Have I made a big mistake?

[JillianHoltzmann]

I'm due to have a baby on September 14th.

Before getting pregnant I applied for an Access to HE:Science course. This is the last year I am entitled to free education and I want to be able to provide a better life for my DD.
I accepted their offer after going to see the place, the lab is amazing and the course is ideal. The course is two days a week, and starts September 3rd.

During my interview I mentioned the pregnancy, the interviewer said that I I'd be able to take time off to have the baby and would be able to call and not come in if I even had a bad nights sleep.

I wasn't originally going to the interview, but my Mum said that I woulda be wasting an amazing opportunity and that even though the course (and subsequent uni course) would be difficult, it would be nothing compared to raising a child in poverty. I was raised by a single mother in extreme poverty (minimum wage and 3 siblings) and I remember how hard She worked to make our lives bearable, but she's never quite forgiven herself for the lives we had.

She offered childcare, and when I found out the course was only 2 days a week I jumped at the chance to go. It would mean that in 5 years i could be a fully qualified Biology teacher, and provide a better life for my daughter.
Have I done the right thing in accepting the course? Or AIBU to think I could raise a baby and simultaneously take on education? What would you do?

I did a PGCE and masters while “homeless at home” (seriously overcrowded at my mums after being thrown out by baby’s dad) when my daughter was 1.
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’m so incredibly proud of myself!
Think I was a bit bonkers if I’m honest but I did it, and I would do it again every time.
Go for it.
But know it will be horrendous, and then it will be better.

September is the start of your new life!!
Be strong and be kind to yourself xx

My dd gave birth 3 weeks before the start of her 3rd year at University. Uni was amazingly supportive and arranged all her lectures/seminars on one day per week so she could commute to university and live at home. She caught a train at 6.15am and didn't get home until 10.30pm but she perservered and I was incredibly proud of her. She is of the view that if she hadn't gone back straightaway she wouldn't have finished her degree.

Go for it OP, it will be hard and at times you will doubt yourself but you can do it. Your dm sounds incredible btw.

I’m currently studying with a 5 and two year old and have been since I was pregnant with my youngest. It’s hard work, really hard work, but it’s not forever and it will be absolutely worth it. You may not get this opportunity again, grab it with both hands and think of graduation day with your little one there watching you and beaming with pride and what you’ve achieved. Good luck with baby and the course!

Go for it!

I’ve 3 DC. I took a year off with DC1, went back to work almost straight away with DC2 and with the 3rd I took 3 years off.

The love I have for them is the same and I have the same bond with all of them. In all honestly I haven’t gained anthunf extra because I’ve been at home for 3 years with my youngest.

I’m about to go into my 3rd year of a demanding subject and my 3rd child was a baby when I started. I can’t believe I did it tbh, but if I remind myself (when I’m having total brain block) that if I could pass all my units and assessment when she was still tiny and up several times a night, I can certainly do it now! And I’ve surpassed my own expectations.

Also a woman in my class gave birth during the Xmas hols and came back 3 weeks later. The tutors are very flexible and understanding. She’s doing amazing.

You will too! Best of luck

in the usa many mums have to go back to work full time after 8 weeks. so, doing 2 days a week is fine, don't feel bad. you are doing it for the long term and it will mean you get to spend 13 weeks (school hols) with your child when they are at school!
don't feel guilty, well done for having the ambition and determination to do this!

Dream big, work hard, enjoy your baby, and be thankful for a supportive mum and childcare you can trust - go for it and good luck.

I had a baby half way through my nursing degree. Have heard all the comments about how bad the timing was but I’m now entering my final year and the happiest I’ve ever been. I do have some advice;

1. You have to be super organised. You need to be ready for your exam every week as you learn new stuff, you can’t guarantee that your baby won’t need you the night before an exam.
2. 2 weeks is going to be tough but not impossible. I was 9 months when I went back and I’m glad I had that time with him. If you can take a few more weeks or study from home for a couple weeks that might be helpful? I breastfed until 17 months and never expressed so that did mean a lot of nights feeding though the night as he wanted to catch up from being apart.
3. Know your rights. You are a young mum who could easily just listen to what the college say but you have to find what works for you. Uni were not great and decided when I should leave and return and communication was terrible but I was so damn stubborn I made it work. But if I had the confidence to stick to what I was entitled to then I wish i had. www.ecu.ac.uk/wp-content/uploads/external/student-pregnancy-and-maternity-implications-for-heis.pdf This gives a lot of great info and also suggests that some people get clearance to take baby into lectures when breastfeeding. If I’d known that I would have 100% made it happen as my son was happy as a clam as long as he was in a wrap and feeding constantly.
4. Find out what childcare allowance is avail. You said the college doesn’t have a nursery but may make sense to take what you are entitled to, would maybe give you a morning to study. May only apply when your days pw increase (like when you are doing the degree. I get about £2k added to my bursary a year for childcare which is non means tested. You may also qualify for some financial support which would take the pressure off.
5. There is actually research showing that older students and parents tend to do better in higher education as there is so much more motivation. Don’t let anyone convince you other wise!

