DD going to bed at 8am and getting up at 6pm, would you allow this?

[evergreenmi]

Exactly what the title says. Thanks.

My teens are on similar routine. I’m leaving them to it while during the school holidays. They get up for school without problems so I don’t worry about it.

So she's awake for what? About 14 hours? That's pretty average and normal. It's just the timings the are swapped.

I feel really sorry for you let DD not getting a flat for uni and being stuck with parents who still treat her like a 10 year old! Making her play with younger siblings? Not planning family days out (which will impact your other children) just because your oldest grownup daughter won’t attend? Being annoyed at and wanting to change this young adults sleep pattern but not actually able to say why it bothers you or have any valid reason? It’s all very odd and I can see her quite rightfully getting out of there as soon as she’s saved up enough money

*your

My two (16&19) keep weird hours these days. They both work, study, get up and aren't late for anything, fit in the gym, friends and the odd chore here and there. They get food if they happen to be around when I'm cooking or they get their own.

Family stuff these days means me and dh usually although they do sometimes honour us with their presence.

Just leave her to it and get on with your life and younger children

YABU. She's not sleeping throughout the day and doing naff all. She's working shifts.

It doesn't conform to your expectation of normal, but that doesn't mean that it isn't!

She's too old to be forced to join in with 'family' activities. TBH, most kids start to grow out of that at around 15... if she's been tolerating them up until recently (and she's an adult now), you've had more time than expected out of her.

If I finished work at midnight, I couldn’t come home and be in bed asleep by 1am. Why would you? If you finished at a “normal” time of day 5pm, you wouldn’t go to bed at 6pm and get up at 2am for breakfast. As an 18yo I worked night shifts in a nursing home and used to finish at 8am. I’d come home, have my main cooked meal, go shopping/walk the dog/see friends then go to bed a few hours later so that I woke refreshed for my next shift. I personally think if she’s old enough to be working shifts, she’s old enough to set her own schedule.

Especially at 18 - shouldn't you be a bit excited by or interested in the world, rather than spend all day sleeping?

The world isn't that great, especially for 18 year olds. Especially one being treated like a child by her father.

I used to do exactly that at her age. My mum would still make enough for me to have dinner too and plate it up. I'd reheat it so no need to make extra food if you are already providing her with food at dinner time. Can't see the issue personally. It's not going to last forever is it.

There's no way I'd want to be doing family activities at 18 either. She'll be away with her own life soon anyway. Then you'll have to do family activities without her. Let her be happy with what she's doing.

'Especially at 18 - shouldn't you be a bit excited by or interested in the world, rather than spend all day sleeping?'

Have you ever been 18 she's probably knackered getting used to working full time, when I was 18 it really wiped me out. She's not doing any harm, let her be.

This sounds like Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder (DSPD). I have it, though my current natural sleep times are about 3am-12pm; not as extreme as hers. And it's not uncommon for teenagers to develop it temporarily.

I don't see the issue anyway.

Good luck with your house rules, you sound like an arse.

She's 18 and working evenings, loves a good sleep.

She's not out on fucking crack.

I doubt very much that she has a sleep disorder! She just stays up all night gaming.

I haven't read the whole thread but I would just leave her to it. She will have to change for uni so let her have her last few weeks doing what she wants.

Most people get up about 2 hours before they start work so up at 7am, at work for 9am, then they might get home at 6pm and go to bed at midnight so 6 hours after getting home. Her pattern isn't so different just that she works evenings.

At the same age, I used to work till midnight, and found it impossible to relax enough to sleep for a good couple of hours - I'd go to bed about 2/3 am and get up around 10am .I It can take a bit to wind down post evening shifts.

The problem is the gaming. For anyone, gaming from 12.30 ( or 1 by the time she gets home) till 8am is beyond wrong. I recognise you can't stay up to tell her to swtich off but this is something you need to address.It's very unhealthy- have a google about it. That length of time regularly online is very bad for your mental health.
I'd consider changing the Wi-fi password so she can't get online, and have a conversation about her finding a healthier way of winding down post work.

