MIL suggests I miss my son’s second birthday party

[shesastupidcow]

I’m not being u but didn’t know where to put this. There should be a section called Vent.

We’re moving and it’s DS’s birthday. Everything has gone wrong. DH called away with work, my car broke down on today’s tip and charity shop run, end of tenancy cleaners have pulled out because someone is sick... DS’s party was supposed to be at MIL’s at the weekend because we knew our place would be a state and when DH was talking to MIL tonight, saying he didn’t know how we’d get everything done and we were thinking we might not make the trip (DS is 2 and won’t care if we postpone his party) MIL suggested that I stay at home to sort out the mess and DH take DS to his second birthday party ON HIS OWN.

😡

Even DH, usually oblivious to his mother, was shocked.

No I’m not going to be courteous about it!
No need to go in a tail spin about it. Yo have enough with out making your own stress.

slithytove A couple of car trips, tip and charity shop, to do. I have no car, pedal snapped 😲 and they don’t know when it will be done. I can’t drive DH’s car (work car, not insured).

There’s packing to finish and cleaners to sort out, ones that do carpets, as the others let me down. I can’t do things like the tv and computes and DH’s gaming stuff as I have no idea what I am doing when unplugging it all. I’ve already packed what I can pack, clothes, toys..

I have fevertree!

She only suggested, it's the type of thing I'd say, without thinking of it in that way.
Maybe mil was just trying to be supportive, just cancel the party and have it at a less busy time.

Unless you have a terrible relationship with her then yabu. It does sound like she’s trying to help

I would just assume she thought she was being helpful. You sound really rude.

Could you postpone the party but ask mil to look after 2 year old for the day so you AND HUSBAND can sort house?

Events, none of my doing, have conspired to mess up the move and apparently I have to miss my son’s birthday to make it all right for everyone.

She offered, she didn't say you 'had to' miss your sons party.

I really think that you need to think of the other way it could have been meant, with kindness, because she could see how stressed out you are.

Some people on MN seem to fall over themselves saying how unimportant birthdays are. Back in the real world, your children’s birthday parties are special and of course you’d want to be there.

Hopefully MIL was thoughtless rather than trying to exclude you on purpose.

Hope the move goes well!

I don't know if it is a kind offer or a mean offer.

But I do know that you don't want to miss your son's 2nd birthday.

So just say you will postpone it until you are in your own home. If guests have been invited tell them now of the change of plans.

Ok. You can unplug stuff. Have a box of elastic bands or cable ties, or at a push, string. As you unplug it, coil it loosely. Put in a sandwich bag and label with the device it came from.

Facebook instructions with local pages as before. You will find cleaners, people to do tip runs, people who will collect useable stuff.

Ask if anyone has a carpet cleaner you can borrow. These can also be hired if you can’t find a cleaner who does it.

When do you have to be out, and is the house rented or have you sold?

So have you cancelled the party? Presumably because you know that your son won't be that bothered because he's 2. But the idea of not being at family get together with MILs family (sounds more like this than a traditional party) is abhorrent?

I think your MIL was trying to help. I also think you should think about it given that otherwise your DS will spend his birthday watching you clean!

slithytove

Thanks. We’ll HAVE to do it.

I still can’t believe that she suggested I miss his birthday. It might not be important to some to be with their LOs on their birthdays but it is to me. I’m shocked that some don’t care if they aren’t there!

Those calling OP rude - she really isn’t. She is having a vent, not a go at her mil. It’s ok to feel like this when everything else is going tits up and it was a thoughtless thing to say - I can see how it would make one feel unvalued.

He's 2. He won't care and she was trying to help. What she should have said was ONE of you stay back and one come up for the party.
Even though he's only 2, it seems worse to deprive him of enjoying some fun and a lovely day with his extended family just because you're put out. It's HIS birthday after all.

Italiangreyhound Guests were family, those who would be at MILs over the weekend anyway because they live near. She may have invited others we don’t know about.

Tell the hive mind where you are - mumsnet will find you cleaners, carpet cleaners, tip runners, and probably unicorn tears to sweeten your gin if you needed.

As an outsider, I read it as a kind offer to provide childcare whilst you sort out this shit storm without having to entertain a two-year-old. You say his second birthday isn't important to him, so why is it such a big deal for you? If your MIL has already arranged everything, why not let her go ahead and then, if you desperately want, have a second birthday party with you and DH present? Which child wouldn't be happen to celebrate twice?

But perhaps I'm missing some sort of massive background and your MIL is a witch.

Based purely on what you've posted, she's trying to do a kind thing and you've massively overreacted because you're stressed out.

Can your DH deliver DS to the party and then come back and help you, so you both 'miss out'? Not sure how far away your MIL is, but perhaps he would enjoy a sleepover?

twoundertwo1234 it’s too far to take him, four and a half hour drive! I have friends who will look after him, that’s not a problem.

Hang on - MIL wasn’t offering anything to take pressure off OP.

She offered to take pressure off DH by suggesting OP spend birthday day cleaning. That’s not a favour to OP.

back in the real world your children’s birthday parties are special

No they really are not.,watched a home movie last night of dss 8 th birthday football party. It was loud, messy and I have no memory of it apart from the tape.

Op I mean this well as moving house is bloody hard work and you have had a bloody rough time.

I am sure your mil was trying to be helpful and I would have made a similar offer that I would still have the party but you guys do what you need to do to get sorted.

She sounds helpful. You should think on as you sound quite bitchy especially with your user name. Really think on

I still can’t believe that she suggested I miss his birthday. It might not be important to some to be with their LOs on their birthdays but it is to me. I’m shocked that some don’t care if they aren’t there

That's a bit unfair to the people who have to miss birthdays all the time because of other things, planned or unplanned. Sometimes it just can't be helped, and being upset about it won't change anything. And it certainly doesn't mean they don't care.

I’m shocked that some don’t care if they aren’t there!

I find it odd that some don't care. I try to be at everything for my children BUT I might consider what your MIL offered in your circumstances. I think you should appreciate that your family are trying to help.

Cancel the party, your DS won't give a shit, he won't even remember it. Have a joint 2nd birthday party/housewarming if you want, when you are ready!

It was a bit over-ambitious to do the two things at the same time!