Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I made a big mistake?

175 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 13/08/2018 01:48

I'm due to have a baby on September 14th.

Before getting pregnant I applied for an Access to HE:Science course. This is the last year I am entitled to free education and I want to be able to provide a better life for my DD.
I accepted their offer after going to see the place, the lab is amazing and the course is ideal. The course is two days a week, and starts September 3rd.

During my interview I mentioned the pregnancy, the interviewer said that I I'd be able to take time off to have the baby and would be able to call and not come in if I even had a bad nights sleep.

I wasn't originally going to the interview, but my Mum said that I woulda be wasting an amazing opportunity and that even though the course (and subsequent uni course) would be difficult, it would be nothing compared to raising a child in poverty. I was raised by a single mother in extreme poverty (minimum wage and 3 siblings) and I remember how hard She worked to make our lives bearable, but she's never quite forgiven herself for the lives we had.

She offered childcare, and when I found out the course was only 2 days a week I jumped at the chance to go. It would mean that in 5 years i could be a fully qualified Biology teacher, and provide a better life for my daughter.
Have I done the right thing in accepting the course? Or AIBU to think I could raise a baby and simultaneously take on education? What would you do?

OP posts:
Brambleboo · 14/08/2018 19:27

I used to work in student finance and I promise you that you will not be the only parent taking a course. When you do get to university, there is other help you can apply for, as a parent, as well as the usual tuition fee and maintenance loans. Go for it!

Rachie1986 · 14/08/2018 19:28

How much time will you get off for having the baby? 2 weeks does seem very young and what if you give birth late or have a c-section and need longer off?

Otherwise it sounds like your mum is really supportive so go for it :-)

newplacenofriends · 14/08/2018 19:28

well done to you, good luck with your course and your little one!

puttyandslime · 14/08/2018 19:40

OP! Yes! Do it.

I was a single mum and started a (full 5 day a week) access course when my DS was six weeks old and still breastfed. When he was a year old I started uni. When he was 4 I did a Masters!

Now have an amazing career. Absolutely impossibly hard at times, but no regrets.

I did my dissertation on parents who do access courses if you'd like to read it- it was published by my university. PM me if so!

Isawthelight · 14/08/2018 19:41

Her boyfriend also said that SS would be "very interested" in my "abandonment", I take it that that's bullsht too?*

Yes complete and utter bullshit. Listen to your mum, she knows what she's talking about.

searose · 14/08/2018 19:41

Rachie1986
Two weeks is not that young when you consider she has a very experienced and loving childminder who will also be supporting her in every way she can. If the baby arrives late she will catch up and if she has a C section
she might have a bit more to catch up on. And as long as she can get to the lectures a c section does not interfere with your brain in fact it might be easier to sit all day with no stitches down below.

Nearly47 · 14/08/2018 19:47

I've got pregnant twice while studying for my degree. Very hard. But it was full time course and I didn't have any much help with my baby other than my partner who worked full-time. Was difficult to concentrate sometimes but managed to finish the degree although had to retake couple of modules. I'd do it again but would be more realistic about low energy level and tiredness that really affect gravity to concentrate.

flamingofridays · 14/08/2018 19:48

You have done the right thing. Amazing opportunity sounds like you'll love it!

Nearly47 · 14/08/2018 19:50

Meaning I wouldn't have studied full time. But in your case I think is feasible.

KindergartenKop · 14/08/2018 19:50

Do it!
A) more money
B) good role model for your child

Mum's bf is jealous.