Re the food, sorry but get over yourself. The food in the house is presumably for the people living in the house. She lives in the house.
If she leaves a mess, address that with her, or put a plate for her in the fridge that she can eat before work the next day, or just leave her to it - and occasionally indicate to her the things that are off limits if you plan to use them for another family meal.

Your DH also has to get over himself. An 18 year old does not have to attend family outings, and for him to toss his toys out of the pram on this issue is daft. He's ruining things for everyone else, not your daughter.

So YABU, and YANBU. But you need to address the gaming.

No, you don’t need to address the gaming as some posts have suggested. She is an adult. As long as she is keeping to her responsibilities it will be fine - if is no different from her binge watching shows (which I’m sure some of the posters who vilify gaming do) or even reading all night.

You also don’t need to do anything about her sleep. She will adjust it when she goes to uni. Just because they are unconventional hours doesn’t mean they are wrong.

If you and your DH don’t stop trying to control her life (her sleep, her eating, how she spends her leisure time), you find that she wants very little to do with you in future years.

Sounds weird but maybe get her blood tested? She maybe really low iron or vitamin d which is why is sleeping during the day a lot? Worth a try

She'll soon learn the sleep pattern cant continue at uni with the workload.

As for days out. She's an adult! Your DH is being pathetic saying you can't go without her.

She's an adult, op can't get her blood tested and shouldn't change the WiFi password. She's working, she's doing her own thing, it's only been 3 weeks and she's starting uni soon - there isn't a problem here with the dd.

She’s sleeping in the day because she hasn’t slept at night not because of a deficiency. She’s just swapped her days/nights around!
Uni starts in a few weeks so she won’t be able to do it then so I wouldn’t be bothered. Also then she won’t be around for family meal times and will need to cook at different times, and won’t be always around for family days out so i think you need to get over that.

The magic age of 18 may legally mean an individual is an adult and can therefore be responsible for every facet of life, but on a practical level this is not necessarily true.

Eight hours of gaming every night, combined with refusal to respond to questions whilst gaming indicates a problem. Adults have problems too. Drop one year off this girls age and it would be a considered a big issue. I'm not villifying gaming Stuckinthis, I'm saying that the LENGTH of time is a problem whether or not the individual is 18 and therefore supposed to be able to do whatever they want. It's addictive behaviour.
Gaming can be great for creativity, for cognitive processing , for logic, for focus, gives faster reaction times IRL and has quite a few other positives. My boys both game - with control on the time spent. If they were 18 and at home my position would not change.

But considering the WHO listed gaming disorder as one of it's recognised mental health conditions this year, I am not wrong in suggesting this needs to be considered. It is NOT the same as binge watching television or reading all night.

See if your DD can go a week or even three days without gaming. If she can't - maybe there is a problem. Everything should be in moderation.

Absolutley not. Night shifts aside, night times are for sleeping, day time for doing.

CommanderDaisy Why do you assume she’s gaming for 8 hours solid? The OP is asleep through the night so she wouldn’t know how long the gaming is actually going on.

And why do you think binge watching TV for an equal amount of time is different? If anything, it’s most passive than game playing and no new skills are developed so I’d actually suggest it’s worse (unless you are binge watching BBC Documentaries I suppose instead of Love Island reruns).

But that aside, the DD is learning her own boundaries and time limits. The first thing she will do is play around with them. It doesn’t automatically mean she has a gaming addiction (or cocaine addiction, problems with her iron levels and whatever else has been suggested).

And FWIW - I did game through the night at that age. Very frequently and for very long hours. I did go to uni, do hold down a job (and did at the time too) and now wake at 5:30 for exercise so it’s not all horror stories of gaming.

It sounds to me like she is craving time to herself so she uses the home when youre all in bed.

I wouldn't be happy about her using extra food in that way. I agree that she needs to either have leftovers or buy additional food herself.