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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL suggests I miss my son’s second birthday party

350 replies

shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 21:45

I’m not being u but didn’t know where to put this. There should be a section called Vent.

We’re moving and it’s DS’s birthday. Everything has gone wrong. DH called away with work, my car broke down on today’s tip and charity shop run, end of tenancy cleaners have pulled out because someone is sick... DS’s party was supposed to be at MIL’s at the weekend because we knew our place would be a state and when DH was talking to MIL tonight, saying he didn’t know how we’d get everything done and we were thinking we might not make the trip (DS is 2 and won’t care if we postpone his party) MIL suggested that I stay at home to sort out the mess and DH take DS to his second birthday party ON HIS OWN.

😡

Even DH, usually oblivious to his mother, was shocked.

OP posts:
Fevs · 14/08/2018 23:26

Not read all of the thread but you are not being unreasonable AT ALL.

Why on earth would you agree to not seeing your son on his bday so you can do all the sorting and packing?! To even offer it would definitely antagonise me.

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 23:28

I don’t think this was done with malice. I don’t think MIL seized the chance to grab DH and DS for herself. But I think she truly thinks it’s reasonable that they have a weekend at her place, including DS’s birthday party, while I slave away alone!

OP posts:
slithytove · 14/08/2018 23:32

hotblack who on earth called mil a cunt?

And op never once said she thought they would be too busy. DH did. That’s why it’s odd that mil suggested op stay home.

apriljune12 · 14/08/2018 23:32

Well if you don’t think it was done with malice what’s all the hate for?

Genuine question. Ok she may have got it wrong but was trying to help?? Guessing you think so so why the hate and the swearing?

AnnoyingAdvice · 14/08/2018 23:34

I feel you OP! I can relate.
In my family we don’t always get along, but birthdays are one of those times where everyone comes together and have a good time. It’s nice to look back on the pictures and hear anecdotes from earlier ones, even if one doesn’t remember them.

If we all agree that most 2 year olds won’t remember their birthday, can we not also agree that a 2 years old birthday party is mostly for their parents, in which case, of course you’d move it so they can partake?

SummerLoving1 · 14/08/2018 23:35

This is a massive over reaction your poor MIL

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 23:37

To MIL it’s perfectly fine for me to sort out the mess, some of which is bad luck, some of which is DH’s doing by agreeing to go away with work, as long as she gets what she wants. It means me missing my pfb’s birthday but hey ho...

OP posts:
RayneDance · 14/08/2018 23:37

Oh dear op. I get it. It doesn't feel nice it's like shoving it in your face...

We don't want to you here but dh can bring ds. She may not have said that deliberately but that's what it screams.

Of course millions of people would want their own child there with the gc but this is what marriage, making people feel welcome is all about. Maybe.. The chance to make the dil feel welcome.. Would dh slave at home and you bring him then swop?

It's the immediate... Wonderful.. I can have his party with my son and get her out of it... She's only the mum..

Anyway op... When your a Mil remember this! Only a small incident in the history of mils.. But just one example of that clear divide some of them erect.

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 23:39

Well she’s blown it now anyway. Party will be in our new home and she won’t travel so it’s MIL who will miss the party.

OP posts:
Original poster
shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 23:41

Thanks to all who can see where we’re coming from. To think a few hours ago I was saying to DH that his mother would be disappointed if we didn’t go up 🙄

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 14/08/2018 23:44

It was an offer of help that many parents would have taken

I would have jumped at the offer. I hate housework, but hate organising a party even more.

I would be the perfect MIL for you, OP, as I wouldn't have offered to do the party in a million years.

KickAssAngel · 14/08/2018 23:47

If MIL were nearby so DH and DS were going for just a couple of hours it would be a kind offer. An entire weekend, leaving you without a car, is way too much. No-one who thinks about it for a few seconds would really suggest that a 2 year old is away from a parent for the weekend of their birthday unless it were really necessary?

Mind you, my mum would suggest something like this. To her, in laws aren't really family, so it wound't occur to her that DH would mind being left out. I would very much point that out to her. At least your DH agrees with you.

Can you cancel the M&S food, and save some money?
Rnjoy your new house!

slithytove · 14/08/2018 23:51

do try and still have the party at hers on another day - your new house won’t be sorted for a while

HotblackDesiatoto · 14/08/2018 23:52

Well she’s blown it now anyway. Party will be in our new home and she won’t travel so it’s MIL who will miss the party

And you actually think she is the one with the problem?

Hmm
BertrandRussell · 14/08/2018 23:54

“Well she’s blown it now anyway. Party will be in our new home and she won’t travel so it’s MIL who will miss the party.”

So she made a suggestion you didn’t like and you’re weaponizing your child against her. Delightful.

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 23:58

No, she made a stupid suggestion because she’s self centred and we are carrying out the family decision we had made before she even suggested it.

OP posts:
HotblackDesiatoto · 15/08/2018 00:02

She's not coming across as the self centred one. Someone is though....

ShumpaLumpa · 15/08/2018 00:02

Surely a birthday party for a two year old is more important for the parents as dc won't remember it?

Therefore, what would even be the point of having the party if one of the parents come make it? They're the people that are most invested in it.

I don't think MIL was being thoughtful. She wants OP to do the shit jobs like sorting out cleaners, taking rubbish to the tip and taking stuff to the charity shop whilst she has fun showing off DGS to family with her son.

A thoughtful MIL would have clocked how much her DIL is doing and suggested that her son does the shit jobs and OP comes over for DS's party.

BertrandRussell · 15/08/2018 00:04

It might be worth wondering why, on a site where mils are usually automatically in the wrong, you have very few supporters.

And yes, you are weaponising your child. It’s horrid.

ShumpaLumpa · 15/08/2018 00:05

Coyoacan

I hate housework, but hate organising a party even more.

Do you also hate being at your children's birthday parties at home with the family? Would you have preferred running going to the tip whilst your DH went to the party?

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 15/08/2018 00:06

We have no idea when we’ll be able to get up there again anyway, DH is away with work a lot.

OP posts:
HotblackDesiatoto · 15/08/2018 00:07

your user name and your attitude is vile. Shame for you DC is a boy, one day your DIL will be calling you the stupid cow!

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 15/08/2018 00:09

I’m self centred because I want to be with my two year old on his birthday 😂

Only on MN!

OP posts:
RayneDance · 15/08/2018 00:10

Mila are never automatically wrong at all on this site actually Shock what a ridiculous thing to say.

Some posters however think that dils are always automatically in the wrong.
Op just said she had been thinking of her Mil and that she would be let down.

Whereas mils comments shows just how much she thinks of her... Even in an absent-minded way!! Basically not much.

It's not very kind is it?
Op where are your parents?

ShumpaLumpa · 15/08/2018 00:11

I don't think OP is weaponising her DS. I'm not sure I would feel inclined to have the party there anymore either if I knew how superfluous I was to MIL.

I get on great with my own MIL (even though she doesn't like DH doing housework) but she wouldn't expect me to do all the dogsbody work while her son enjoyed a family birthday party.