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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend bringing up what I did on a park bench as a teenager

189 replies

Iswallowtoothpaste · 15/08/2018 22:00

My friend has been going through a bit of a shit time recently. Her best friend who also lived with her moved away and another male friend whom she thought she was getting close to has turned round and said he has no romantic feelings towards her whatsoever after leading her on for months.

She’s helped us out with the kids a couple of times in the past, nothing major, the odd night babysitting etc. She’s always been a good listener however there have been a couple of instances over the last couple of years where it’s apparent that she likes to shout her mouth off at times.

The latest instance, which I’m fairly pissed off about happened last weekend.

Myself, OH, DSD (8) and DD (5) decides that we’d go to Pizza Hut as a treat and we invited my friend along too.

During the meal, DSD said that she needed to go to the toilet so I took her and when I came back my friend had a face like a slapped arse. I thought OH had perhaps said something to piss her off or that she’d taken the wrong way but he seemed oblivious to anything.

My friend then starts reminiscing about when we were teenagers, nights out, drunken antics etc. Fine, we were younger once, I’ve got nothing to hide. Until she decides to drop the ‘just what were you and ‘X’ doing on that bench in the park.’

Yeah, apart from that. OH knows about all 3 of the people I’ve had sex with (including him) but kissing, canoodling and the odd grope on a park bench, I never bothered mentioning because it never seemed important. I was quite shocked, she must’ve been able to see that I was willing her to STFU by this point. Not just because of OH but also because of the fact that DC’s were listening and present.

The rest of the meal was pretty awkward, we sat there in silence, paid and went home. OH never said a word to me in the car on the way home then once I’d put the kids to bed started to question me on what exactly had happened on a park bench 9 years ago when I was 18. So I told him, nothing too explicit, quick snog and a feel. That was it. No bumping of uglies, fully clothed, nicely intoxicated.

He then went on to say that when myself and DSD went to the toilet, he’d said to my friend that he needed to go ring shopping with her (so that he could pick an engagement ring for me - he wouldn’t know where to start, hence asking my friend)

So anyway, surprise ruined. Thanks. I just think that the timing was a bit uncanny - she decides to bring up the park bench after OH mentions going ring shopping and asking for her help.

Pretty fucked off with her to be honest, feel as though it was an attempt to put a wedge between myself and OH.

AIBU to keep her at arms length?

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 16/08/2018 15:00

She is odd

Detach

MarthasGinYard · 16/08/2018 15:02

Does anyone else hear the Choon 'park life' perusing this thread?

Sorry OpGrin

cheesefield · 16/08/2018 15:06

Wtf is her problem? Bin her.

supadupapupascupa · 16/08/2018 16:12

Is there a chance she’s got the hits for this bloke but because you did stuff with him she thinks he’s out of bounds or something? Any chance she was testing waters by your reaction? Seems very odd that she’s ‘found’ him, andvodder yoo that she’s messaging you about it?

supadupapupascupa · 16/08/2018 16:13

Hots not hits!!

supadupapupascupa · 16/08/2018 16:14

Vodder you Blush haha odder too

Graphista · 16/08/2018 16:23

Oh and frankly, her best friend moving and her male friend backing off - see the pattern here...!

Exactly what I'm thinking! There's a reason people are fast vanishing from her life.

What reasons did she give for them vanishing? I'm imagining that it's only her word that male friend was "leading her on".

I'd ditch in no uncertain terms.

raspberrysuicide · 16/08/2018 16:27

My alleged best friend once sat there in front of my mum and my husband and started going on about people I went out with over 25 years ago. One person I went on a date with once. I was so bloody angry with her. Totally inapropriate.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 16/08/2018 16:34

Drop her like the hottest of hot potatoes. No matter how awful her life is atm, who would do something like that in front of your DC?

At least she's revealed herself before she went with DP and picked you a shit ring.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 16/08/2018 18:14

She just gets weirder. Definitely bin her!

lazyhazysummer · 16/08/2018 18:36

jelly449 I'd also think "is this something i need to know about".....once i'd found out it was all about a bit of harmless teenage fumbling. I think the ops dp felt the same, once he found out that that's all it was. He didn't know until he asked. Once he found out he wasn't interested.

apriljune12 · 16/08/2018 19:00

even if you shagged all the members of the All Blacks

Shame there’s not a ‘I wish* icon Grin

Op my advice again detach detatch detatch as previous friends and BF have for s reason

Iswallowtoothpaste · 16/08/2018 21:07

I can’t believe she’s been so conniving. Even OH has said to leave her to it - she’s out to cause trouble and we can’t trust a word she says.

OP posts:
lazyhazysummer · 16/08/2018 22:00

A sure way to make a kid feel good, having people he loves arguing over him.

amicissimma · 16/08/2018 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fatfeckingmavis · 16/08/2018 22:17

Haven’t read the full thread OP but she’s jealous as hell of you! Disengage and distance yourself asap, she’s no friend!

LastOneDancing · 16/08/2018 23:24

She is way too invested in the infamous park bench fumble of 2009.

Nothing as exciting can have happened in her life since for her to still be banging on about it a decade on.

It must've been one hell of a snog OP.

LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset · 17/08/2018 06:56

She is way too invested in the infamous park bench fumble of 2009 -Grin** exactly.

XiCi · 17/08/2018 07:17

I'd be furious if a friend recounted a story like this in front of dd. I'd never hear the end of it and it would be retold ad infinitum to every friend, family member and school friends mum Grin

Thank god you found out about the ring as I guarantee you would have ended up with something you hated. Now you can go out together and choose something you love.

Your friend sounds unhinged . There's probably a good reason people keep disappearing from her life. Do you think she actively sought out park bench man? Seems a massive coincidence. I would distance myself from her before she tries to pull any more stunts

Iswallowtoothpaste · 17/08/2018 08:03

There’s a time and a place for reminiscing about such things. Pizza Hut with my young children and OH isn’t one of those times or places.

She was insinuating that more happened. Funny, because when it happened I don’t actually remember her being there.

OP posts:
namechange2pointoh · 17/08/2018 08:25

There’s a time and a place for reminiscing about such things. Pizza Hut with my young children and OH isn’t one of those times or places.

I agree. However, it's not something your or your DH should have been bothered about. It was a long time ago. Why would you have told him anyway?

CoraPirbright · 17/08/2018 08:53

Oh I would really be itching to call her out on all this crap but I fear it would get you precisely nowhere. She would probably go on the defensive and refuse to see that her behaviour is, at best, poor and at worst, the worst possible kind of stirring and interfering. I would actually just detach really fast (ghost?) and watch her pityingly from a distance. Nasty piece of work she is.

apriljune12 · 17/08/2018 09:01

So are you going to take all the advice here and detatch from her?

Whereismumhiding2 · 17/08/2018 10:38

After the bizarre FB messenger voice message (she seems to have sought out X...), I'd block her on FB and her phone number.

She's trying to stir trouble, when you're just getting engaged. It's nasty.

Iswallowtoothpaste · 17/08/2018 20:34

There’s no question, she’s getting back heeled into the fuck it bucket

OP posts:
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