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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to post Dsis her kids back and ruin her holiday?

433 replies

Santasjinglebelle · 15/08/2018 22:21

WTAF to do?
Agreed to have niece (8) and nephew (7) over to stay for a while so Dsis and hubby can attend destination wedding/ first holiday without kids in tow.
Last time they were here I put them both in pyjamas pants as I know that they're prone to accidents and I just don't have the time or energy (or inclination to be frank) to keep up with the additional laundry.
Dniece pipped up earlier to tell me me that neither of them will be wearing pyjama pants this time round as their mummy told them not to.
Thinking they must have misheard, I call Dsis to get her to speak with them. Dsis proceeds to berate me for wanting to "humiliate" her children. Apparently pyjamas pants encourage bedwetting by infantilise slow developers - better to let them feel uncomfortable in their own piss and learn the hard way.
Before I could get out any kind of response she fobbed me off with some shite about a dodgy line and hung up!!
WTF am I supposed to do? They went to bed at 8pm and used the toilet first but I've just changed nephew's sheets! Another 8 nights of this makes me want to weep.
No other relatives near enough to pawn off on, niece is adamant, nephew does what his sister says and Dsis not answering phone anymore.
Hubby's response (he was joking) "try Easy jet." But now I'm seriously considering this, WIBU?

OP posts:
Breakfastofmilk · 17/08/2018 21:48

We used to layer his bed with waterproof sheet, sheet, waterproof sheet, sheet etc. About 4 layers so all we had to do when he was wet was to whip off a layer and put it in washing basket. Then all could be washed in the morning. No way would I have shamed him by making him change bed, or leaving him in it. Also he decided just to wear a pyjama top so that made things quicker and easier.

They have a choice, they can wear pyjama pants like they did the last time they stayed with the OP,then no-one would need to change sheets. They and their DM are the people insisting that they're "too old" for pyjama pants. I'm sure if after a night or two they decide its too hard to change sheets in the night the OP will happily supply some pyjama PANTS.

Breakfastofmilk · 17/08/2018 21:50

No idea where that capitalisation came from, apparently my phone feels strongly about PANTS Grin

emmyrose2000 · 18/08/2018 03:46

I personally wouldn’t give a shiny shit if it was passive aggressive to give her the sheets back. The sister is a cheeky fucker of the highest order forbidding the children to wear incontinence protection when staying over at someone else’s house - and that’s what it is imo - for the eldest at least its a medical issue. Not only that but she didn’t prewarn her sister beforehand (presumably as she’d never have agreed to the disgusting and time consuming request of constantly dealing with the soiled bedding) nor did she provide her with anything to protect the beds
The kids deserve to be pitied and dealt with kindly but I’d be pulling no punches with the sister. And babysitting days would be over

Agreed.

I know/knew a few children who still wet the bed well into late primary. The parents always made sure to send appropriate equipment during sleepovers/camps etc, so it was no big deal.

However, if they'd refused to do so, as in the OP's sister's case, then the parents would have been very plainly spoken to by whomever was in charge at the time and the children would not have been allowed to attend. That may have been unfair to the child, but the parents need to take full responsibility for ensuring their child/ren have everything they need for a successful sleepover.

Santaclarita · 18/08/2018 06:38

I think the mother sounds more into humiliating her kids than the op. She is happy for them to learn the hard way and sleep in piss. That's just cruel.

Use the pants. Ignore her.

Original poster
Santasjinglebelle · 26/08/2018 12:50

Mumsnetters - your suggestions have saved my sanity - every single night has brought wet sheets for at least one, sometimes both, dniece and dnephew.

Dsis and BIL were due to collect the kids on Friday but were so late getting in that they ended up collecting last night, thankfully before bedtime. Despite bringing over all the kids' own sheets from their home, we still ran out so I had to wash some sheets eventually.
Ended up booking two service washes at the local laundrette instead. I always do our duvets there so they know me well and agreed to payment on collection of the second load - which Dsis will do. Arranged it like this because I knew she'd never pay me back if I just sorted the bill.

However, I now really really wish I hadn't bothered. Friday night's sheets were also soiled (both), so I bagged those and added it to their stuff. Dsis face when I told her was a picture. Apparently that's disgusting and I could just have stuck them in the machine ffs. "When children are in your care, that's includes their laundry."

