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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL suggests I miss my son’s second birthday party

350 replies

shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 21:45

I’m not being u but didn’t know where to put this. There should be a section called Vent.

We’re moving and it’s DS’s birthday. Everything has gone wrong. DH called away with work, my car broke down on today’s tip and charity shop run, end of tenancy cleaners have pulled out because someone is sick... DS’s party was supposed to be at MIL’s at the weekend because we knew our place would be a state and when DH was talking to MIL tonight, saying he didn’t know how we’d get everything done and we were thinking we might not make the trip (DS is 2 and won’t care if we postpone his party) MIL suggested that I stay at home to sort out the mess and DH take DS to his second birthday party ON HIS OWN.

😡

Even DH, usually oblivious to his mother, was shocked.

OP posts:
upsideup · 14/08/2018 22:42

So its sounds like you complained to MIL that your house is a mess and you have no way to host DS's birthday, she kindly offers to have it at hers to help you out. She was probably excited about hosting his party, and has tied up and maybe bought some decorations for it.
Your Dh then phones and complains you've got so much to do and you now probably aren't going to bother coming to his birthday party shes hosting anymore, she then suggests that he could bring DS on his own if you can't both make it, probably annoyed you've thrown her offer back in her face and upset her grandsons not going to get his party.
You're now acting like your sons second birthday party is the most important thing in the world to you but it can't be that important considering you couldn't be bothered to sort it yourself in the first and have now just cancelled his party it at short notice because its now too inconvenient for you to take him to it.
I wish I had your MIL, she sounds lovely.

apriljune12 · 14/08/2018 22:42

pringlecat

Indeed.

AmericanEskimoDoge · 14/08/2018 22:42

I'm sure he can have the party at a later date, when both his parents can attend. He won't be "deprived". (And honestly, I think a child is more likely to miss his mother than extended family!)

Go ahead and vent, OP! I'd be annoyed, too. It certainly wasn't worded in a very nice way, even if she didn't mean it like it sounded. (No way to know, as an outsider, how it was intended.)

notacooldad · 14/08/2018 22:44

I have fevertree!
Ah, but do you have Elderflower Fevertree?

apriljune12 · 14/08/2018 22:45

Can those saying people who dont attend kids parties don’t care!!!!

Dh missed loads as he worked away and he fucking cared. Ditto 999 workers and army etc.

Stupid thoughtless bollocks to post .

slithytove · 14/08/2018 22:46

I have elderflower feveretree! And Mediterranean
Both go very nicely with slingsby rhubarb gin

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 22:46

We’re not going, that’s decided. Am texting friends to see if they know cleaners. Unfortunately the agency (were renting, moving into bought place, yay!) want to see receipts for carpets cleaned (they are dootless 🙄) and chimneys swept (unused but still have to be done apparently. The cleaning we could go ourselves if we had the time.

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 14/08/2018 22:46

I may be a lone voice but YNBU.
I wouldn't miss any of my DC's birthdays. I love spending time and making memories for us to share when they are older - they love looking at old birthday party pics and videos.
Now, enjoy your G&T 🍹

slithytove · 14/08/2018 22:48

OP never said people who don’t attend don’t care.

She said she can’t believe that some people don’t care and don’t see them as important.

That’s not the same as though who do care but can’t go for whatever reason. They prob care very very much that they are missing something important to them.

slithytove · 14/08/2018 22:48

Ask the cleaning company who have cancelled to give you a receipt 😉

Pinkstump · 14/08/2018 22:51

I have a dil.
If I offer help, I'm interfering.
If I don't offer help, I don't care.
If I buy them clothes, they don't get worn.
If I don't, I don't care about them.
If I offer to have them overnight, they're going to her parents.
If I don't, well you get the picture.
I'm not a nasty overbearing bitch, neither am I a cold uncaring bitch, although no doubt I get called both.
All I want is to see my family happy and content.
Gin helps Wine

FiestaThenSiesta · 14/08/2018 22:51

“I have friends who will look after him, that’s not a problem.”

So he will spend his birthday with your adult friends rather than his grandmother and dad and all of his family? Because if you can’t be there, then it needs to be postponed?

So the day of the party is not his actual birthday?

