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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend bringing up what I did on a park bench as a teenager

189 replies

Iswallowtoothpaste · 15/08/2018 22:00

My friend has been going through a bit of a shit time recently. Her best friend who also lived with her moved away and another male friend whom she thought she was getting close to has turned round and said he has no romantic feelings towards her whatsoever after leading her on for months.

She’s helped us out with the kids a couple of times in the past, nothing major, the odd night babysitting etc. She’s always been a good listener however there have been a couple of instances over the last couple of years where it’s apparent that she likes to shout her mouth off at times.

The latest instance, which I’m fairly pissed off about happened last weekend.

Myself, OH, DSD (8) and DD (5) decides that we’d go to Pizza Hut as a treat and we invited my friend along too.

During the meal, DSD said that she needed to go to the toilet so I took her and when I came back my friend had a face like a slapped arse. I thought OH had perhaps said something to piss her off or that she’d taken the wrong way but he seemed oblivious to anything.

My friend then starts reminiscing about when we were teenagers, nights out, drunken antics etc. Fine, we were younger once, I’ve got nothing to hide. Until she decides to drop the ‘just what were you and ‘X’ doing on that bench in the park.’

Yeah, apart from that. OH knows about all 3 of the people I’ve had sex with (including him) but kissing, canoodling and the odd grope on a park bench, I never bothered mentioning because it never seemed important. I was quite shocked, she must’ve been able to see that I was willing her to STFU by this point. Not just because of OH but also because of the fact that DC’s were listening and present.

The rest of the meal was pretty awkward, we sat there in silence, paid and went home. OH never said a word to me in the car on the way home then once I’d put the kids to bed started to question me on what exactly had happened on a park bench 9 years ago when I was 18. So I told him, nothing too explicit, quick snog and a feel. That was it. No bumping of uglies, fully clothed, nicely intoxicated.

He then went on to say that when myself and DSD went to the toilet, he’d said to my friend that he needed to go ring shopping with her (so that he could pick an engagement ring for me - he wouldn’t know where to start, hence asking my friend)

So anyway, surprise ruined. Thanks. I just think that the timing was a bit uncanny - she decides to bring up the park bench after OH mentions going ring shopping and asking for her help.

Pretty fucked off with her to be honest, feel as though it was an attempt to put a wedge between myself and OH.

AIBU to keep her at arms length?

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 15/08/2018 22:02

She was a dick, but the main problem here seems to be your DP!

Tiredtomybones · 15/08/2018 22:02

Yanbu.

argumentativefeminist · 15/08/2018 22:02

I couldn't be her friend after this if she wasn't immediately mortified and remorseful. But I feel we're also lacking detail on how your OH reacted, because to me he's not coming off very well either...

Casmama · 15/08/2018 22:03

No YANBU at all. She sounds difficult to say the least- totally inappropriate behaviour.

Twooter · 15/08/2018 22:04

Personally I would hate the thought of a friend going shopping for my engagement ring. You might be friends - it doesn’t mean you have the same taste, and any fallout with the friend may affect how you feel about the ring. Why couldn’t he have just gone himself?.

Sunshineface123 · 15/08/2018 22:05

Wow some mate!! I'd tell her exactly why you were annoyed. Your OH certainly could've handled it better though. Why was he questioning you on it? I'm surprised he didn't just think she was being weird and inappropriate.

9amTrain · 15/08/2018 22:05

They're both dicks! Tell them to get a grip.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/08/2018 22:06

YANBU. What a bitch. Your DP must have liked and trusted her enough to mention ring shopping and she was weird and childish and completely inappropriate talking like that in front of a 5 year old!

He has no right to judge you on anything in your past btw. It’s your life, your past, and you don’t need to justify or apologise for anything. He had a child with someone else, you’ve clearly embraced that, so not sure why he’s stropping about you snogging on a bench with someone as a teen before you knew him.

She’s jealous and being nasty. Steer clear and tell DP to discuss engagement plans with you, not other people.

thaegumathteth · 15/08/2018 22:06

Why would your DP care what you were doing on a park bench 9 years ago?

Your friend sounds like a stirrer but wtf re your dh.

Dollymixture22 · 15/08/2018 22:07

She sounds very immature. And very unhappy. I5 was an inappropriate conversation in front of children. Your OH however should have been secure enough to laugh it off.

