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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I made a big mistake?

175 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 13/08/2018 01:48

I'm due to have a baby on September 14th.

Before getting pregnant I applied for an Access to HE:Science course. This is the last year I am entitled to free education and I want to be able to provide a better life for my DD.
I accepted their offer after going to see the place, the lab is amazing and the course is ideal. The course is two days a week, and starts September 3rd.

During my interview I mentioned the pregnancy, the interviewer said that I I'd be able to take time off to have the baby and would be able to call and not come in if I even had a bad nights sleep.

I wasn't originally going to the interview, but my Mum said that I woulda be wasting an amazing opportunity and that even though the course (and subsequent uni course) would be difficult, it would be nothing compared to raising a child in poverty. I was raised by a single mother in extreme poverty (minimum wage and 3 siblings) and I remember how hard She worked to make our lives bearable, but she's never quite forgiven herself for the lives we had.

She offered childcare, and when I found out the course was only 2 days a week I jumped at the chance to go. It would mean that in 5 years i could be a fully qualified Biology teacher, and provide a better life for my daughter.
Have I done the right thing in accepting the course? Or AIBU to think I could raise a baby and simultaneously take on education? What would you do?

OP posts:
Blondie1984 · 13/08/2018 01:51

You’ve done absolutely the right thing - yes it will be hard but it will be so worth it

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 13/08/2018 01:52

For reference at the moment I would make £10998 working full time. £7176 on Maternity leave (which is barely enough to pay rent and live). I would make £22,467 as a starting salary if I were to go into teaching. This has always been my dream.

OP posts:
HJE17 · 13/08/2018 01:53

Of course you’re doing the right thing! It will be tough some days, but so worth it. Congrats, OP.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 13/08/2018 01:54

Thanks blondie, im just worried that it might be neglectful to leave a two week old with my mum, and that I'm sacrificing too much of her early years

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 13/08/2018 01:54

Yes. Do it. You won't forgive yourself if you don't try.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 13/08/2018 01:55

It might be worth mentioning that my mums boyfriend was shouting at her about "pressuring me" (she's done no such thing) and how I should be focusing on being a mother, until that point I was fine with it.

OP posts:
Queenofthestress · 13/08/2018 02:10

You 100% should do the course
My DS was the same age when I went back to education, it is doable!
If this is going to help in the long run then go for it! Short term pain for long term gain

RedRedBluee · 13/08/2018 02:32

I did this course a few years ago, I saved up and self funded because it was something I really wanted to do.
Do you already have biology and chemistry knowledge? If not start going over the basics now, you can learn a lot in a month. I would definitely recommend watching Khan Academy videos, they were a huge help to me.
You have made the right choice. I’m not going to lie and pretend it’ll be easy, because it is a very intense course and there will be times you want to give up. But you can do it if you’re dedicated and it is worth it in the long run. It prepared me very well for university and gave me lots of important skills that many people on my degree didn’t have. Good luck, you can do this!

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/08/2018 02:35

Your mum's boyfriend is a bit of a sexist prick if he doesn't recognize that considering your children's financial well being is absolutely focusing on being a mother.

It will be hard. It will be worth it.

raspberrysplit · 13/08/2018 02:35

Do the course 100%

You aren’t sacrificing her early years, you’re giving her lots of time with her Nan (who sounds like an excellent influence for her) and a future.

ILovePierceBrosnan · 13/08/2018 02:44

Absolutely the right thing. You will find leaving baby hard to start with and if you intend to breast feed you’ll need to plan to express but it will be so worth it. I had to work when my first two were small and went back at 11 weeks. We all survived and I’ve never regretted that choice as my life would be so different now had I not done so.
When number 3 was born I could take longer off. I however found that my PND was only alleviated when I got back to work. It’s not dreadful and very doable.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 13/08/2018 02:44

Thanks guys, who would've thought the most supportive people (except my mum) would be strangers on the internet! Her boyfriend also said that SS would be "very interested" in my "abandonment", I take it that that's bullsh*t too?

