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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay my sister back?

216 replies

GunpowderGelatine · 14/08/2018 16:36

We were meant to be going on holiday to Spain at the weekend with the four of us (me DH DD and DS) and also our teenage niece. My son now has to have surgery on his arm after breaking it a couple of weeks ago - it turns out the break was much worse than they first thought. So as a result we can't go on holiday 😢 before anyone asks I don't want to send DD and DN with one of us as I really don't think it would be an enjoyable holiday with half the people there and half the people here in hospital.

I've claimed on our insurance, which is all year round insurance I've had for donkeys years. We cannot claim for DN as she is not a member of our household. I told my sister this, thinking that she'd have sorted insurance. She hasn't, so they will lose £450. My sister thinks we should pay this back to them out of the holiday money that's coming back to us, but I've said sorry it can't be helped but she should have taken out insurance. We have now fallen out. WIBU? We want to rebook for October half term and could do without giving her £450 on top of this!

OP posts:
RoboJesus · 14/08/2018 17:18

You should pay as it's you choosing to cancel. Dh and the girls could go no problem

YeTalkShiteHen · 14/08/2018 17:18

I wouldn’t want to be in a different country while my child had a GA, so I can see that point.

Original poster
GunpowderGelatine · 14/08/2018 17:19

beingthere she said she understood why we cancelled but that it's not her or DN's fault and it's a lot of money for them to lose, and she said she would have bought insurance in time. £450 is for flights accommodation and transfers. And yes she transferred me the money and I paid on my card.

OP posts:
ShumpaLumpa · 14/08/2018 17:19

It's up to the parents to make sure the child has adequate insurance.

OP says she offered to take DN on holiday. What would have happened if DN needed medical treatment costing thousands of pounds? Would she have expected her sister to stump up for it? OP should have made it a condition that sis gets travel insurance before agreeing to take DN on holiday.

Bezm · 14/08/2018 17:19

I know you're DS should have checked about insurance for her daughter, but she didn't. Naturally the holiday has to be cancelled because of the operation, and I'm sure you assumed her DD was covered.
I would be telling your DS that you will pay for your DN in October because the last thing you want to do is fall out with her. See if her flight can be rebooked. Just make sure your DN has insurance from the moment the holiday is rebooked!

Bobbybobbins · 14/08/2018 17:20

I would go half tbh or take her with you in October if you can get a cheaper break

mediumbrownmug · 14/08/2018 17:20

YANBU, and I'm surprised tbh at all the replies suggesting you should pay half, etc. You sent your sister paperwork stating her daughter wasn't insured. Your sister needed to have DN insured before her holiday - was she really planning to send her sans insurance, for you to deal with potential fallout should anything go wrong? Your Dsis needs to sort this herself.

Original poster
GunpowderGelatine · 14/08/2018 17:21

We also booked a 2 bed apartment at a bit of an extra cost so that DN had her own space.

OP posts:
MeyMary · 14/08/2018 17:22

The OP gave her 450 £ to take her DD on holiday. She might have assumed that this would cover insurance.

Even if her DSIs had taken out insurance, they may not even cover that... And it was ultimately the OP's decision to cancel. An obviously absolutely justified decision. But still her decision.

AliceRR · 14/08/2018 17:22

It is unfortunate your DC has an injury but you are choosing for the rest of you not to go and your sister has lost her money as a result. It seems you weren’t concerned about that when you decided to put the holiday off as it was not ideal for you. You took on some responsibility when you agreed to take DN on holiday with you and let your sister pay for it. As others have said, insurance might not have covered her anyway. I think she is right to be annoyed. Paying half might be fair if you cannot simply take her next time.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 14/08/2018 17:22

Taking her with you in October and paying for her is a nice gesture. Or 50:50.

Planesmistakenforstars · 14/08/2018 17:23

I think you should at least pay half. I'm not sure her insurance would pay out even if she had it. My mum died 2 days before me and a friend went on holiday. It was just the two of us going and we were both insured. My insurance paid out, but hers wouldn't. Maybe it would be different because your DN is a child, but they would have a good argument that both adults didn't need to cancel.

