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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to post Dsis her kids back and ruin her holiday?

433 replies

Santasjinglebelle · 15/08/2018 22:21

WTAF to do?
Agreed to have niece (8) and nephew (7) over to stay for a while so Dsis and hubby can attend destination wedding/ first holiday without kids in tow.
Last time they were here I put them both in pyjamas pants as I know that they're prone to accidents and I just don't have the time or energy (or inclination to be frank) to keep up with the additional laundry.
Dniece pipped up earlier to tell me me that neither of them will be wearing pyjama pants this time round as their mummy told them not to.
Thinking they must have misheard, I call Dsis to get her to speak with them. Dsis proceeds to berate me for wanting to "humiliate" her children. Apparently pyjamas pants encourage bedwetting by infantilise slow developers - better to let them feel uncomfortable in their own piss and learn the hard way.
Before I could get out any kind of response she fobbed me off with some shite about a dodgy line and hung up!!
WTF am I supposed to do? They went to bed at 8pm and used the toilet first but I've just changed nephew's sheets! Another 8 nights of this makes me want to weep.
No other relatives near enough to pawn off on, niece is adamant, nephew does what his sister says and Dsis not answering phone anymore.
Hubby's response (he was joking) "try Easy jet." But now I'm seriously considering this, WIBU?

OP posts:
SendintheArdwolves · 15/08/2018 22:34

How would you treat your own kids on this situation?

The kids are unlikely to be wetting the bed out of laziness/stupidity, so being "harsh" with them isn't going to help.

If they wet the bed, don't tell them off. Supervise them while they strip the bed, remake it, put the sheets in the machine, hang them up, fold them and put them away.

This isn't a punishment and they aren't in trouble. They just have to help with the consequences.

I feel sorry for these kids. Their mum seems like she can't be arsed with helping them deal with their bedwetting.

Singlenotsingle · 15/08/2018 22:35

Tell dneice that either they wear pull ups or they can sleep in the bath! Grin OR no sheets, just a plastic sheet on the beds.

MoonlightandMusic · 15/08/2018 22:37

What 3boys said - I used that method with mine when they wanted to be 'grown up' but weren't really able to avoid night-time accidents.

That way the children feel comfortable they are doing as their mother told them and you don't have fifty million washes to do.

RebootYourEngine · 15/08/2018 22:37

I would get waterproof mattress covers, duvets covers and pillow covers. I would also buy bed mats.

Is your sister trying to help them stay dry at night?

upsideup · 15/08/2018 22:38

Well if the niece hasnt wet the bed then she doesnt need to be in one but if nephew does it again just buy them for him.

BathroomLights · 15/08/2018 22:39

Theyre your mattresses, just tell them they are wearing pull ups.

Your sister is a stupid ass for not discussing it with you.

Knitjob · 15/08/2018 22:39

They went to bed at 8pm and used the toilet first but I've just changed nephew's sheets

Do you mean he's had an accident already?

That's hard. Have you been able to figure out what their mum does at home? Surely she can't change 2 or 3 lots of sheets every night? And if she does, it was really unfair of her not to warn you, or send round a pile of sheets and duvet covers. I wouldn't have enough sheets to change them that often!

youarenotkiddingme · 15/08/2018 22:40

Dh response was very quick witted and funny!

Can you get some absorbent bedsheets (incl sheets) for them to sleep on? That way you don't have wet bedding but also aren't making your niece and nephew feel caught up in this?

C0untDucku1a · 15/08/2018 22:41

The 8 yr old should have seen the gp / school nurse by now.

Get the disposable bed sheets.

daphine2004 · 15/08/2018 22:43

That is a bit of a predicament and I can see both sides. I think putting them in the pants might be setting yourself up to fail as they’d likely take them off when you leave the room.

As a suggestion, you could limit their fluid intake for a period o time before bed which might help reduce the risk of accidents.

In addition to this, I’d buy dry nite bed sheets/mats which stick under the bottom cover, so when an accident occurs it’s not going through to he mattress. They don’t rustle and very discreet so that they wouldn’t know that they’re there.

If you’re using the dry night mats, you could layer up the bedding - dry mat on top of mattress/mattress protector and then bottom sheet. Put another mat on top of that bottom sheet and a fresh bottom sheet on the top (if that makes sense). In the event of an accident whip off the first bottom sheet and soiled mat, but doesn’t need a full bed remaking as is already done.

Good luck for the week ahead.

DownstairsMixUp · 15/08/2018 22:44

I would also text from husbands phone, change the name to aunts name and show the kids that they can wear the pants.

cheaperthebetter · 15/08/2018 22:45

You can buy disposable bed sheet pad things from Asda / Tesco , you simply put them on the mattress roughly were their going to pee put sheet over or piss mattress protector.