OP posts:
moomoomummy · 13/08/2018 02:45

Go for it . best of luck, you can do both

DonkeyPlease · 13/08/2018 02:46

That's total bullshit.

SS would be relieved that you're working to make a good life for DD.

I'm massively impressed with you op and I believe you are 100% doing the right thing. If only my own mother had been as brave as you!

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 13/08/2018 02:55

Thanks donkeyplease, I think he thinks my mum I should trying to live through me for the same reason, and she probably is. But mum and I are coming from the same place on this one, she wishes she could have given me a better life and I wand to give my little one a better life too. There's no father to speak of so mum offering to babysit has really been a lifesaver and now I know I'm not being stupid, I'm really looking forward to it!

redredbluee can you give me any details about the course? I know there are optional modules but aside from that I'm not sure what the course entails!

OP posts:
whywhywhywhywhyyy · 13/08/2018 03:12

Do it, 100%. There's a girl who I went to uni with doing a really demanding course - she commuted 1.5 hours each way every single to make it work with her family doing some childcare, and she came out second highest in the year. It can be done.

Education is so important and you'll be setting a brilliant example to DD.

RedRedBluee · 13/08/2018 04:22

I’m not sure if it differs between colleges depending on what tutors specialise in but for mine we did biology, chemistry, psychology, maths, and study skills, but I think other colleges might do physics too or instead of psychology.
Maths is just basic GCSE level and is really easy to pass if you are okay at maths.
Study skills was really valuable and you learn important things like Harvard referencing, plagiarism, time management, essay planning, revising planning, study methods, and IT skills.
You have to make up 60 credits (each module is worth 3) and the bulk of these are from biology and chemistry which are the more difficult modules, the others are relatively easy.
We had to do a dissertation style final project and we got to choose a topic to write a report on (I did mine on antibacterials/antibiotics) and this was a double module so worth 6 credits. If you spend time on planning it thoroughly it’s an easy module to get a distinction for.

agnurse · 13/08/2018 04:42

I teach at a college. I have MANY students who are parents and attend school full-time. In fact the school has a daycare that serves as a practicum site for our Early Learning and Childcare program and some of our staff and students have their children in the daycare! I had a student who asked to book an exam early because she was having a booked C-section right around the date of a final!

You are absolutely doing the right thing IMHO.

Gildashairflick · 13/08/2018 04:48

I suspect your mums boyfriend is not supportive as your mum will have less time for him. Tough shit! It will be hard but if you are determined and you have your mum for support there's no reason why you can't do it. I was in a similar situation a very long time ago and I had great parental support like you. I don't regret it one bit and my now adult child and I have a very close relationship. You have youth on your side which will help greatly! Oh and let your mums boyfriend talk to social scs. They will laugh him out the door!

Bumblealong1 · 13/08/2018 05:30

Your mums boyfriend sounds horrible. I too can only imagine that he is put out with the idea of your mum being busy and there being a baby around.
Social services being interested in someone going to study and leaving their baby with their grandmother for a few days a week?!
Is he stupid?!
Please don’t entertain his stupidity.

Notmany · 13/08/2018 05:30

Education is never the wrong choice. Props to your mum and the college for supporting and encouraging you.

TaintforTheLikesOfWe · 13/08/2018 05:59

Sounds like DMums boyfriend needs the educating. Grin

Bezm · 13/08/2018 06:06

Well done for making some great choices! It will, no doubt, be extremely hard in the first instance especially as your baby will be so young when yo first start, but it will get easier, so don't give up! You may be better putting the baby in the college nursery as soon as it's old enough, then you mums moaning boyfriend will have nothing to moan about!
Good luck!

Tunnocks34 · 13/08/2018 06:07

I did my teaching course when my eldest was a few months old. A bit older than your baby but it was full time, all day every day.

I don’t regret it and my son and I have a brilliant relationship. It was hard at the time not being with him but means to an end. He now has no idea and I get the holidays with him xx

loveisland · 13/08/2018 06:10

Go for it op! You will do a great job at both things and imagine that career and baby... In 5 years you will have your sh*t together, career and child all by 25!