Mother has disowned me

[expectantmummy87]

Hi guys!

First time posting on here but really need some help and advice. I am 34 weeks pregnant with a little boy and excited to get started but also terrified.

Two weeks ago my mother decided that she wanted to be in the room with me for the birth. I hadn't planned on this and had been planning for it just to be me and DH. He feels very uncomfortable around my mother as she has very strong opinions about things and doesn't think he's good enough for me. I hesitated when she began talking about being in the room because I just want to relax, chill out, be with DH and I thought perhaps she could be in the hospital in case I DO need her in there at some point.

However, since I did not immediately whole heartedly agree with the utmost enthusiasm that she would be in the room; she has now decided to cut me, my husband and the new baby out of her life completely. She has cancelled a trip away that we were having, has ignored me for two weeks and says things like 'perhaps your husbands mother can be in the room with you'.

I am devastated as I am very scared about the birth and my options have been 'have me in the room or don't have me in your life at all'.

Can I do this without her? I am so scared. Did any of you have your mothers in the room? Have I really messed up here?

Thank you in advance for your advice

xox

I had only my mum in the room with me, but that's cause I wasn't with my h any longer and I wanted her there. She hated my exh and still does but continually asked me if I was sure, she wouldn't mind if I wanted him instead of her etc (I didn't!!) and it was great, but like pp have said, that's because it was what I wanted and I asked her to be. Sorry she is giving you such a hard time op. Congrats on your pregnancy and good luck with everything

I feel sorry for women with narc mums. My MIL is a serious narc and she has had a very negative effect on my SILs life IMO. My SIL is in her 40's and single, no DC. This is really not how she wanted her life to turn out as we had many conversations over the years about how many DC she wanted and she came across as very homely and maternal. She has had failed relationship after relationship as her DM never thought any of them were good enough and went NC with her until she dumped them.

She didn't really do this with my DH as thankfully she wrote him off as lost when he married me and focused all her attention on her DD and what her life was going to be like. When it started to look like she wasn't going to give her 4 DGC she started on our family but by then I was well aware of her behaviour and didn't take any shit of her. She is very low contact with us and won't do anything for us as a punishment but instead of being upset by this we are grateful.

In fact, watching her and the way she treats her DD and how it has affected my SIL's self confidence and her life it has made me very wary of what I say to my DC and how I treat them.

Well done OP for standing up for yourself. Stay strong and remember that this behaviour (and likely much of your mum's behaviour) is not normal and not healthy.

I'm 99% sure my mother has a personality disorder, and it sounds like yours does too. When you become and adult yourself and look back on some of the things that went on, you realise how messed up it was as you'd never dream of treating a child that way. It's part of coming out of the fog.

Definitely look up the website 'daughters of narcissistic mothers' and go for counselling. You need to build yourself up and set boundaries to protect yourself and your new family.