trancepants I’m the same age as you and I agree that the 1980s were an awesome time to be a kid. I lived in rural Sussex and a little group of us roamed around, accepting lemonade and cake from nice old ladies, making send and paddling in streams.

But I also watched a fair bit of Why dont You? pink panther etc and spent loads of time just sitting in front of the fire reading. Plus doing the playscheme in the school holiday mornings.

I have nothing but happy memories from my childhood and am trying to give my two boys a level of fun and freedom but it is harder these days because so few other children are around to play out with.

My DC have thanked me recently for taking them camping in France, where they had a lot more freedom than at home. And that involved walking to the Loos - they loved it.

But I (and they know) things which were pretty awful at the time do seem a lot better with retrospect.

I also know that as a child I had more times when I seriously worried that I was going to die than my DC ever have. There were feral dogs which used to roam in packs near my Aunts house. There were other children who would threaten or attack you. There was the time my little friends and I played on a building site where there were extremely deep excavations. There are times no one knew where I was and even without "bad men" who were certainly around I could easily have been injured and not found for a long time. (And as it was the 70s there were IRA bombs...mainly when I was older.)

making dens, not send.

It’s interesting as my dad remembers this and also remembers how everyone knewvsomeone who has had a child snatched and most of them had been flashed or had to run from adults. He also talks about how many child broke limbs and were killed by cars. He definitely thinks life is better today.

Gromance you do understand childhood mortality means children who die in childhood? Yep, childhood obesity is a problem but those CHILDREN aren’t going to die of it. It is certainly linked to disease in adulthood, but surely you can see you’re talking about a different issue.

I know almost no overweight children, and very few of those are allowed to play out without supervision. It’s perfectly possible for kids to have a healthy diet and plenty of exercise without being out playing over the rec eight hours a day...

Oh and I did get fingered in a barn a few times but it was fully consensual.

I do agree that times have changed but there is also a great deal of regional variation.

For example my childhood in the late 80s and 90s sounds remarkably similar to that of your dad and his sister. We weren't always chucked out of the house from dawn till dusk, but we often were. and we loved it. we had to come indoors when the street lights came on but often used to try to push that rule just to stay outside playing for longer. We played outdoors in all weathers, playing spy games, climbing trees, running in the fields and building dens. There were 5 of us who were friends and we used to play the Famous 5 quite a lot (the youngest was made to be Timmy the dog by virtue of being a bit of a burden) we would clamber onto our assorted vehicles, the eldest on a bike, another riding a skateboard tied to the bike by a skipping rope, me on a scooter and the 4th on a ride on tractor with the youngest in the tractor's trailer because she was too small to ride anything and could look after the picnic and away we'd go. of into the country side, across the fields, into the woods to other neighbouring villages, whatever we fancied. Imagining fanciful adventures along the way. We'd build trapezes and swings in the trees and the create our own circus routines. cuts,grazes,bumps, muddy knees and grass stains were all par for the course.

It wasn't that long ago ( I like to think) but being in a rural location I think still makes a difference. the kids around here will still play outside more than I think the urban kids do, and they are allowed further afield unaccompanied too.

Sounds neglectful to me.
She's lucky her kids weren't snatched / abused / injured etc.

My kids are in the garden all the time, they love being outside. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Mime was similar in the 90's. We would go out on our bikes and play around the village, play in the river, we would also walk to the neighbouring village and come back at tea time. I also got my first part time job at 13

ozgirl I hope you weren’t consenting to this at like 8 years old.

People had didn't all have the same lives even in the 60s. My dh grew up in London where there was more traffic in 1960 than when my own kids grew up in Southampton in the early 2000s and certainly more than where my greatnieces are growing up in Sweden today.

Dh was never allowed a bike because of the danger and certainly wasn't allowed to roam as a small child; he learnt to ride a bike as an adult. His children could have a lot more freedom than he could because of the different area, and the next generation, growing up in a different area, can have more freedom still.

I'm 33 and had the childhood you describe...it was shit. I longed to go to the swimming pool, cinema, anywhere just a nice day out or a holiday. My mother prioritised her sex life with a teenager when she was 34 and going places with him. I was known as the scab, the scruff etc. I spoil my children so much because of this. They don't play out, the wear the best, we have days out every day of the holidays. Multiple mini breaks and holidays a year. I'm the first to admit they have lots for birthdays and Christmas more than I've seen mentioned here ever. This all stems from the childhood I had. It was awful and I was so hungry and felt worthless and embarrassed.

I've asked my mother this question before (she was a 50s child/60s teenager) and it's true there was a sense of freedom and adventure but also so much tragedy. My mother told me about the horrific ways some children would die; drowning, railways, being run over but the one that sticks in my mind is her telling me kids used to play on building sites and climb into the bit of the tractor which "grabs" the dirt/sand etc and it closing shut on them. Those kids must have had such a tragic death being trapped in a tractor "claw" like that 😰

Those safety videos at school were the stuff of nightmares too!