Like one has said post them through her letter box and let her house stink off piss!

Dollymixture22 · 15/08/2018 22:45

Poor kids - it’s a medical condition and not their fault. The gp can perscribe tablets which can treat this.

Please be kind to the kids - I still hold huge resentment to an aunt who was mean to me thirty years ago!

Maybe the kids hate the pull ups. Ask them what they want to do

HotblackDesiatoto · 15/08/2018 22:46

If they refuse to be sensible ( they shouldn’t be wetting the bed at those ages)
It's not about being sensible, they can't help it. Hmm

newcastlefcsuperfan · 15/08/2018 22:47

So are the kids still regular bed setters, or is it more of an occasional accident / possibly not being at home issue? If it's the second, then I'd get some bed mats and keep my fingers crossed. If it's the first, then your sister is being very unreasonable unless she's discussed this with you before she went, and has checked you're happy to manage regular night time wetting. A conversation for tomorrow, I feel!

Dollymixture22 · 15/08/2018 22:48

Oh and don’t babysit again! It doesn’t sound like you particularly like your sister or her children

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 15/08/2018 22:49

You are in charge of them, tell them they are wearing them.

chillpizza · 15/08/2018 22:51

I can’t believe it’s Normal to wet the bed at 7/8 years old. Poor kids and person who owns the beds surely more help should be available to them than sucking it up? I would get some inco pads/Puppy pads for between the bed sheet and mattress.

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/08/2018 22:59

Yes all children are dry at diff times tho 7/8 is old

Fine to see a doctor tho have to be with mum

You can get alarms to sound when moisture hits them to then wake then up and go for a wee

What does mum do? Wash sheets every night or arevthey almost dry and odd accident - hence pull up pants will take them back a stage

This should have been discussed before hand and agree a week is a long time for a wedding - tho guess bey are having a child free holiday as well

But lots of disposable bed sheets under mattress and wee before before bed and wake as you go to bed

Very annoying but not kids fault

Thesearepearls · 15/08/2018 23:00

There's a serious concern about bedwetting at these ages

Mine were both dry at night by 2

What's going on? There's a serious issue here. I suspect your DSIL's comments are not the half of it.

Have there been any issues about dysfunctional families? Is there any social services involvement? Are there any psychological issues?

What's going on OP?

PurpleCrowbar · 15/08/2018 23:00

I would layer the beds (plastic layer, old towel, sheet, repeat) so you don't have to change them as such at stupid o'clock at night - whisk the soggy stuff off, & yes, make them help.

I'd also be sitting them down, explaining that it's perfectly ok to wear pyjama pants when you're staying at someone else's house, just in case. I'd be offering bribes.

& once my sister got back, I would be really quite furious with her. It's not on.

I had late bedwetters, & it was always worse in strange houses/change of routine. All 3 of my dc cheerfully got on with 'emergency pants for grandma's house' without fuss - it was just agreed that anyone can have an accident, no big deal, not fair on poor grandma...

In fact I'm pretty sure my 3 believed their dad & I were wearing them at grandma's too Wink.

Squidgee · 15/08/2018 23:01

I would tell them my house, my rules, put pants on and your sister can go fuck herself.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 15/08/2018 23:04

NHS guidelines have recently changed (here at least) so that intervention (meds, alarms etc) aren’t prescribed until 10yo.

My DD was 8 and desmopressin worked within a few days. DS2 is nearly seven and only started waking up dry two weeks ago. DS1 potty trained himself day and night instantly aged 2.5. All kids are different and 7/8 is still well within normal parameters.

All that aside, it’s your house and so they need to wear pj pants. Don’t shame them, don’t make a big deal of it, just say that’s the rule.

Also wee, teeth, wee just before bed is crucial. And no drinks except water after 6pm, but plenty throughout the day.

bertielab · 15/08/2018 23:05

I think I would text and say .........

Dear *

This is really not acceptable. It is 2 hours after I put them to bed and they have already soiled one set of sheets -it's not far on them and it is far from fair on me -who is trying to help you. I can not do 8 nights or this and neither can they.

Your choices are simple:

  1. Tomorrow if we haven't heard from you, I will fly * and * out to where you are (is this feasible -do you have passports for them -you will have to take them with you on the plane) OR
  2. You will insist on the phone the them that bed pants is best whilst they are away from home -you will also apologise to me for leaving me if this situation
Eloisedublin123 · 15/08/2018 23:05

Thank v old to be having accidents. Poor kids. Poor u too