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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay my sister back?

216 replies

GunpowderGelatine · 14/08/2018 16:36

We were meant to be going on holiday to Spain at the weekend with the four of us (me DH DD and DS) and also our teenage niece. My son now has to have surgery on his arm after breaking it a couple of weeks ago - it turns out the break was much worse than they first thought. So as a result we can't go on holiday 😢 before anyone asks I don't want to send DD and DN with one of us as I really don't think it would be an enjoyable holiday with half the people there and half the people here in hospital.

I've claimed on our insurance, which is all year round insurance I've had for donkeys years. We cannot claim for DN as she is not a member of our household. I told my sister this, thinking that she'd have sorted insurance. She hasn't, so they will lose £450. My sister thinks we should pay this back to them out of the holiday money that's coming back to us, but I've said sorry it can't be helped but she should have taken out insurance. We have now fallen out. WIBU? We want to rebook for October half term and could do without giving her £450 on top of this!

OP posts:
TheGirlWhoLived · 14/08/2018 17:03

I’m a grown woman too and I would have assumed travel insurance was taken out for all going on the holiday rather than just your family... I too would pay half each or else pay for your niece to go in October and ‘transfer’ the holiday - so they’ve still paid £450 and still get the holiday. Are you absolutely sure she isn’t covered? I assume she bought the ticket separately to yourselves?

coffeeforone · 14/08/2018 17:03

I can't believe you were about to go on holiday with a teenager without ensuring they were covered - if that had been your DN while you were away then it would have cost you all a fortune!

THIS!

DarlingNikita · 14/08/2018 17:03

Would you also say she's not your child so you're not responsible for her safety on holiday?
What a stupid thing to say. Confused

OP, she's an adult and presumably capable of either getting insurance or at least checking with you whether or not DN was covered on your policy.

I wouldn't give her any money. Just repeat 'You should have insured her.'

Sunflowersforever · 14/08/2018 17:05

To chip in again, having an older niece who, in your words, is a good lass is gold dust in the long term for your son.

Forget the right and wrong. Compromise for the cousins and the long term.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 14/08/2018 17:08

Only you know if your sister is a CF or there has genuinely been an oversight. If there's just been an oversight, I'd offer half as others have suggested above. She's your DN who you say you think is lovely and I'd do that because I love my DN and my sibling. Sometimes it's right to do the generous thing.

If she's generally a CF, then I'd just say no. I've got no time for CFers.

Original poster
GunpowderGelatine · 14/08/2018 17:09

I really don't think I'm being unreasonable in having the 4 of us stay here while DS has his surgery - technically yes one of us could go with DD and DN, but he's not yet 2 and I would honestly be beside myself being in another country while he has surgery, as would DH. It's fairly low risk, but even so I imagine DS will be very confused and want both of us around

OP posts:
MeyMary · 14/08/2018 17:10

There are people that just take insurance when booking/for a particular holiday...

I feel like you should go half/half. Also because an insurance might not even cover your DN ("less fun" might not be an acceptable argument...)

chillpizza · 14/08/2018 17:10

The sister should also be thankful it’s only £450 she’s lost what if they had gone away and the girl had got hurt?

No responsible parent just assumes insurance is in place they check and double check that all details are 100% correct. I wouldn’t know my own brothers possibly relevant medical history for insurance purposes let alone his child’s.

ShumpaLumpa · 14/08/2018 17:10

Op you're contradicting yourself. First you said:

we offered to bring her on our holiday - she's lovely and a good lass, we are very close to her; so we were more than happy to have her!

And then you say

my sister asked if we could take her and we agreed

So did you offer or did your sister ask?

MrMeSeeks · 14/08/2018 17:11

If you were taking and paying for her to come then ( and you never mentioned Anything about insurance) then yes i’d assume you would it covered too!

