To think I should never open my mouth again?

[SophieSellerman]

On the phone to British Gas first thing this morning. Give them bill reference, using the phonetic alphabet because I am very clever. Only I somehow manage to say "Y for Wanky".

Then visit my chiropractor, who has Form where women are concerned. We talk about cars. I tell him I am windswept because I had the convertible roof open.

"You do know it isn't sunny?" says he.

"Yes, but I like to have it off as much as possible," I reply.

I would like to think he hadn't noticed, but his reply suggested that he had.

IABU to think I am a liability and ought to be gagged for the whole of the rest of eternity?

Nope. keep going. You make Britain great.

I was helping a friend install fencing in his garden, the panel was difficult to slide into the post...you can see where this is going!!
My mate ..."how tight is it"
Me " as tight as a nuns crotch" !!
WTF

Where that came from I have no idea, but we both fell about laughing as did his wife who was within earshot hanging the washing out.

They've never let me forget.

Was in an electric shop and asked for a scat lead instead of a scart lead. He told me to go to the gay sex shop next door and then burst out laughing when it took me ages to work out what I'd said. Red is not a strong enough word for the colour I went! Lol

Passed a box to boss today to put up in the loft and asked him "if he could get it up?" .

I texted the same boss to tell him out Gaggia machine was fixed.

I sent "Happy days - gagging fixed."

@BloodyDisgrace, I bloody love you.

Are you looking for a new job, Rabid? I would be.

Years ago An elderly uncle was telling me and my husband about the big tits in his garden - great tits uncle Sid , they're great tits .

I have no tits of any description, sadly. Or none that anyone would notice.