OP posts:
JacNaylor · 26/08/2018 12:59

Your sister is a massive cf, I hope you explained to her that you won't be having them to stay again any time soon since she's taken advantage of you so badly?

honeylulu · 26/08/2018 13:01

OMG!!!
She told you it was disgusting to expect her to deal with the shitty sheets!!! But ok for you!?! Words fail me ...
Well done for collecting sheets from their house. That was a great move.
No more babysitting ever, hey?
What a CF!!!

PrimalLass · 26/08/2018 13:20

I guess they won't be in your car again then. She's a nightmare.

OliviaPopeRules · 26/08/2018 13:29

Also, I know this isn’t a thread mainly about car seat safety but rearward facing until around 4 is about 5 times safer than having your child forward facing. The research Is staggering and quite frankly I’ve no idea why these recommendations aren’t enforced and made law yet here in the UK. I’d much prefer my child to be bored looking at the back of the seat than the alternative.

Again this is not true and for someone who supposedly researched it I'm surprised you quote this. The strain on their neck is 5 times less in certain situations, they are not 5 times safer. Also this research is only related to children under 2 so if your 3 year old is over 18kg the difference is minimal and I imagine he must be very uncomfortable in a rear facing seat.

OliviaPopeRules · 26/08/2018 13:31

Sorry wrong thread!
But for the records your sister is the cheekiest fucker I have heard of in a while

PrimalLass · 26/08/2018 13:35

*care not car

Callaird · 26/08/2018 14:07

If they only wake once each, that’s two sets of bedding to wash daily, probably more like 3. 8 days that’s 16 lots of bedding and pyjamas, most machines will only hold one full set of bedding per load, this means OP will be doing 20-24 loads of washing in a week! Sod that!

I’m glad you are making your niece and nephew strip and remake their beds but I would also get them to put their bedding in the washing machine everyday too. The stench will be appalling and you’ll not get the smell out of your nose/house for months!!

TheMythOfFingerprints · 26/08/2018 14:17

The ignorant arseholes on this thread are EXACTLY why so many of you didn't realise regular bedwetting is an issue beyond the age of 2/3.

The fear of being open and it being assumed that you or dc are lazy, or thick, or both.

Lisabel · 26/08/2018 14:20

Explain to them that it's not about being mean it's just that you don't have enough washing powder or liquid to wash lots of sheets.

It's not about being badly behaved though- some kids have a genetic propensity to wet the bed particularly when feeling slightly stressed (which they will be even if they love you because they're away from their parents for quite a while). My family have never had this problem but I had a cousin who bed wet until 7.

Lisabel · 26/08/2018 14:21

Oh another option is to wake them both twice in the night to go to the loo but not sure if that would work.

Breakfastofmilk · 26/08/2018 14:21

"When children are in your care, that's includes their laundry."

Bloody hell she's got a cheek. I think the easy answer to that is that they won't be in your care again. You were doing her a massive favour looking after two kids for 8 days (plus an extra day!) and this how she shows her gratitude.

PorkFlute · 26/08/2018 14:34

Well good luck to her finding anyone else prepared to let her children piss all over their beds. I suspect her days of jetting off child free are over.
What is disgusting is foisting 2 children who aren’t toilet trained on you without warning or any way of protecting your property from being urinated on.

Onthebrink87 · 26/08/2018 15:31

There was always gonna be one dick who's child slid out and asked for the directions to the closest lavatory Hmm

CripsSandwiches · 26/08/2018 15:39

She's a massive CF. If someone looked after my kids for that long I'd be buying them meals, chocolates and wine and my eternal gratitude not begrudging doing my own kids' laundry.

crosstalk · 26/08/2018 16:09

Santa are you still speaking to your sister? Have you pointed out that she should have warned you? "taking care of children's laundry when they're in your care" is great when it's the usual run of clothes - but not sheets every night and sometimes twice. Have you passed on the collective wisdom of mumsnet re doctors/medication? Did the kids have a good time despite .... and has she or her DP thanked you? Like PPs have said, that's the last holiday they'll have without kids for a good long while .....

CrystalMazing · 26/08/2018 16:23

Speechless that she expected you to babysit for that long full stop. Never mind the other issues. Cheeky fucked indeed.

CrystalMazing · 26/08/2018 16:23

Fucker

kayaking · 26/08/2018 16:57

Did you bill her for new mattresses for your spare beds?

redexpat · 26/08/2018 16:58

Oh well I guess you wont ever be asked to care for her children again. Shucks.

I wonder what her AIBU post would look like?

SarfE4sticated · 26/08/2018 17:22

What did you end up doing OP did you use the pads to protect your mattress? How were the children every morning? It must have been awful all round tbh.