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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to post Dsis her kids back and ruin her holiday?

433 replies

Santasjinglebelle · 15/08/2018 22:21

WTAF to do?
Agreed to have niece (8) and nephew (7) over to stay for a while so Dsis and hubby can attend destination wedding/ first holiday without kids in tow.
Last time they were here I put them both in pyjamas pants as I know that they're prone to accidents and I just don't have the time or energy (or inclination to be frank) to keep up with the additional laundry.
Dniece pipped up earlier to tell me me that neither of them will be wearing pyjama pants this time round as their mummy told them not to.
Thinking they must have misheard, I call Dsis to get her to speak with them. Dsis proceeds to berate me for wanting to "humiliate" her children. Apparently pyjamas pants encourage bedwetting by infantilise slow developers - better to let them feel uncomfortable in their own piss and learn the hard way.
Before I could get out any kind of response she fobbed me off with some shite about a dodgy line and hung up!!
WTF am I supposed to do? They went to bed at 8pm and used the toilet first but I've just changed nephew's sheets! Another 8 nights of this makes me want to weep.
No other relatives near enough to pawn off on, niece is adamant, nephew does what his sister says and Dsis not answering phone anymore.
Hubby's response (he was joking) "try Easy jet." But now I'm seriously considering this, WIBU?

OP posts:

OnlyToWin · 16/08/2018 22:37

One of mine was dry day and night at two years old. The other one trained quickly during the day, at two years old, but only became dry at night halfway through Year Five. We did not seek any medical advice as we knew it was a matter of a hormone kicking in. There was no steady process towards nighttime dryness. She went from sopping wet pj pants to completely dry overnight and has never wet the bed since. We used pj pants as did not want her sleep disturbed by waking in a wet bed.

Makes me feel quite sad that if some people had known about this they would have perceived her as lazy and me as an incompetent mother. Hormone production can’t be trained! It also isn’t a sign of intelligence or lack of it.

london1971 · 16/08/2018 22:39

Schaden thank you, glory is shared with thanks. Hope op found enough sheets.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/08/2018 22:48

How can they be “too old” for pyjama pants when they’re still wetting the bed? How is waking up in a piss soaked bed (and in someone else’s house, at that) less humiliating than wearing pj pants?
That’s insane

Topsyshair · 16/08/2018 22:59

Mini you didn't know all that when you said what you said. You said that you suspected that as the sister has two bed setters you suspect that she's just lazy.

You say that you do all of that to manage your dds bed wetting yet she still sets the bed every single night.

I'm no expert on this subject but wouldn't it be easier to just accept that some children aren't ready to be dry, put them in pull ups until it happens naturally? Which it will providing there are no underlying medical conditions.

whattimeislove · 16/08/2018 23:09

Something to consider. We tried all the pyjama pants etc going & ours weed right through them. Waste of money & still wet sheets by morning.

CurcubitaPepo · 16/08/2018 23:21

Your sil would be better off getting referred to the continence service.

They can prescribe the hormone. Usually this takes a couple of doses to see a result if that’s the issue.

I get The idea of what she’s doing, he idea is is that eventually the kids will wake up just before the event. Lots of people do as she is doing, but if this is going on long term I’m not sure they’re ready for it. She might probably be better Using an alarm as it will wake the kids at the first sign of fluid.

I think you’re being a saint over this and I still can’t believe it wasn’t mentioned beforehand.

MissVanjie · 16/08/2018 23:27

what will you say to your Dsis's children, op, when they ask why you have a binbag full of pissy bedding? will you and lol and say 'I'm saving it up to teach your mum a lesson'? will you tell them upfront they won't be welcome to stay at yours again, or just not bother having them back? that'll really help their self esteem when they're already struggling with a medical condition that comes with a huge stigma and significant amount of dimwitted ill informed prejudice.

I agree that your dsis has not acted very well, and she should have just let you put them in pj pants. but it seems like a huge amount of effort to go to (going and getting two mattresses plus two entire sets of bedding, taking them off the beds at yours - btw what have you done with the mattresses of yours that were on the beds? - saving up a stinking binliner of pissed bedding) vs just going and getting some pyjama pants and telling the dc to wear them that I am now thinking one of two things is going on here. A) you genuinely are this much of a messy bitch who lives for drama or B) this thread is wall to wall bollocks and you're either the piss pervert or desperate to get in the mn classics CF hall of things that never happened fame.

piss zilla anyone?

Original poster

Santasjinglebelle · 16/08/2018 23:54

@MissVanjie, how was the wedding?

OP posts:

MissVanjie · 16/08/2018 23:59

???

I get it, you haven't fully considered what it's like for little children to suffer continence problems and be stigmatised and laughed at. you probably don't have a lot of empathy. cool.

JynxaSmoochum · 17/08/2018 00:25

I've encountered plenty of 10 year olds on residentials that still need pull ups and some kind of strategy involving night time continence. Not a problem. We just plead that parents let us know so we can manage it discretely and hygienicly. What we don't want is the OP's DSis types that seem to just hope it won't be an issue. Discovering that a child does have an issue by walking in the room and smelling their sodden sleeping bag and dealing with clothes hidden in embarrasment is not good for the leaders and not good for the child. DSis has been completely unfair on everyone else involved.

Despite initiating toilet training himself by 2.5, DS2 remains a user of pull ups at 5. His older sibling toilet trained at 3 and was reliably dry at night some months later. They're just different children. I'm open with the DCs that sometimes it takes longer for a body to learn it when asleep, and that's normal. I won't hold him back from beaver camps etc. If we seem to have a drier phase, I'll sometimes try going without, but anything away from home involves pull ups to protect bedding and dignity. It's not a secret, but I doubt many people would expect DS to have an issue with it, and likewise, his peers haven't advertised it either.