There’s not much affection for her in your post. Doesn’t seem like you would miss her much. Keep in touch if you want - but maybe not include her in family events.

HollowTalk · 15/08/2018 22:07

She sounds as though she's got a screw loose. Why the hell would she bring up that a) in front of children and b) in front of your partner, ffs?

Iswallowtoothpaste · 15/08/2018 22:08

He was fine to be honest. I think he was waiting for me to say something and I was absolutely bubbling inside so didn’t say anything myself. He could probably sense that.

As soon as I told him what had happened he said he wasn’t arsed but was surprised that said friend had brought something like that up.

OP posts:
Pinkvoid · 15/08/2018 22:08

It’s a really weird thing of her to bring up. If she were pissed and the DC weren’t present, it probably wouldn’t be so bad and may even be funny but with two under tens present, not so much.

I can understand it annoying your DP too although no idea why he felt the need to spoil the surprise engagement...

supadupapupascupa · 15/08/2018 22:10

Now that the subject has been brought up, I would personally jump at the opportunity to show him what ring you would like! Just tell him there’s no need to involve your friend at all. One positive that could come out of a shit situation?

Cheby · 15/08/2018 22:12

He has no fucking right to be arsed no matter what you were doing. Your DP is weird to want to know and your friend is a collossal dick for trying to drop you in it.

Ditch friend ASAP.

Iswallowtoothpaste · 15/08/2018 22:12

I think that inwardly he’d been thinking ‘I’ve mentioned an engagement ring and then you’ve come out with that chestnut to try and drive a wedge between us.’ We’ve been together for 7 years so it’s not as though we aren’t secure. He wasn’t an arsehole when he asked what happened.

OP posts:
Cyberworrier · 15/08/2018 22:12

I agree with Anne. Your DP may have been quiet on way home as he didn’t know what to say about the weirdness with your friend in front of the children- and it is a shame the surprise gone about the ring (congratulations in advance!) but he may have felt he should say as he was worried he’d inadvertently said something wrong and or upset her- he could have been trying to figure out why she said what she did?
Of course if he has has said anything negative about you snogging as a teen that is totally unreasonable.

LastOneDancing · 15/08/2018 22:13

Did he tell you about the ring plan, because he's pissed off about something fairly normal and innocuous that you did 9 years ago in your teens?
Or did he tell you as back story to her behaviour?

Does she often do stuff to stir drama?

Cyberworrier · 15/08/2018 22:14

Ps this does seem like major sour grapes on your friends part- just trying to piss on your parade. Not nice. In character?

Iswallowtoothpaste · 15/08/2018 22:14

Cyberworrier that’s exactly it from DO’s perspective. We’ve not had cross words about it at all. He was just trying to work out what the hell she was playing at.

OP posts:
Iswallowtoothpaste · 15/08/2018 22:16

@LastOneDancing he told me as a back story to her behaviour.

I mentioned to him that she had a face like a slapped backside when I came back from the toilet and he started smiling knowingly so I asked him what he was smiling about and he kept saying he couldn’t tell me but I forced it out of him in the end and he told me.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 15/08/2018 22:17

She is jealous and bitter.

But literally no idea why your dh thought he needed to tell you he was planning a proposal.

dontgobaconmyheart · 15/08/2018 22:18

What a shit friend. Bad time or not that shows a really horrible side to her, and those comments in front of your DC are wholly inappropriate. She's clearly jealous of the engagement and can't see the wood for the trees where her own life isn't currently going as she'd like.
I'd definitely tell her we all found that embarrassing and weird at a family restaurant and ask my DP if he'd like to now choose a ring together and inform her she won't be needed for that now that you've decided to do so (if you do). (Not least because she might pick you something dire Hmm.
Perhaps distance yourself from her if she's anything other than mortified at herself- I suppose it depends how much you otherwise value her really, your OP doesn't come across as particularly loving towards her as others have pointed out so maybe just back away.
Did your DP bring up the engagement as if to say he 'was going to but now isn't after this trivial park bench news? - If so that's a vast overreaction and he needs reminding it's not really relevant nor anything to be ashamed of so what's the issue.

C0untDucku1a · 15/08/2018 22:20

Massive cross post sorry!

Gottokondo · 15/08/2018 22:23

Since you know now you can decide to go ring shopping together after the proposal.

I don't think that your friend acts like a friend. I wouldn't want to meet up with her while other people present tbh. Your DC don't have to hear about these things.