ShumpaLumpa · 14/08/2018 17:23

Shumpa DN apparently had a bit of a teenage style hissy fit about not having an abroad holiday, so my sister asked on the quiet, prior to us booking, if we'd mind taking her (and said it's absolutely fine if not) and we didn't hesitate, so went and asked her ourselves - so a bit of both really. We didn't do it at all begrudgingly and may have even offered had it not been suggested

Ok in that case your sis also bears responsibility. I do think you should have ensured DN has insurance because you could have been seriously out of pocket of anything bad happened and you couldn't expect sis to pay if anything did because you would have responsible for DN's safety.

DarlingNikita · 14/08/2018 17:23

What would have happened if DN needed medical treatment costing thousands of pounds? Would she have expected her sister to stump up for it? OP should have made it a condition that sis gets travel insurance before agreeing to take DN on holiday.

No, the sister should have organised insurance for HER child beforehand, just as (presumably) she organised her passport, clothes etc.

MeyMary · 14/08/2018 17:24

The OP's sister gave the OP

Oops.

turnaroundbrighteyes · 14/08/2018 17:25

I think if you are taking her you should insure her because you're the one with responsibility for her whilst away who might need the insurance or have to find medical expenses. Or specifically asked her to get some. Even if she read the booking she might have assumed you'd buy it separately (often cheaper) or might even have bought it later herself at some point before you fly.

Also agree with those who say that if she was on a separate policy they probably wouldn't have paid anyway as technically she could still go.

Could your DSIS have taken one of the tickets and gone with her and your DD.

HotblackDesiatoto · 14/08/2018 17:26

It is unfortunate your DC has an injury but you are choosing for the rest of you not to go

Would you go on holiday and leave a baby alone to face surgery? How is she choosing anything?

aaarrrggghhhh · 14/08/2018 17:26

I think its worth putting in an official complaint to the insurer. I doubt they'd change their mind. But if you argued something along the lines of family being considered part of household theres a good chance they'd at least give you a good will gesture.

Otherwise for the first time ever on mumsnet I genuinely don't know wha t I think on this one!

Can you transfer the tickets so your sister can go with niece?

Iamoutragedetc · 14/08/2018 17:27

You owe her nothing. Her mistake.

itbemay · 14/08/2018 17:28

I took my DN away with us this year, and I arranged her insurance, didn't want to assume my DS had sorted, turns out she actually did so DN was covered by ours and her mums... I think its unfair for all of you miss out on holiday - why cant you go with DD and DN and let your DH sort DS ? also I would pay my DS but that's just what i would do.

HotblackDesiatoto · 14/08/2018 17:29

What would have happened if DN needed medical treatment costing thousands of pounds? Would she have expected her sister to stump up for it?

Yes, obviously, if she didn't have insurance. Who else would?

Are all of you actually saying that you would send you kid on holiday with other people, not bother to get insurance, and demand they pay for any cancellation/medical bill etc? Seriously?

mightbemarkedforever · 14/08/2018 17:29

You should pay since it's your fault that your son has a broken arm sort of thing (but I'm not blaming you obviously!)
It's shit isn't it?

itbemay · 14/08/2018 17:30

@hotblackdesiatoto - DS wouldn't be alone though would he as his dad would be with him

ineedaholidaynow · 14/08/2018 17:30

If you paid for her on your credit card, do you have any travel insurance cover on that? Although that sort of insurance can be very limited in what it covers.

When someone else is taking your child on holiday it is always a good idea to check the travel insurance position. Even for things like school residential trips. Obviously the school will have travel insurance but if for some reason your child couldn't go but the trip still went ahead you might not be covered under the school policy, so it can be an idea to have your own insurance policy too.

DarlingNikita · 14/08/2018 17:31

Even if she read the booking she might have assumed you'd buy it separately

Key phrases being 'Even if' (she bloody well SHOULD read the booking details for a holiday for her child!)
and 'assumed' –her silly fault for making an assumption instead of just ASKING.

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