Clairetree1 · 14/08/2018 22:52

I still can’t believe that she suggested I miss his birthday. It might not be important to some to be with their LOs on their birthdays but it is to me. I’m shocked that some don’t care if they aren’t there!

Exactly, it is not remotely important to many people, many people don't care if they are there or not.

MIL was making a kind generous helpful offer.

how would she know you are of the small minority that would find it "shocking" to miss their child's birthday party.

Do you honestly think it is normal for every child to have both parents there for every birthday?

my kids only ever celebrated even numbered birthdays, for financial reasons. So I, and they, missed half of all possible parties!

He's two! he doesn't care! he won't remember by Christmas!

upsideup · 14/08/2018 22:55

MIL would have in some way spent time and/or money preparing for the party, she may have cancelled or rearanged other plans, all other family members invited would have done the same.
She didnt say you werent invited, she made a reasonable suggestion when you told her you there thinking you werent going to bother to bring him that mean he could still come to his party.

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 22:55

Touchmybum It was over ambitious but sale fell into place all at once. Suddenly there was no need for storage space or temporary accommodation and we had planned this week to get everything done until it all went wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 22:57

FiestaThenSiesta no don’t be silly, he will be with us on his birthday.

OP posts:
AmericanEskimoDoge · 14/08/2018 22:58

"He's young! / He won't care! / He won't notice his mother's not there!"

Well, the OP clearly does care, so she shouldn't miss out when it's completely avoidable. He won't remember his second birthday, but maybe she will.

Also, if he's too young to remember/care whether his mother's there, then he's also too young to know he's missing out on a party on that specific day-- and it sounds like the party can easily be moved to another day, so he's not really missing out on anything, anyway.

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 22:59

Why do people keep saying I told MIL this and that, I haven’t spoken to her!

OP posts:
StopAndChat · 14/08/2018 23:01

I still can’t believe that she suggested I miss his birthday. It might not be important to some to be with their LOs on their birthdays but it is to me. I’m shocked that some don’t care if they aren’t there!

See, I'd rather my child have a special day and enjoy the love and celebration of those who love him. I'd sacrifice my own feelings FOR my child who deserves more than being farmed off so I can clean or whatever else you're going to be doing. I certainly wouldn't make it about ME because that would be selfish. I'd recognise that, at 2, he's not going to care whether it is me or dh with him when everyone else is making such a fuss of him and playing and celebrating. I'd understand that MIL was probably excited to be hosting and realise that the spiteful "if I can't be there" attitude does not benefit my child one bit.
Sorry OP, I can def understand that you're stressed and the thought of your baby being able to have a wonderful time without you there is a tough one but your paragraph above really rubs me the wrong way

KERALA1 · 14/08/2018 23:01

Hes 2 you are being bonkers. Reschedule his birthday celebration to a less stressful time. Friends moved on their child's second birthday so they quietly didn't have it until convenient.

slithytove · 14/08/2018 23:01

Yeah. DH was the one whinging, he can miss the party.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/08/2018 23:03

Do you normally get on well OP? If so I would try and not think too much about her suggestion.

Is your username to do with MIL? wink]

slithytove · 14/08/2018 23:04

It’s not spiteful, it’s not like they are down the road. Why should OP stay home and sort the problems out while DH enjoys a lovely family day? That is what makes it a peculiar suggestion.

Far more sensible to reschedule in light of recent unexpected events, than have any adult waste hours travelling.

FiestaThenSiesta · 14/08/2018 23:04

“no don’t be silly, he will be with us on his birthday.”

So you’re upset because you’re going to miss a family party hosted at your MIL’s and essentially. Because it won’t be your son’s birthday and he won’t know it’s his birthday party. Yeah, I’m not the one being silly OP.

nofriendinneed · 14/08/2018 23:06

apriljune12, You said you in similar situation, you would offer to look after the toddler leaving them to sort things.
But in this case, mil suggested that dil is left to sort things while in-laws are having a family celebration on the pretence of looking after toddler.

Op, your husband did the right thing of canceling the party. And, you are not fucked up to have a rant here irrespective of what apriljune12 thinks. Lets not forget she is mil, so will defend any mil with passion while calling people with a different opinion fucked up.