RubiksQueen · 17/08/2018 08:19

The OP hasn't said she's going to force the kids to wear pyjama pants.

Sorry but I wouldn't have two incontinent children in my house for 8 days to stay. I don't have the washing facilities for that nor the bedding and neither did the OP as she had to go and get it all from the children's home. I physically wouldn't have anywhere to dry that amount of washing and my water bill would be through the roof.

It's not being unreasonable to not want your mattresses ruined. It's not being unreasonable to not want to have to deal with wee every day when you weren't warned or consulted about it first! The DSis is a massive CF and that's more the issue here than whether the children were dry or not.

But no I wouldn't be volunteering to have them stay again. But then I don't see 'sleepovers' as a massive right or thing a child must do or they are horribly deprived.

MachineBee · 17/08/2018 10:19

I hope you are managing to enjoy your DNs stay with you despite this unnecessary issue caused by your DSis.

Original poster

Santasjinglebelle · 17/08/2018 11:54

For me the additional laundry, drying and lack of sleep (I can never get back to sleep when woken) were the only down sides to this visit.

Now that both children have a pile of spare sheets and pyjamas, I'm free to enjoy their company. The only difference for them is that they'll be changing their sheets alone (dsis was doing it for them throughout the night). They have no idea the sheets are going from laundry basket to a bin bag in the garage and they don't need to.

Thank you to all those who gave sensible and practical advice - I was genuinely at a loss for how to cope without forcing the children to disobey their mother or running myself into the ground.

Even better is the fact that Dsis still won't discuss the issue so I've had no chance to warn her about the sheets......

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 17/08/2018 12:08

You're not going to save up ALL the sheets and PJ's, are you?

I mean, I understand you not wanting to be washing night and day, and getting up in the night, but I would certainly stick a couple of loads of washing on during the week.

Not wanting to wash constantly every day = OK.
Not washing any of the sheets at all = passive aggressive.

Imo.

fuzzywuzzy · 17/08/2018 12:14

To be fair I’d do exactly as OP has.

She’s doing her sister a huge favour and her sister is in turn trying to make OP’s life difficult.

There’s nothing wrong in putting a child who’s not dry in up pants/pyjama pants.

Expecting OP to suck it up and have ruined bed mattresses & tons of laundry with no forewarning is massively cheeky fucker territory.

One of my DC took ages to become dry at night, no problem we had up pants and washable waterproof mattress liners.

Would I expect anyone else to allow my dc to soil their beds and get up several times in the night to change bedsheets etc. NO.

Crack on OP. Altho if the kids start to run low on pjs maybe one or two laundry runs may have to be done.

Your sister is a cheeky cow.

PorkFlute · 17/08/2018 12:19

I personally wouldn’t give a shiny shit if it was passive aggressive to give her the sheets back. The sister is a cheeky fucker of the highest order forbidding the children to wear incontinence protection when staying over at someone else’s house - and that’s what it is imo - for the eldest at least its a medical issue. Not only that but she didn’t prewarn her sister beforehand (presumably as she’d never have agreed to the disgusting and time consuming request of constantly dealing with the soiled bedding) nor did she provide her with anything to protect the beds.
The kids deserve to be pitied and dealt with kindly but I’d be pulling no punches with the sister. And babysitting days would be over.

Breakfastofmilk · 17/08/2018 12:24

You're not going to save up ALL the sheets and PJ's, are you?

Why on earth shouldn't she? She was already doing her DSis a huge favour by having the kids to stay, DSis then landed her with a massive amount of extra work without even having the courtesy to warn her and refused to discuss it when OP wasn't happy.

If you ask me the DSis is getting off lightly just having to wash the sheets but hopefully she'll think before being such an inconsiderate arse in the future.

Ghanagirl · 17/08/2018 12:44

RoseWhiteTips

My 2 year old niece is not even wearing nappies for bedtime. I know she is advanced but I imagine plenty of children have been similarly successfully trained.
If you’re linking intellect to bed wetting I’m presume you’re still in pull ups...

GlitterRollerSkate · 17/08/2018 13:08

@Ghanagirl well said

IceCreamFace · 17/08/2018 13:12

The only lack of intelligence going on is from the people making those accusations. It's obvious that very few children above the age of 5 would wet the bed deliberately or through laziness. The vast majority of us, me included whose children don't wet the bed didn't do anything to train them. We just noticed that they don't wee in the night. If my 7 year old did wet the bed routinely I'd much rather let him wear night time nappies (or whatever the correct name is) than deprive him of water or disturb his sleep by waking him in the night.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/08/2018 13:19

If you’re linking intellect to bed wetting I’m presume you’re still in pull ups...

Ghanagirl

amicissimma · 17/08/2018 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShumpaLumpa · 17/08/2018 13:25

So are all the spare sheets from sis's house?

What about the mattresses? Are they getting wet every night?

NorthernSpirit · 17/08/2018 13:27

They are 8 & 7, they shouldn’t be wetting the bed.

That aside, since when did a 8 & 7 year old child dictate to an adult? They have told you they won’t be wearing pyjama pants? Sorry, you’re the adult, you’re in charge. If you say they wear the pants, they wear the pants. Or they stay dry at night!

Reader1303 · 17/08/2018 13:37

@NorthernSpirit

Good grief, do some of you think that children - even older children - wet the bed intentionally?

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