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Original poster

MIL suggests I miss my son’s second birthday party

350 replies

shesastupidcow · 14/08/2018 21:45

I’m not being u but didn’t know where to put this. There should be a section called Vent.

We’re moving and it’s DS’s birthday. Everything has gone wrong. DH called away with work, my car broke down on today’s tip and charity shop run, end of tenancy cleaners have pulled out because someone is sick... DS’s party was supposed to be at MIL’s at the weekend because we knew our place would be a state and when DH was talking to MIL tonight, saying he didn’t know how we’d get everything done and we were thinking we might not make the trip (DS is 2 and won’t care if we postpone his party) MIL suggested that I stay at home to sort out the mess and DH take DS to his second birthday party ON HIS OWN.

😡

Even DH, usually oblivious to his mother, was shocked.

OP posts:
Uzicorn · 15/08/2018 15:08

Youarenotkiddingme

You're very goady to OP.

Funny how you invent stuff about OP but then get all butthurt when Op makes a response about your relationship.

HappilyHarridan · 15/08/2018 15:13

Youarenotkiddingme was obviously speculating about what may have happened, and offering an alternative viewpoint, which is fair enough as the OP has posted here inviting comments. Hardly warrants the OPs reaction of accusing her of lying, she was quite clearly just saying 'maybe it happened like this...'

Coyoacan · 15/08/2018 15:14

Has the term dripfeed gone out of fashion on mumsnet?

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 15/08/2018 15:44

I simply said I could imagine the conversation between dh and mil going that way.

And I imagine you have no friends because you tell a lot of lies 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
shesastupidcow · 15/08/2018 15:46

youarenotkiddingme

Oh and btw you have no idea about my relationship status so please don't project.

😂

OP posts:
MrsBlaidd · 15/08/2018 15:51

Just for some MIL context shes my MIL in the same circumstances would have jumped in the car to come and help me.

The party would have been postponed/cancelled without a fuss and she'd have simultaneously helped whilst seeing a precious grandchild.

Threads like this make me utterly grateful that I have a MIL that remembers how it feels to be a parent to young children and that endless juggling of all things impossible. Vent away, I'd have been put out at a suggestion of me missing my child's birthday whilst simultaneously trying to sort out a house move too.

Good luck with the house move Gin

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 15/08/2018 15:59

Coyoacan Doesn't apply to real time Grin

Plus as someone posted a while ago it’s simply a way of gagging the poster when they aren’t being cowed by the stick the poster is wielding, so yes, people aren’t using it.

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 15/08/2018 16:56

I didn't invent stuff. I asked if there's any possibility the conversation went that way. And mil responded that way.

If putting forward a possible POV is goady then every poster on MN (actually the whole internet!) is 😂😂

It's entirely possible that the OP heard what dh said and it didn't go down that way.
There are ways of saying this without being melodramatic!

And let's face it, I'm not the first person to say she's dramatic on this thread.

youarenotkiddingme · 15/08/2018 16:59

Sheaastupid how is "is it possible the conversation went this way" telling a lie?

You know the difference between telling a lie and asking a question I take it?

And as for friends you again have no idea.
But my absence from the thread has been because I've supporting 2 friends through serious life difficulties.
RL friends that matter.

Not dramatists on a screen 🙄

Uzicorn · 15/08/2018 17:28

youarenotkidding if it's RL that matters to you, why not go there and leave OP alone?

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 15/08/2018 17:30

youarenotkiddingme Gosh you are very invested in putting me in my place aren’t you? Carry on if it makes you feel better!

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 15/08/2018 17:35

Whatever, OP.

You asked if your MIL was being unreasonable but only put the unreasonable bit in after an awful lots of posters said that that it looked like a genuine act of kindness, as it did, from the information you choose to give.

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 15/08/2018 17:40

Coyocan

Please show me where I asked whether my MIL was being unreasonable.

And what was the bit that you actually think was unreasonable that I put in later?

OP posts:
Whizbang · 15/08/2018 18:16

Ugh, you sound really quite unpleasant OP. The poor woman made a suggestion to try to help you and DP out, and here you are slagging her off online. Sadly she was unable to make the psychic connection with you that would allow her to realise just how furious her suggestion would make you. What a cow. And now you are sniggering at the thought that she won’t be able to join you for your replacement party. How delightful.