So I think whilst it all sounds very famous five/secret seven, in reality I think there was a lot of hidden child abuse/danger/deaths.

Lots of malnutrition too. Men were MEN, the man of the house and what he says goes while women were often stuck in the house.

My mother also told me how her father was a drunk who was a womaniser and her mother just stuck with him because that what people did back then. When you hear people moaning about how couples give up marriage too easily nowadays when reality back then was women stuck with abusive, cheating assholes for fear of what the neighbours would say if she left him.

So there were some good bits to having the freedom in the 50s and 60s but by the sounds of it it wasn't all rosy with jam sandwiches and a bicycle!

I was intrigued by the children getting killed by cows comment, so had a quick Google, and according to this article: www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/cows-officially-the-most-deadly-large-animals-in-britain-a6727266.html%3famp

There weren't any children killed by cows in the first 15 years of this century. Phew!

Anyway, as pp's have said, I think it really depends on where you live. My children
play out and used to build dens etc, and now they're older (12 and 13) they will walk the 3 to 4 miles into town by themselves, get some lunch, play manhunt in the park with friends, go pier jumping, whatever, and then ring for a lift home. Who knows if I'd allow this if we lived elsewhere?

I grew up in the 70s and I only remember 2 children from school dieing. One had leukaemia and the other got run over on the way to school.

On a side note... is dieing really spelt like that?! It looks wrong but my autocorrect seems to be fine with it.

It's impossible to generalise; to say that 'kids miss out these days' is far too much a blanket statement.

Your family's reminiscences sound like the idyllic free range childhood (perhaps with a bit of rose-tinting?). Mine was free range/feral too but mostly spent shoplifting, drinking and fending off the many predatory older men who knew all the spots where kids like us could be found.

I don't think children necessarily miss out these days.

So far this Summer we've been on holiday all together, the kids have done sports camps the rest of the time so have been outside and making friends.

The final week we are all home together but will be doing days out, parks, walks, bike rides, swimming, making cakes, probably a theme park.

Yes there is a lot more organised activity, mine don't have as much freedom and my eldest isn't allowed further than the local shops, he will get more freedom as time goes on. The only reason mine don't play out is because they've no friends nearby.

My childhood was different in some ways but I don't think they've missed out.

This was my childhood as well OP and one i tried to emulate for my own dc, nothing has changed.
Why can't yours go through the gates and they won't be sat in their bedrooms if you don't allow it.

I grew up in the 1940 era,and things were quite harsh of course, Lots of the men gone away,and things at home quite bad, as in little money, food rations,make do with clothes, unless your Mum or Gran, was a sewing,or knitting lady. Cold houses,no TV of course, School holidays were all spent outside basically.We might have had some little wellies,but no waterproof clothes at all.

But not a rose tinted specs view at all, but in my view, the harshness of things then,gave me personally, a good perspective on many things for the future, as is how I am today.

Well there's a lot less racism now so I'm happy my kids are less likely to go through what I did as a child.

I think it's a balancing act. Some kids had too much freedom when I was a child, I didn't have enough as my grandparents were nervous (abusive parents and moved into GP's care at 7).

A lot of people think my kids have too much freedom. They play out, they have boundaries that are a bit further than some kids, but they're appropriate (I have twins who have different curfews/boundaries for example because one is sensible and quiet and the other has athe attention span of a goldfish).

Yes giving children freedom comes with risk, but you have to balance the risk. Having seen the way some people are with their 18yos I'm baffled. DS1 has friends who were allowed to do nothing and go nowhere, even as teenagers. Now they've all hit 18 they're 'adults' and allowed to do anything they want. And the parents are baffled that some have gone daft, and also some are "utterly clueless" - well yes, if they've never got on a train before by themselves it's not something they'll automatically know just because of a birthday.

I also think there is far far far too much emphasis now put on the age of the child. There seems to be a blanket 'rule' around here that children are allowed to play out at 7. And it doesn't seem to matter what kind of 7 year old they are. I find that baffling. Judge it on your child. If they're sensible and reliable at 6.5 that's fine, and if they're not then don't let them just because everyone else does it at 7!

My 11 & 12 year old have spent most of their summer building dens, playing at the park, making a tree swing, discovering new tracks on their bikes and just playing out around our village with their mates. My daughter even slept in a disco dome at her friends birthday sleepover! Some days they've been out from 9.30am - 6pm and only come back for a drink or something to eat!

My parents in the 90s were far too strict on me. I wasn't even allowed to play outside my house. As a teenager I was never allowed out with friends, never been to a sleep over and never had friends over to mine.

I am determined that my children have a happy childhood and one that is normal compared to their friends too. I used to be so embarrassed and upset that my friends would all be having fun together and I was never allowed. It has been hard to give them freedom at times but it's built upon trust and rules. If the rules are broken they won't be allowed out

Dying, struggling

Childhood obesity is a concern, I agree. Interestingly, that is also linked to poverty, as is neglect.