Good luck!

You are absolutely doing the right thing OP. I graduated pregnant with my eldest and his father left me before else was born. Having my degree under my belt meant I could provide a secure future for him.
It won’t be easy but you sound really committed. Well done for taking such a positive step. Good luck with the course and mummyhood xx

100% the right thing! I sat all my final exams and wrote my dissertation in the first 4 months of my daughters life. Hard, but totally doable and you'll be so proud at the end.

Good for you!! According to the internet, 1 in 4 new mums go back to work within two weeks of giving birth. It's not so unusual to have to work with very young kids. You are absolutely doing the right thing by your DC for the future. School holidays will be a bonus too as DC is growing up and they will have a lovely bond with your DM.

It's not neglectful. It's grandma bonding time with your baby. You will be able to share holidays with your child when they're at school. I know loads of parents who would give the world for that.

Go for it! X

I did an Access course years ago.
It is an intensive course that I found harder than the first year of Uni. But at the college I attended all of the course tutors were very helpful and tried to be as flexible as possible to help the students according to each of our personal circumstances.
It was a great year, one of the best things I've ever done.
Good luck OP!

I think you’re doing the right thing.

I wasn’t quite in the same boat, but 2 years ago I did a post graduate diploma, I did 2 days at uni & 3 days at work of 10 hours. I had a 3 year old & pregnant with my second & had an awful Pregnancy.
It was really hard going but completely worth it.

Good luck x

Such an Amazing thing to do for you and your child. It will be hard but you are doing it for your baby and so you have a reason to work hard.

My parents juggled work and further education the give us a better life in the long run, I am so close to them because I know they have sacrificed so much to give us the life and security we had as children.

Hopefully you have all the encouragement you need now. But just wanted to say, go for it, push through the hardest days and get that qualification if you can. I had to go back to work two weeks after my caesarean because I had my own business that was in trouble and there was no choice. I didn’t have any family in the UK where I live but I did have to leave the baby with her Dad with expressed milk for full days sometimes when she was tiny. And I absolutely would have done the same thing with my Mum (who has more experience of looking after children) if I could have done. It wasn’t ideal but I made it work as I had to provide for her. You are so fortunate to have a supportive Mum enabling you to follow your dream. And if you can get to be a teacher eventually it will be ideal for spending more time with her when she is older and will actually appreciate it more. Good luck. Xx

It’ll be hard work but worth it. To have your mum’s support will be priceless. Your mum’s boyfriend, on the other hand, is a total c**t!!!

I think your mum’s boyfriend is wortied her focus will no longer be on him.

It's two days a week and your mum will be babysitting. It's fine. It's hardly a full week of working! Lots of parents have to go back to work full time after giving birth.

Read your post, you so want this!! Congratulations and best of luck (with it all!)

Yes yes yes... good luck

Absolutely, 100% go for it. I went to uni, met my husband and fell pregnant, I returned to uni the following year (academic year) when most women would have been taking their maternity leave!! You can totally do this!

Your Mum's boyfriend sounds like a complete ass hat! In the long run you will be providing a better life for your child and fulfilling your own dream. It also sounds like the teaching staff are going to treat you better than they treated me- I was never allowed to not 'be there' even if we'd had a bad night, in fact I had my daughter in the Christmas holidays and was told if I didn't return immediately after the break- despite being in hospital a week- that I should not return as I clearly couldn't 'handle' the two situations!! haha. I earned my honours degree no problem and i'm sure you will do just the same!

Encouragement for you all the way!!!

I took 8 weeks maternity leave with my second child and to be honest I keep quiet about it because I have been criticised for it. I left him with my Mum for 2 morning's a week at 6 weeks old and gradually increased my hours.

I was a manager in a very male dominated environment which was going through some reorganisation and my boss had already told me I had picked a really bad time to have a baby! I might have stood up for myself more now but back then I didn't want to lose my job.

It worked out fine, Mum loved having both boys (DS1 had just turned 2), I learned how to be incredibly organised and the boys were happy. They are 17 and 19 now and we have a great relationship, they grew up with me working in a demanding job but they weren't aware of it.

Will your course run the same as a college in that they are only active for approx 40 weeks of the year the rest is holiday. It will be hard but if you have support with the baby go for it.