Igmum · 14/08/2018 20:10

Congratulatios OP, great course, realising your dream and your mum is wonderful. WTF is her boyfriend on? Please don't listen to him and I worry about his effect on your mum, you are leaving your baby with your own mother who will look after them well and getting started in a career you have always dreamed of so that you can provide for your family and set a great example to your child. You are great, this is a fabulous opportunity and good luck achieving your goals. Social services would give you a medal

FoodologistGirl · 14/08/2018 20:11

As long as your child is well looked after and loved I would go for it. I speak to my grown up daughter and ask if she remembers trips we took when she was young and she really doesn’t, so most memories will be made after you’ve finished your course anyway. But she’ll definitely Benefit from having a mum with a career. Your life doesn’t stop when you have children. They just enhance it. You're still you.

glamorousgrandmother · 14/08/2018 20:17

I started my teaching course when DD was a year old, it was the best thing I ever did. I loved being a teacher, was able to support her myself and eventually buy a house and I had the school holidays off with her. Go for it!

pinkpantherpink · 14/08/2018 20:31

Your mother's partner .... He sounds awful.

Perhaps he is concerned that she won't have time for him, if she commits to supporting you to study for better life.

Sorry, once bitten and all that, my mother's partner was bitter towards her attention to us kids from age 10/11.

FreudRogersBeck · 14/08/2018 20:42

Do it!!

I've just done an access and starting the degree in Sept. Best decision I have ever made.

I have three kids and it was tough at times juggling everything, but I would do it all over again.

Think what an amazing example you'll be setting for your baby :)

Go for it x

FreudRogersBeck · 14/08/2018 20:43

Also the college might be able to help with childcare costs for the course. Contact their student services x

VerbenaGirl · 14/08/2018 20:55

You should absolutely do it. Xx

CaptainApollo · 14/08/2018 21:00

Well done OP you sound great!
I've just finished the science Access, my kids are all teens but I also worked 16 hours a week at weekends. It felt like hard work (because I left every assignment until the last minute) but I'm not going to lie, I watched 7 seasons of Game of Thrones, 12 seasons of Bones during the 9 months of the course so I clearly had plenty of down time (after working full time for years it was an absolute treat Grin) I came out with full distinctions and I haven't studied science for more than 20 years!

It will be hard work with a newborn but if you want it badly enough you can definitely do it

Good luck!

CaptainApollo · 14/08/2018 21:04

Oh forgot to say, don't listen to the boyfriend person at all, he sounds like an absolute twat. Don't you dare let a muppet like that dent your confidence!!

Mum4Blake · 14/08/2018 21:09

100% do it. You’re not neglecting your child - we all have to earn a living, and it’s probably best done now as it will get harder as your child grows in those early years - the more you get behind you now the better
Best of Luck!

sprinklesandsauce · 14/08/2018 21:15

If it is only 2 days a week, I would do it OP. Your course tutor sounds great and very helpful and understanding. If you mum wants to support you to do this for a better future for your child, I would do it.

It might be hard at times, but you will achieve your dream at the end of it. Good luck.

MortyVicar · 14/08/2018 21:19

Go for it!

One of my students came from an access course as she had no qualifications. During her degree (admittedly she did have to have two goes at year 2) she had three babies. She graduated with a 1st and then got her PhD.

Having the babies made it hard for her to study - but it also made her much, much more determined to succeed and to be an example to the babies as they grew up.

smilingontheinside · 14/08/2018 21:28

My child was 8 wks old when I went back to my senior role because we needed the money. They never missed out out on much and despite working more than 2 days a week I never felt I missed out on them. My mum looked after them and I was able to continue to train and progress and give us a goid life. Go for it and show your dd that you are a mum and a strong clever woman good luck Flowers

user1473460538 · 14/08/2018 21:35

Firstly congratulations! My mum returned back to work 6 weeks after having me and I was left with my nan ( her mum) my dad had a accident at work just as my mum was due to give birth and no one was sure how long it would take him to recover. I came to no harm whatsoever and always had a lovely close bond with my nan. Your baby will be loved fed and warm while you are on your course doing your best for your future, good luck op go for it.💐

WickedGirl · 14/08/2018 21:36

I did an access course when I was 28.

My children were (at the start of the course), 5, 3 and a baby of 5 months.

It wasn’t easy but it was worthwhile. I’m now 43 and am still glad I did it....
It definitely opens doors

Swipe left for the next trending thread