DD going to bed at 8am and getting up at 6pm, would you allow this?

[evergreenmi]

Exactly what the title says. Thanks.

This website is fucking ridiculous. Someone mentions "gaming" (GASP!!) and mass hysteria breaks out. She's an adult. She works, it's not as though she's out selling drugs! If she wants to use her free time after work to game (and as mentioned above free time before work is nothing like after work) then so what? It's hardly as though she can do much else at that time of night anyway! She's not doing any harm and once uni starts she'll sort herself out. Calm the fuck down.

Also not liking her eating the food, wtf is that all about??

When I was her age I was living on my own.
At one point I was out of work and found a lack of reason to get up in the morning meant it was very hard to go to sleep.
I was getting to sleep at about 5am and not waking until about 1in the afternoon.

I did this without social media, gaming or a cocaine habit.

Now in my 40s I wake up at about 7am even if I don’t have to.
This sleep pattern isn’t for ever, just like when she was a toddler I bet she woke you up at 6am and you wished for a lie in once.

I agree about sleep snobs.

She is probably a vampire, can she go to uni at night? It will be safer for her.

I agree there is a real sleep snobbery and gamer snobbery on mumsnet. The way people talk it’s like the whole world only works 9-5 Monday to Friday and everyone has to be up at 6.30am sharp everyday. Yes plenty of people do work like that - our family does actually- but millions and millions of people do all kinds of shift work that means they are sleeping and working all over the place. Just because others consider early morning the perfect time to wake up doesn’t mean it’s “right”.

I agree that she will probably sort her sleep pattern out if she needs to. As I said upthread I used to crawl into bed at 6am most nights after bar work etc and sleep most of the day. I’m now nearly 40 and I usually wake up at 7am without needing an alarm clock.

I also think gaming is like any other hobby. If she was staying awake very late reading somehow I’m sure people on mumsnet would somehow find that more acceptable. If she’s working and getting out of the house and still being social there is no issue.

But equally it might be that she is so obsessed with gaming - 8 hours of gaming is going to be a hard habit to kick

Another one who has made some strange assumption that she is gaming for 8 hours straight. Where did you get that from? At the very least we already know she is spending some time cooking - who knows what she’s doing for the rest of the night (even the OP wouldn’t know that).

The other I wanted to say is a lot of posters saying 10 hours sleep is too long - it’s really, really not for teenagers! It’s very normal and usually needed.

I don't think gaming is 'like any other hobby' (sorry fairylea) because games are deliberately designed to be addictive. I'm not taking a position that games are less worthy as a hobby and nor am I saying that every gamer has a problem with it.

However, the more important point I think is that the OP will never discover whether her daughter has problem game use or any other issue (or whether everything's basically fine but daughter has just gone nocturnal), as it sounds like she's not seeing her for any time to have a proper conversation whatsoever and potentially that the DD is avoiding the rest of the family entirely (see OP's post about DD not even saying good night to her). Plus the DH is being combative.

I can see the argument that the DD's hours have just shifted round, but it isn't great for your body not to get any daylight or fresh air and it's not great for your mental health to only be socialising online outside of work in a pub or club or whatever it is. That is a reasonable concern for the parents especially when the girl's still living at home. Overall, it's not reasonable IMO to live at home and attempt to avoid your family entirely, so YANBU, although YABU about family days out and sibling entertainment.

This thread is barmy. She's not sleeping in late, having a lie in or catching up from late shifts. She is sleeping the entire day away waking between 4pm and 6pm...

And only works a six hour evening job - probably not seven days a week. Does she not need to go to the bank/dentist/gp/make a uni phone call/arrange her accommodation?

I'm clearly a sleep snob. In my world, people who sleep all day (and are not working shifts) are those who are struggling with depression, some kind of addiction or are unwell.

Agree @Fairylea. The attitude to gamers on MN is risible.

Mayhemmumma

It is one summer holiday! That’s it! She would have been in school/college before the summer and she will be at uni in September (therefore conforming to your conventional hours). How have you jumped to her being either having a mental illness, an addiction or otherwise unwell?

@Mayhemmumma I'm 30 and I haven't been to the bank or the gp in years. Dentist I see more often because of DD. I have the holidays off and before DD I could easily slip in a similar pattern of OP's daughter even without working. I'm naturally more alert/productive at night.
Don't forget she has had this routine during this summer holiday,she hasn't been sleeping her life away.

OP get her to read this (one night) and update us!

I hope she's just hanging out in her room ignoring you all, that would make more sense to me.

Does she not need to go to the bank/dentist/gp/make a uni phone call/arrange her accommodation?

No. I don’t remember the last time I went to my bank. The dentist is once a year, GP much the same if that.
Making phone calls? Who does that anymore? It’s all emails.

Who cares if she is ‘sleeping the day away’? This isn’t how she is going to be all her life. This is one summer.

How often do 18 year olds need appointments with the bank?!

Turn your WiFi off at night....problem solved.

Although she is an adult this is a very antisocial schedule and a bit rude / dismissive to the other members of the family (who she clearly doesn't want to spend time with)

Just leave your daughter to it. She is 18 years old. The time for family outings as a little girl has gone. She is a grown woman. She works and she is going to university in September. Leave her in peace.,

Unless you think she is doing something terrible, like drugs or whatever, just leave her alone. You are going to suffocate her and set her university off on the wrong foot. She needs support at home.

If you don't want her cooking in the kitchen with a separate meal then ask her to go out. Otherwise, she's not doing any harm. And why are you allowing your DH to control 'family outings' on his terms. Just go out, have a good time. If your daughter doesn't want to play with her siblings then why are you pressuring her? You are going to push her away.

I repeat, she is an adult now. Let her be one.

No wonder she doesn't want to spend time with them if they are trying to dictate her life like this!

I work shifts like that. I can work til 12/1am. When you get home from work I presume you like to have something to eat, cup of tea or whatever maybe a bit of TV... So do people who work shifts... You need to wind down for a couple of hours before bed it's normal. She's 18. And I think yabvvu to say she's not allowed to use the kitchen /have food after a night's work.

I'm currently staring at my partner asleep on the sofa its three in the afternoon its soo annoying. Its just selfish.

Yes, damn those people who want to have a nap in the afternoon, forcing their partners just to stare at them. Sooo selfish, they should be putting on a short magical act instead to keep everyone entertained.

bsbabas Why is he selfish? What’s his working hours?

She's an adult,her call I wouldn't give it any head space

If she's working evenings it would seem to stand to reason that she would keep somewhat different hours to the rest of the family.

Don't see the issue.

If she were reading books for eight hours a day, would there be the same uproar?

Of course not because that's an acceptable MN pastime.