Oh, and please don’t bother suggesting that I’m a MIL or have some other axe to grind, as you have with most posters above who disagree with you. I’m not and I don’t. I’m just an impartial observer who has RTFT and thinks you come across as nasty and spiteful. I feel v sorry for your MIL.

You’re welcome

Topsyshair · 15/08/2018 18:17

Op honestly yanbu at all.

It's was completely ridiculous bordering on spiteful for your mil to suggest that you miss you sons 2nd birthday party. Especially so that you can clean.

Some on mumsnet like to pretend that birthdays don't matter, that they're super cool with them or their dhs missing special occasions.

Your son may not remember or be aware but it's a special day for you.

Tell your mil to bog off.

penguinpurple · 15/08/2018 18:59

I'm surprised at the responses you're getting here. I would not want to miss my child's second birthday and would be really hurt at the suggestion. I don't know anyone in real life who wouldn't be. I can understand if you have loads of kids and the party is one of several a year with loads of hyperactive school kids it might be stressful but a family gathering for your first and only toddler is one of the special nice bits of parenting and god knows enough of it can be a slog at times.
We have so far just organised children's birthdays, Xmas celebrations, Easter when convenient for both parents. Obviously will have to adapt a bit when they get older. 😅

timeisnotaline · 15/08/2018 19:07

You say his second birthday isn't important to him, so why is it such a big deal for you?
Such tosh. His first step wasn’t important for my ds but I very much wanted to be there, I’m his mother. His 2nd birthday party last year was one of the nicest days of the year. It feels both unhelpful and unkind for the ops mil to suggest she miss her childd 2nd bday.

nofriendinneed · 15/08/2018 23:06

she obviously thought that her son was able to go

MIL "that sounds stressful. Well don't worry I'm happy for party to go ahead and I'll organise everything - dw can do her jobs then if she wants".

youarenotkiddingme and HappilyHaridan*, any chance you are OP's MIL. You both seem to know very well what her MIL said or thought.

nofriendinneed · 15/08/2018 23:15

HappilyHaridan and youarenotkiddingme you both need to calm down. You don't know OPs MIL better than her.

Telling OP to calm down when she is attacked by MILs like you makes no sense.
OP made a very civilised posted. She has a right to vent out here, it's people like you who are attacking her and making her defend herself.
If OP deserves an Oscar for responding to you, then you deserve a Man Booker prize for writing fiction.

Perfectly1mperfect · 15/08/2018 23:26

Can't believe this thread is still going.

OP, sorry if I missed this in an earlier post but do you think your MIL said it to be nasty to you ? Or because she just didn't think ? Or because she doesn't see you as important ? Or some other reason ?

Does she have form for this type of thing ?

If my MIL did this I would think she was trying to help but just not really thinking how I might feel. Whereas if my friends MIL suggested it I would think she was being nasty as she's not very nice to my friend on a daily basis. I guess that would decide how I felt about the situation.

nofriendinneed · 15/08/2018 23:28

civilised post. typo :-)

HappilyHarridan · 16/08/2018 00:13

I haven't attacked anyone, and I'm not a MIL, nor am I ever likely to be. I have just pointed out that the op seems to randomly take against comments from posters on a thread that she started, which invites people to give their opinions, and is quite dramatic in her response. Could be that she's also being a bit dramatic re her MIL. Who knows? I certainly don't care enough to need to calm down, am only barely interested enough to type a response.

SandyY2K · 16/08/2018 02:26

There's not one of my children's birthday parties I would have missed under 16 yo...and especially the toddler age.

I'm very suprised any mother would want to miss their 2 year olds party for any reason.

Original poster
shesastupidcow · 16/08/2018 03:59

“...am only barely interested enough to type a response.”

😂

OP posts:
Original poster
shesastupidcow · 16/08/2018 04:04

SandyY2K

If true, and not just a lie to try and kick me on the thread, it’s sad and hard faced. But then there’s a certain type of poster on Mumsnet that doesn’t seem to like their children very much.

OP posts: