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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I made a big mistake?

175 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 13/08/2018 01:48

I'm due to have a baby on September 14th.

Before getting pregnant I applied for an Access to HE:Science course. This is the last year I am entitled to free education and I want to be able to provide a better life for my DD.
I accepted their offer after going to see the place, the lab is amazing and the course is ideal. The course is two days a week, and starts September 3rd.

During my interview I mentioned the pregnancy, the interviewer said that I I'd be able to take time off to have the baby and would be able to call and not come in if I even had a bad nights sleep.

I wasn't originally going to the interview, but my Mum said that I woulda be wasting an amazing opportunity and that even though the course (and subsequent uni course) would be difficult, it would be nothing compared to raising a child in poverty. I was raised by a single mother in extreme poverty (minimum wage and 3 siblings) and I remember how hard She worked to make our lives bearable, but she's never quite forgiven herself for the lives we had.

She offered childcare, and when I found out the course was only 2 days a week I jumped at the chance to go. It would mean that in 5 years i could be a fully qualified Biology teacher, and provide a better life for my daughter.
Have I done the right thing in accepting the course? Or AIBU to think I could raise a baby and simultaneously take on education? What would you do?

OP posts:
Penisbeakerismyfavethread · 13/08/2018 10:31

One of my best friends did this with a starting with two year old and giving birth to her second in her first year at uni. We’ve both just finished our first year as teachers!
Go for it.

Knittedfairies · 13/08/2018 10:35

I think that is a resounding yes from MN! Tell your mum she’s a star.

Gildashairflick · 13/08/2018 11:12

I was studying a health related course and my mum used to come up 3 days a week to look after my daughter. I did 3 x 12 hour days plus travel while on placement. I did my additional studying when she was in bed at night (luckily an early sleep through the night baby). I also was breastfeeding at a time when there were zero facilities for pumping/storage etc. My boobs coped and settled down to the crazy feeding routine. You will have facilities for pump and store so make the most of them Smile you are determined which is the key thing here. You will smash through any obstacles

PieceofKate · 13/08/2018 11:21

Not quite the same thing, but I had to go back to work when my daughter was a few weeks old and leave her with a (very loving) childminder. She's now 7 and we are incredibly close. In my view your baby will actively benefit from your decision right from the start – what could be better or more natural than having her grandmother as a regular, hands-on caregiver as well as her mum? It's only in our modern western society that we seem to expect mums to care solely for their children, cut off from the workforce and from the support that older relatives (and younger ones!) routinely provide in other cultures. Best of luck with the course and the arrival of your lovely baby.

Moonflower12 · 13/08/2018 11:21

Go for it!
You are far from abandoning your child. You are absolutely making sure she will have a better future.
And if it at any point it becomes too hard- the college and Uni should have some pastoral care in place so would be able to help in some way.
Well done you- it sounds like you have your head screwed on.

BertrandRussell · 13/08/2018 11:27

Just a note of caution-you need to be sure your mother's boyfriend isn't going to make trouble for you both down the line. Can you talk to her about it?

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 13/08/2018 11:46

You are absolutely - 100% - making the right decision. Not saying it will be easy, but incredibly worthwhile for you and your DC.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 13/08/2018 17:33

contessa thanks for that, one of the things I was worried about was not fully understanding! bekabeech I chose teaching because it's always been my dream, what about it isn't child friendly please?

OP posts:
Bekabeech · 13/08/2018 18:33

Try the staff room boards but the hours teachers work are often far far more than normal. And if you are doing secondary Science there are a lot of extras around health and safety.

Just don't think it is working term time only and anything like a normal working week.

Original poster
JillianHoltzmann · 13/08/2018 18:53

bekabeech I used to be a TA, so I have previous in the field, probably should have mentioned that. I know how much work teachers put in and don't expect it to be easy, but the way I see it is if I get the Biology degree first and then the QTS I could always just use the biology degree if for any reason the teaching didn't work out? If that makes sense

OP posts:
bullyingadvice2017 · 13/08/2018 18:59

Get doing that course. And support your mum in getting shit of him he sounds horrible.

Moneypenny007 · 13/08/2018 19:02

I had my first ds at Christmas during my second year at college... it was 5 days a week. I went back in January and completed the whole course and several since. GO GO GO GO GO GO

TittyGolightly · 13/08/2018 19:02

Study skills was really valuable and you learn important things like Harvard referencing, plagiarism,......

Sorry, that made me 😂

whyhaveidonethis · 13/08/2018 19:06

I did a BSc course part time and had two babies during the process. It was bloody hard work and required sheer dogged determination but it is totally doable. In my last year I gave birth on the Thursday and had to give a presentation of my dissertation on the Monday. If I didn't attend I would have had to defer for a year. Sod that. I rocked up at the university and breastfed my son throughout. The university were really supportive and I'm so pleased I did it. It was bloody hard work though.

whyhaveidonethis · 13/08/2018 19:08

Forgot to mention....I went back to work full time (work paid for.and released me for my degree) when my middle DS was 5 weeks. He's now 11 and a well rounded living individual. Go for it. And good luck!

SunnyCoco · 13/08/2018 19:09

Wow! It will be hrd but very worth it.

Well done I really admire you.

Bekabeech · 13/08/2018 20:04

I think the Biology degree is a great idea!

But do keep your options open, there may well be other options that become more appealing.

Pinkvoid · 13/08/2018 20:09

I teach access courses and I also did one myself when my DS was a baby. It was the hardest nine months of my life and I don’t make any qualms about that when introducing the course to my students. Even for the students who do not have children, it is hard. I teach a variety of students from all kinds of backgrounds, I taught a 66 year old man last year for example who wanted to retrain in his retirement from the army!

They all struggle. It is not an easy course by any stretch of the imagination, it is incredibly intense. I’m not saying this to deter you but you can take the access course next year and have a student loan pay for it which is wiped when you start uni.

If you want to then go for it but it won’t be easy and I wouldn’t advocate a student taking any time off from the course either, you miss so much information from one lesson. I started my access course when DS was about six months old so it was slightly easier, he was sleeping through by that stage for example.

Duchessofealing · 13/08/2018 20:09

OP - you are amazing and courageous to do this, I wish you the very best of luck and think you must be pretty fabulous to do this. It is absolutely the right call to do the course - the best decisions are not the easy ones they are the ones that you make work for you - well done!

Pinkvoid · 13/08/2018 20:12

I found the access course harder than uni fwiw.

Also, not to slate my study skills tutor colleagues but that was the worst part Grin. So tedious.

Allthewaves · 13/08/2018 20:13

Do it. You cant put a price on education. You would be daft not to do it since last yr being able to do it for free

MyFavouritePlace · 13/08/2018 20:13

Absolutely go for it. It's a fantastic opportunity and you are doing the bet thing for your and your DC future. Wishing you all the best.

Allthewaves · 13/08/2018 20:15

Double check if you can defer parts and spread it over two years if you are struggling. Ie if you take time off can you make this up the following yr without incurring cost

Pringlecat · 13/08/2018 22:50

Your baby is not going to remember the time you did or didn't spend with her in her early years. Many people have zero memories of the pre-school years and sometimes hardly any of primary school! As long as she is being looked after by someone you trust, it's not really a big deal to anyone other than you and your self-imposed guilt.

However, when your DD is a young woman finding her way in the world, what she will remember is her mum fighting hard to educate herself, get a better job, increase her earning potential and still be a good mum. You'll inspire her to push herself. It will be horrifically hard, but so worth it. I say go for it.

agentdaisy · 14/08/2018 02:39

Go for it op. I started my degree pregnant and with two under 5s and don't regret it. It was a bloody hard slog and at times I wanted to give up and it took every ounce of stubbornness I have to carry on but I'm so glad I did.

It's the last chance for it to be free so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Your baby won't remember that grandma looked after them for two days a week while they were a baby but they'll remember you having the determination and courage to follow your dream and make a better life for the two of you.

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