Original poster
GunpowderGelatine · 14/08/2018 17:11

My sister is now checking with her boyfriend as he thinks he has family insurance on his bank account (he lives with them)

OP posts:
MeyMary · 14/08/2018 17:11

Btw, I'm not saying you are unreasonable for staying. Not at all.

ShumpaLumpa · 14/08/2018 17:12

DarlingNikita

What a stupid thing to say. confused

It's not stupid at all. If you can't see why making sure a child has adequate travel insurance when you're taking them on holiday is not in the interest of said child, then that says move about your stupidity, actually.

SpandexTutu · 14/08/2018 17:13

Whoever paid for DNs holiday needs the insurance. You're sister is being really unreasonable to expect you to be her insurer.

beingthere · 14/08/2018 17:13

What did your sister say when you told her? Had she assumed you would have put all travelling parties on your insurance? Was your insurance via your credit card? Did your sister pay her part directly to you?

What was the £450 for? Your nieces share of flights and accommodation?

I don’t think it was your job to tell your sister to get insurance for her daughter, same as it wouldn’t be your responsibility to make sure she had a valid passport, but if your sister thought she would be included on your travel insurance, I think it would be fair to go halves. If the £450 includes accommodation which you would have had to pay more for per person (shared accommodation) if your niece hadn’t been going, then you could be kind and split. But if the full amount was for full priced flight and room and completely extra to your monies paid, then she was effectively buying her daughter a holiday that coincided with yours and is fully responsible.
IYSWIM!

Who booked what?

DarlingNikita · 14/08/2018 17:15

If you can't see why making sure a child has adequate travel insurance when you're taking them on holiday is not in the interest of said child, then that says move about your stupidity, actually.

It's up to the parents to make sure the child has adequate insurance.

NapQueen · 14/08/2018 17:15

You were all being unreasonable in not discussing this initially.

The long and short of it is that your sister gave you 450 quid on the agreement that you would take her dd on holiday. You have decided to no longer do this. So you are not giving her what she has paid you for. Either way you owe her 450.

If someone said to me "we will take dd on hols itll cost 450 all in apart from her spends" then I would assume insurance was included.

Gemini69 · 14/08/2018 17:15

You're Sister didn't think it was HER responsibility to purchase Insurance for HER daughter going on holiday ? really ? [hmm}

tell her to swivel Grin

Themerrygoroundoflife · 14/08/2018 17:15

I think YABU personally... although she could have protected herself neither was it caused by her actions. In we shoes I wouldn’t make a fuss though. So I think you are both being a bit U.

Cherubfish · 14/08/2018 17:15

I think that you should pay some (not all) of the amount.

I agree it was your sister's responsibility to sort out insurance, but it does sound like a breakdown in communications - it's possible she thought you had taken out single-trip insurance covering everyone. I can see that it seems unfair that you're the one cancelling the holiday, yet you suffer no financial loss at all while she has to pay £450.

Lazypuppy · 14/08/2018 17:15

I always take out basic travel insurance which wouldn't pay out for this anyway.

You shouldn't have told her that your insurance was paying out, as thats makijg her think she should get money back, whereas chances are she wouldn't anyway

Original poster
GunpowderGelatine · 14/08/2018 17:16

Shumpa DN apparently had a bit of a teenage style hissy fit about not having an abroad holiday, so my sister asked on the quiet, prior to us booking, if we'd mind taking her (and said it's absolutely fine if not) and we didn't hesitate, so went and asked her ourselves - so a bit of both really. We didn't do it at all begrudgingly and may have even offered had it not been suggested

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 14/08/2018 17:17

I guess it comes down to is £225 or £450 worth falling out with your sister over?

NapQueen · 14/08/2018 17:17

It's up to the parents to make sure the child has adequate insurance

Health. Yes. Not cancellation.

Gemini69 · 14/08/2018 17:18

why should OP Pay out for her Sisters lack of due care for her daughters trip ?

Why does OP have to remind her well travelled Sister that her Child needs travel insurance ?

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