to be concerned with SD's obsession with babies?

[Yannia]

My first is due in November. Me and DH so excited, and so is SD, 7. Problem is, she's obsessed with babies, and this makes me extremely nervous. This paired with her inability to listen has made me dread her being around when DC is born.

Last week, I went to visit a friend who has a 2 month old. SD came with me. I thought it would be nice for her to spend some time with a tiny baby before her brother/sister is born. She was absolutely awful. She wouldn't put the baby down, my friend had to tell her off, when she was put down for a nap in the next room, SD said she was going to the toilet, however she was actually going to see baby. She woke the baby up and when my friend went in baby had milk on her face. SD had taken one of her milk bottles and tried to feed her even though she was told not to. She lied about going to the toilet. When I held baby, she whined and said that the baby wanted her, not me and went off in a strop when I told her not to be rude and that babies are not toys. She tried to put her toy dummy from her doll in the baby's mouth and in the end, we had to leave.

I was completely embarrassed, my friend was stressed and had asked me not to bring her round again until baby is older (completely understandable), and even though this is something we have talked to her about numerous times, she just will not listen.

I love that she loves babies, and know that when the novelty has worn off she will likely be a wonderful big sister, however I am so nervous about those early weeks and don't want to have to worry about leaving baby on their own in their Moses basket briefly whilst I pee/brush my teeth/shower etc.

How do me and DH tackle this? We have talked to her sternly about it but it just seems to be a recurring thing every time she is around a baby. It's worrying me and I'm close to saying that I refuse to have her on my own when baby is first born because I can't cope with both of them.

I understand I may sound like I'm being completely over the top, I just worry about my baby, am extremely anxious already and could really use some advice on how to tackle this.

Sorry for the long post.

Thanks. Y

I think OP has gone after a certain poster went on the attack. Wishing OP best of luck.

As a parent (whether mother, father or step-parent) I would prefer my child not to be in a car driven by a sleep-deprived person, you know as occurs with new-borns. Add to that, if the worse case scenario happens with the 6 yo showing suspected wilful behaviour, a stressed-out tired person who is fitting feed times around the school trips - sounds like a prescription for something I'd rather not give words to!

It doesn't come across as a fair burden to be placed on a new mum. You know, if OP mentions her worries about the school trip, I'd bet money that the mother is equally concerned but is loathe to say anything.

So, in my long-winded way, I suggest having a face-to-face discussion with everyone involved. It may be resolved quickly and amicably. I hope so for the OP's well-being.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all op. You shouldn't be doing all those school runs. Ultimately she has two capable parents and they need to work out between themselves who will take her to school. What would your dh do if he hadn't met you?

You're entitled to want to look after your own baby while you get the hang of being a mum. I don't know anyone in real life who would be expected to look after their step child with a newborn, with two other parents around who are healthy and capable. Mn is batshit sometimes.

This thread is actually a shit show. It's normal to be anxious in pregnancy. I am a bit concerned about your feelings towards your DSD OP (if you are still reading, but not surprised if you're not). You seem to be struggling with her a lot and it does sound as if there may be some issues. Are her parents concerned about her? Have they arranged for her to be checked out? Are there issues at school? Just to say my older DD was a handful when my baby came along - similar age gap. It was a difficult time made much harder by the fact that ex was completely self-absorbed and didn't support or look after anyone except himself. Does this sound familiar OP?

I am mostly astonished how so much criticism has been heaped on you OP and the lack of attention paid to her father and his absent parenting. Why is there a contact order if he gets on really well with the ex? Why did he fight for 50/50 if he did not intend to do the parenting himself? What interest have the 2 actual parents got in your DSD? I think you may have taken all of this on when you fell in love. How long have you been together? And the upcoming birth is adding to your other concerns about your DSD and your huge role in parenting her. Your partner needs to step up BIG TIME and you should not have to be telling him this. I notice you don't say too much about him yourself. WTF is actually going on with him and with your relationship? It's time for him to parent his daughter.