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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL suggests I miss my son’s second birthday party

350 replies

shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 21:45

I’m not being u but didn’t know where to put this. There should be a section called Vent.

We’re moving and it’s DS’s birthday. Everything has gone wrong. DH called away with work, my car broke down on today’s tip and charity shop run, end of tenancy cleaners have pulled out because someone is sick... DS’s party was supposed to be at MIL’s at the weekend because we knew our place would be a state and when DH was talking to MIL tonight, saying he didn’t know how we’d get everything done and we were thinking we might not make the trip (DS is 2 and won’t care if we postpone his party) MIL suggested that I stay at home to sort out the mess and DH take DS to his second birthday party ON HIS OWN.

😡

Even DH, usually oblivious to his mother, was shocked.

OP posts:
apriljune12 · 14/08/2018 22:10

God I would have paid good money to miss any of my kids birthday parties especially aged 2 to 10.. they get better after that as they don’t want you there Grin

BertrandRussell · 14/08/2018 22:10

“Very thoughtless suggestion. As if you would want to miss your childs birthday party. Id be unimpressed too OP. Good luck with the move!”

It was a suggestion, not a command.

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 22:11

It was an offer of help that many parents would have taken.

No it fucking isn’t! Miss your son’s birthday to clean a house?

OP posts:
Prestonsflowers · 14/08/2018 22:11

Your user name says it all.

BertrandRussell · 14/08/2018 22:12

The only thing she did wrong was say “you stay home” not “one of you stay home”

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 14/08/2018 22:12

I cant believe she suggests you miss your own son's birthday. Yanbu she is being very U on the other hand!

apriljune12 · 14/08/2018 22:13

Has she also posted pics on fb or are there 2 of you on tonight

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 22:13

Dieu I’ve ordered food from M&S near to MIL. If if doesn’t get picked up it’s just our hard luck (we’d planned to pick it up on the way).

OP posts:
LovingLola · 14/08/2018 22:13

With every post you sound more and more charming. Not.

KC225 · 14/08/2018 22:15

Get lost with your kind offers. She is bang out of order. If MIL really wanted to make a kind offer why not say 'You and DH come over have DS's party as planned. Make a list of things that need doing, and I'll try and get through them. Or she could have said, its only Tuesday what can I do to help before the weekend. How is miss your son's birthday party to do some cleaning and packing and we won't even notice your absence ever going to be appreciated?

Not nice. Watch that one OP.

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 22:16

C0untDucku1a DH, I have no car, it’s in the garage. The rest of the stuff needs clearing and there’s heavy lifting. The cleaners I’m working on getting someone else at short notice.

OP posts:
Perfectly1mperfect · 14/08/2018 22:17

I think maybe she was just giving you an option that meant that you got your things done and your son had his party.

You just needed to say, "thanks for the offer but I wouldn't feel right missing his birthday party."

Unless there is a backstory with her she would probably have said, "okay, just thought I would offer."

nokidshere · 14/08/2018 22:21

No it fucking isn’t! Miss your son’s birthday to clean a house

It doesn't sound like the issue was just cleaning the house, more a series of events that were causing you lots of stress. Hopefully you have another 40+ birthdays to celebrate, all of which he will remember more than this one.

All you had to do was say no thanks, I'll work it all out.

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 22:21

Perfectly1mperfect She didn’t day it to me, she said it to DH.

Got a gin now. Calming down now.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 14/08/2018 22:22

t was an offer of help that many parents would have taken

No it fucking isn’t! Miss your son’s birthday to clean a house?

Why so aggressive. I have known a mother miss birthday do's at that age for many different reasons.
Someone offered you help as you have a lot on your plate, you have said everything is going wrong and yet you act in a most offend way.

Bloody hell, there's no need to vent. You could have been courteous and declined in a nice way instead of running to MN slagging your MIL off.

notacooldad · 14/08/2018 22:24

Got a gin now. Calming down now
You need to calm down? Jesus, I'd hate something traumatic happen to you if this is enough to send you to gin!

slithytove · 14/08/2018 22:24

Have you still got tip and charity shop stuff?
What else is there to do?’

(And yes, what MIL said was a bit shitty but unless there is a backstory hopefully just insensitive - tbf wouldn’t we all prefer to be with our kids rather than their partners if it was a choice of one or the other? Not sure as DS is 5 😂)

slithytove · 14/08/2018 22:24

notacooldad this is mumsnet. Gin is our water.

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 22:25

No I’m not going to be courteous about it!

Events, none of my doing, have conspired to mess up the move and apparently I have to miss my son’s birthday to make it all right for everyone.

Nope.

OP posts:
slithytove · 14/08/2018 22:25

Tbf she didn’t offer op help. If she had it would have made more sense.

She offered op’s DH help, in the form of OP can do it all.

CherryPavlova · 14/08/2018 22:26

Seems a perfectly reasonable offer to me. He’s two. He won’t remember who was there.
You’re not very polite and are overreacting somewhat to a suggestion.

Perfectly1mperfect · 14/08/2018 22:27

shesastupidcow

Then he could have said it on your behalf. I wouldn't have missed my child's birthday party either but if my MIL had offered I would have thought she was genuinely trying to help.

Enjoy your Gin

slithytove · 14/08/2018 22:27

OP - can you get onto Facebook? Arrange a person with a van to do remaining tip runs; do a call out for last minute cleaners - but first get on to the original ones as they should be trying to find an alternative, then name and shame if they don’t; offer charity stuff/car boot stuff for anyone who will collect; rally friends and their partners to come and help shift stuff, or failing that, babysit so tou have a clear run at it.

You can do this!

notacooldad · 14/08/2018 22:29

notacooldad this is mumsnet Gin is our water.
I know, DP is just sorting out the EG and Fevertree as I type!

slithytove · 14/08/2018 22:30

I can’t imagine my mum saying to me, knowing I’m swamped - leave DH at home to do it. Both of us while she did childcare, yes. But not just oh he can clean while you party.

And at 2 years old for pfb, birthdays and associated celebrations can still be pretty special - mine are 5 and 3 and I haven’t missed a birthday yet, nor has DH.